Intellectual Dating: Guest Post

Most people on the dating scene look for some level of attractiveness in the people they go out with. It’s human nature and part of the mating game. How many times, when being set up on a blind date, have you asked, “Is he cute?” or “Is she hot?” Don’t you usually skip over those online profiles that have no photo? While some people have a hard time defining what they consider “good-looking,” they are usually able to identify it fairly quickly, but what about intellectual dating?

intellectual-datingIntellectual Dating

Looking for an intelligent person to date is more of a conundrum. Although smarts—like looks—are relative to the person who is doing the judging, intelligence encompasses a whole range of qualities that aren’t always easy to uncover. Furthermore, several psychologists have noted in various books and journals that there are different types of intelligence, which means that what one person deems “smart” may not seem smart to another.

For example, let’s say you have met someone at a restaurant and are on your way home, but your car won’t start. Knowing nothing about cars, you panic. Seeing that your date is still in the parking lot, you ask if he or she will take a look. Your date determines that your battery is dead, jump-starts the car for you, and sends you on your way within a matter of minutes. To you, your date seems like the smartest person in the world right now. But to someone else, diagnosing and recharging a dead battery might seem like an everyday skill. Now, what if that adorable creature who started your car also starts every sentence with “Like . . .” and can’t spell? Would you consider that person to be intelligent? Actually, there’s no right or wrong answer.

The point is that saying you want a bright guy or a girl with brains isn’t really specific enough. And it’s hard to really determine how smart a person is before you go out with them. When it comes to intelligence, everyone is looking for something different. It’s been said before, but looks do fade. If you’re just dating for fun, then your partner’s gray matter may be irrelevant—and that’s okay. But if you’re looking for a potential mate and someone to have children with, you might want to rethink that “Hotties Only” policy. Genetics plays an important part in a child’s overall intelligence, not to mention in long-term compatibility with your mate. You might need to give a second thought to intellectual dating.

Is Intellectual Dating Possible?

While finding out what somebody looks like is a simple prospect, asking outright about someone’s IQ is considered a bit rude in our society. So where do you find intelligent singles? The usual clichéd replies are “libraries,” “bookstores,” and maybe “your local coffeehouse.” But have you ever really known anybody who picked up a date at the public library? Moreover, you may find that many intelligent people are introverts, and dating is always a bit of a challenge for them. Sometimes may seem unapproachable, which is really just shyness in disguise. There are a lot of geniuses who struggle with social skills and may not be able to read social clues as well as others; they may even inadvertently offend or annoy others without being aware of what they are doing. (Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory comes to mind here.)

Luckily, dating sites have gotten smart and caught on; you can now browse online profiles that are sorted according to intelligence level. For example, IQ Catch makes it easy to find someone you can connect with intellectually by providing a free online IQ test and labeling members with a bronze, silver, or gold rating. If a date who has a little something between the ears is a priority for you, you don’t have to waste time on the people who just don’t quite measure up. It’s easier than ever for modern-minded people to connect on a level that counts.


Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva


  1. Great post! I’ve found that even if I find someone attractive if they aren’t intelligent I lose interest quickly. Personally it’s important for me to go beyond the surface when dating.


  2. “So where do you find intelligent singles? The usual clichéd replies are “libraries,” “bookstores,” and maybe “your local coffeehouse.” But have you ever really known anybody who picked up a date at the public library?”

    ^^ This.


  3. You can find intelligent people at art exhibits, wine tastings, the ballet, plays, the opera, and at performances of classical music. Also, intelligent people know other intelligent people. Show up at these events and exchange names and contact information. Pretty soon you will find your date.


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