What’s a “bromance”? No, it’s not friendship a la Brokeback Mountain, it’s a close (non-sexual) relationship between two straight men. In fact, they are so close and inseparable that they almost seem like a couple. It’s male bonding at its best, or worst, depends on who you ask. For one of my readers, it’s become out of hand. This bromance is killing her romance. What should she do? Well, here’s what I advised her.
Dear Single Dating Diva,
My boyfriend is driving me crazy. I’m feeling extremely neglected. He spends much more time with his best friend than he does me. They do everything together. WE used to do everything together! I always encouraged his “bro time”, but now it’s become out of hand. His bro time is all the time! Whether they are out somewhere or at our place they are inseparable. They even have these annoying inside jokes. I feel like I’ve been replaced. How can I approach this without making problem? I seriously don’t know what to do anymore. Help!
Dealing With Your Man’s Bromance
Dear Bromance Victim,
thank you for reaching out and for your questions. I can see how this bromance can be frustrating for you. You feel neglected and left out of your man’s life. But, you can definitely get past this challenge and it’s all about creating balance in your life and relationship. His behavior is completely normal and healthy. But, if your needs aren’t being met then here are some suggestions that I think might help.
Communication is key. You need to talk about how you’re feeling. This doesn’t mean yelling at him or accusing him of neglecting you. It means sitting down and having an adult discussion that goes something like this: “when you do “this” it makes me feel like “this”“. Wait until you are calm and level headed before discussing anything. If you come at him attacking he will automatically put his defenses up and you won’t resolve anything and actually might make the situation worse.
Plan Girls Night
Instead of stewing at home while your man is bromancing go out and have some fun with your girls! Plan something fun with some of your favorite people in some of your favorite places. It’s a win-win solution because you’ll be having a great time and your man will be doing his own thing. It will help you feel less neglected and forget how annoyed you are if you’re having fun as well. Couples should always have some separate leisure time, it’s actually quite healthy for the relationship. Besides, it’s possible that he might see you have so much fun without him that he’ll take notice of his own actions.
Show Him What He’s Missing
Flaunt your stuff girl! What attracted him to you? Your sexy ass? Your hot bod? Your beautiful face? Your witty conversation? Whatever it was you need to use that to get his interest piqued again. Listen, as far as their bromance goes you still can offer him some, um, fringe benefits, that his friend can’t. So plan a sexy evening at home for just you and him, give him a massage, pamper him, make him feel loved and desired and he’ll definitely want to be spending more time with you.
Well you know what they say “if you can’t beat ’em join ’em”. Sometimes trying to fit in and be one of the boys will help make you more valuable in his eyes. For example, be interested in what your boyfriend has to say, ask him about his day, be engaged in his life and interests. It can’t all be about you. Trust me, making them some snacks and drinks for their bro time will definitely earn you some bonus points. I’m not saying do it all the time, but it’s a nice gesture.
Hope these suggestions help you create the balance you need in your relationship. It’s OK that he has bro time, but it has to be balanced with you time. What’s important is that the lines of communication remain open and making sure your needs are being met within reason, if they aren’t then maybe this man isn’t the right man for you. Only you can decide that. Best of luck!
Have you been a participant (or victim) of a bromance? What did you do? How did you make it work harmoniously? Would love to hear about it in the comments!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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