Primal Instincts, Needs, Dating and Sex

Primal instincts, needs, dating AND sex?  What on earth do they have to do with each other you ask … EVERYTHING!! There are certain things that we are inclined towards … inherent basic needs for our survival.  Call it “creating balance” if you will.  We need these things in order to live full and happy lives.  Take away even one thing and things become off balance.  Essentially, you feel empty and like “something” is missing.  When I was reflecting on this, something from my university days popped in my head … Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

What are some of these needs that we have?  Maslow came up with a hierarchy of needs that were met in order for people in general to be fulfilled and happy.  From basic to more complex are: Physiological, Safety, Love & Belonging, Esteem and Self-Actualization.  We need all these things in order to be a balanced person.  Here is what it looks like:


Looking at the pyramid from bottom to top you see how this all plays out.  Essentially, you need to eat, drink, sleep, breath and have sex … these are the basics.  Then you worry about health, money, home, etc.  After that, you look for meaningful relationships (sexual or otherwise), then ego and then intellect.  So, according to this model, once one is met the others follow suit.  Not everyone would agree with this model or where things are placed on the hierarchy, but Maslow has a point.  There are other models as well, all pointing to the same things. All the things listed are things we need in order to live.  They’re all basics when it comes to our well-being, but, how does dating fit in?  I’ll tell you.

Primal Instincts, Needs and Dating

primal-instinctsOur primal instincts are to seek out fulfillment of our needs, whatever they may be.  When it comes to dating, and, particularly when it comes to sex this is even more true.  We need companionship, in whatever way shape or form that we can get it in order to live.  We can’t function without some sort of affiliation with others … this could be romantic or friendly or family, but, it has to exist in some way.

When we meet someone that we like and that we think could meet our needs, it’s our primal instinct to want to be with them which is what leads us to approach or smile or flirt or whatever.  Rarely does anyone really want to be alone, we aren’t meant to function as a party of one.  This is why dating is a multi-billion dollar industry.  Not everyone is adept at meeting their needs so they need a little help.

This is where all senses come into play … sight, hearing, smell, touch, taste … even intuition.  All this is happening at a primal level.  We’re wired this way.  That’s why some people appeal to us more than others, their scent gets us going … something about them … you can’t put your finger on it but you can’t let it go.  It’s because of our needs.  Your primal instincts tell you that this person is going to fulfill one (or more) of your needs.  It’s not complicated … it’s basic instincts.

Think about it, how have your primal instincts and needs played a role in your dating and sex life? For me, it’s all about that connection with someone.  You either feel it or you don’t.  It’s like a puzzle piece that fits.  You can’t force the wrong piece to fit, it just won’t and it will ruin the whole picture.  This is the perspective I take with dating … being true to myself and my needs and using my primal instincts to get where I need to be.  Plain.  Simple.

How have your primal instincts and needs played a role in your dating and sex life? I would love to hear about it in the comments!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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