Why are we seeing so much out there about the sidechick, or the “other woman”? It’s quite disconcerting actually. Yes, this coming from someone who lives in the literal cheating capital of Canada. But, in all seriousness, there are really a lot of married men out there looking for some side action. Personally, I’ve been approached by many married men. Some very wealthy ones wanting a mistress to warm their … well. You get the picture. I don’t bark up that tree. Not only is it against my ethical beliefs, who would want to be the other woman? Seriously? I want to be a priority in someone’s life, not number two. I don’t want to be the side dish! I want to be the main event 😉 But, what if you’re the sidechick and don’t even know it? One of my readers was faced with the reality of that situation … here’s what I advised.
Dear Single Dating Diva,
I met the man of my dreams. He’s handsome, successful, generous and intelligent. What more could a girl ask for, right? We get along so well, but, he travels a lot. Well, that’s what he told me. We would see each other often, but sparingly. I couldn’t get a hold of him all the time but it wasn’t really worrisome, until, things started getting inconsistent. I ended up finding out that he was married. When I confronted him he admitted it but he said that he loved me and was planning to leave his wife, I had to be patient. We all know what that means. I have tried my best to keep my distance from him. I want to believe that he will come to me but I know better, or do I? I don’t know anymore.
Dear Sidechick Surprise,
Thank you for your email and your question. I’m sorry that you’re going through this, it’s certainly not an ideal situation and I understand your dilemma. Being the sidechick, or the other woman, is the pits. You are never the main priority in this man’s life. Worse even that you didn’t know you were the sidechick. But, you already know that you need to disconnect yourself completely from this situation and you’ve tried because, unfortunately, if he was going to leave his wife he would have already, before he even met you.
Being the Sidechick (the Other Woman)
Your question brought to mind a great post by a friend of mine, Dirty in Public, called “The Other Woman: What she needs to understand!“. In it she speaks about the other woman also falling prey to the man’s manipulations. And that’s what they are, manipulations. Your prince charming’s a liar and a cheat. Even if he were to leave his wife for you, what makes you think he won’t cheat on you when he decides he is bored of your flavor? Remember, if he cheated with you, he will cheat on you. He chose to be unfaithful, he made that choice. He didn’t have to. He could have taken the honorable way out but he didn’t. Sorry to say but that speaks to his character.
My advice is to let him go, hard as it seems to do. I know that you saw him as the ideal man. I get that. Sure the side of him that he showed you was ideal, everything you ever wanted, but that’s not his whole self. He showed you what he knew you wanted to see. He lied to you and betrayed your trust. Besides, who knows who else he had on the side … you really don’t know anything for certain do you? So, why hold on? You deserve to be someone’s 100%, each and every person deserves that. So why settle for less? Don’t wait around for him to leave his wife because chances are he’s not going to do it … but you already knew that.
Readers what are your thoughts? What advice would you give? Have you been in this situation? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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