Ask Single Dating Diva: I’m the Sidechick (the Other Woman)

Why are we seeing so much out there about the sidechick, or the “other woman”? It’s quite disconcerting actually.  Yes, this coming from someone who lives in the literal cheating capital of Canada.  But, in all seriousness, there are really a lot of married men out there looking for some side action.  Personally, I’ve been approached by many married men. Some very wealthy ones wanting a mistress to warm their … well.  You get the picture.  I don’t bark up that tree.  Not only is it against my ethical beliefs, who would want to be the other woman? Seriously? I want to be a priority in someone’s life, not number two. I don’t want to be the side dish! I want to be the main event 😉 But, what if you’re the sidechick and don’t even know it? One of my readers was faced with the reality of that situation … here’s what I advised.

Dear Single Dating Diva,

sidechickI met the man of my dreams. He’s handsome, successful, generous and intelligent.  What more could a girl ask for, right? We get along so well, but, he travels a lot. Well, that’s what he told me.  We would see each other often, but sparingly. I couldn’t get a hold of him all the time but it wasn’t really worrisome, until, things started getting inconsistent.  I ended up finding out that he was married. When I confronted him he admitted it but he said that he loved me and was planning to leave his wife, I had to be patient.  We all know what that means. I have tried my best to keep my distance from him.  I want to believe that he will come to me but I know better, or do I? I don’t know anymore. 

Sincerely,

Sidechick Surprise

Dear Sidechick Surprise,

Thank you for your email and your question. I’m sorry that you’re going through this, it’s certainly not an ideal situation and I understand your dilemma.  Being the sidechick, or the other woman, is the pits.  You are never the main priority in this man’s life.  Worse even that you didn’t know you were the sidechick. But, you already know that you need to disconnect yourself completely from this situation and you’ve tried because, unfortunately, if he was going to leave his wife he would have already, before he even met you.

Being the Sidechick (the Other Woman)

Ask-Single-Dating-DivaYour question brought to mind a great post by a friend of mine, Dirty in Public, called “The Other Woman: What she needs to understand!“. In it she speaks about the other woman also falling prey to the man’s manipulations.  And that’s what they are, manipulations. Your prince charming’s a liar and a cheat. Even if he were to leave his wife for you, what makes you think he won’t cheat on you when he decides he is bored of your flavor? Remember, if he cheated with you, he will cheat on you.  He chose to be unfaithful, he made that choice. He didn’t have to. He could have taken the honorable way out but he didn’t. Sorry to say but that speaks to his character.

My advice is to let him go, hard as it seems to do.  I know that you saw him as the ideal man. I get that. Sure the side of him that he showed you was ideal, everything you ever wanted, but that’s not his whole self. He showed you what he knew you wanted to see. He lied to you and betrayed your trust.  Besides, who knows who else he had on the side … you really don’t know anything for certain do you? So, why hold on? You deserve to be someone’s 100%, each and every person deserves that. So why settle for less?  Don’t wait around for him to leave his wife because chances are he’s not going to do it … but you already knew that.

Readers what are your thoughts? What advice would you give? Have you been in this situation? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva

13 thoughts on “Ask Single Dating Diva: I’m the Sidechick (the Other Woman)

  1. Hey! I was looking for some more blogs to follow because I’m new to wordpress ^.^ I really like your style of writing, it makes for a nice read. Will deffo be following.

    If you get a mo please pop by and check out my dating/views on women type blog – I’d love your input 😀

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  2. I’ve just recently jumped into online dating, and I actually find it disturbing how many people claim that they are “in the process of a divorce.” @_@ Serious red flag to me, but apparently enough people don’t see it that way that it is considered acceptable to troll for dates while even admitting you are still married.

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    • I completely agree. I don’t date people who are not fully divorced. I’ve been there, I know that after your separation you have a lot to deal with and you’re not necessarily an ideal partner. Can we all say “rebound” anyone? Thanks for the comment!

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        • Yes there’s that too, you’re right. Using the “separated” label to justify cheating. On the other hand, a lot of people also say they’re single when in fact they’re not. I guess you just never know.

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  3. I agree (as usual). Settling for a cheat is never a good idea. It doesn’t matter if they appear to be perfect or not. People are generally self-centered in thinking that “oh, that person would never cheat on me.” Uh, yes, they will. Cut your losses short and be glad that a baby wasn’t born or something. You can do a lot better than sharing.

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  4. Great advice Suzie. He’s a scumbag and doesn’t deserve one woman in his life never mind two. In these circumstances, Sidechick might feel sad over the breakup if she takes your advice, but it’s sadness over the relationship she thought she had, not the one that actually ever existed.

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  5. The sidechick/rebound is the most. I have been the victim of this more than once but didn’t know it at the time. My greatest hurt from dating was derived from a situation such as this. I couldn’t bring myself to blog about it.

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  6. There are two big broad categories here for the “other person”. 1) Those who don’t know they are a side dish, or do and think the other person actually will leave their spouse. 2) Those who are fully realistic about what’s going on and are perfectly okay with being on the side (fun while together but your personal time is truly your personal time with no chance of the other person wanting to hang around).

    I won’t comment much on type-2 as that is their business and obviously they understand what they are getting into. I’ve known too many friends that are type-1 though (specifically the kind that know and really believe the other person will eventually come to them full-time). It’s hard for me to feel sorry for them because really, they are completely ignoring reality, but at the same time, I can’t help but think maybe it relates back to a deeper psychological issue. Why does this person need to be in a relationship so badly that they let this happen to them? Similar to those who stay in abusive relationships in my opinion…

    Just my rambling thoughts on a very complex issue.

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  7. Great post! It is very alarming that a large number of women are okay with being the sidechick. If these women could learn to value themselves and cultivate self-confidence, being the sidechick wouldn’t even be an option. And, realistically, no one truly wants to come 2nd to another woman! Great read!

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