Instant chemistry. The “wow factor“. What is it? Does it matter? Does love at first sight really exist? Many have asked me if it really does matter and how much. Is there an impact of instant chemistry on relationship success? Well, I have given it some thought and asked a few people. What’s my answer? My answer is yes, and, no. Confused? You shouldn’t be.
Think about it this way. You meet someone and it’s like you were hit by train. It’s so intense you can hardly stand. THAT is chemistry. Something about them draws you in and keeps you there, you can’t pull yourself away. We’ve all been there and felt like that’s it, this is THE ONE. No doubt about it! But, did it pan out? Maybe, maybe not. Probably not. Some people just have that charisma and energy about them and this impacts the effect they have on other people. It gives instant chemistry, but it doesn’t give you a relationship. Relationships take a lot more than that. I’ll explain.
The Impact of Instant Chemistry on Relationship Success
Do you need chemistry to make a relationship work? I think it’s important, yes. Do you need INSTANT chemistry, no, not necessarily. Chemistry does not a relationship make. Chemistry is the added bonus. The problem with today’s dating world is that people are looking for that initial spark, the WOW when they first meet someone. If they don’t feel it then they’ll discount the person completely. I say that’s WRONG. I have met only a few people who I’ve had instant chemistry with and I thought for sure that they would be a long term item in my life, but, as it happened, chemistry wasn’t enough. Even if we both felt it. The opposite is true, I’ve had some great relationships with people I didn’t feel instant chemistry with.
Me and Mr.R? INTENSE chemistry. I mean major fireworks. The first time we spoke was incredible, we both felt it. I felt like I was hit by a meteor and I seriously thought I was going to pass out. He felt it too. We both still feel it. But, that didn’t translate into a relationship unfortunately. I went on a date a couple months ago with a someone who I also had crazy chemistry with (not as much as Mr. R) but we both definitely felt a connection, after a couple of dates it fizzled. Some guys I just “didn’t feel it” the first date, but I was still interested so I gave it a couple more dates and we definitely had something good and built some chemistry as we went along. In both cases it didn’t translate into a lasting relationship … so what’s the solution? Maybe something in between?
Good relationships are the product of building a solid foundation of trust, love, honesty, respect, consideration, generosity, passion and attraction. Also, common interests and values. Good relationships are two people walking in the same direction, together, side by side. Everything else is the pretty packaging, including instant chemistry. If you’ve got it all then you’re lucky, but really, the pretty packaging will not always be there, you need the stability in order to have relationship success.
Do It Yourself Chemistry
So you either have chemistry or you don’t, right? Wrong! Instant chemistry is all about the other person’s charisma and, of course, attraction. You might feel it but they might not. I think relationship success is two people who want to make it work. Chemistry is important, but, it can be built. I was reading recently that a lot of arranged marriages end up more successful and fulfilling than traditional arrangements. Why is that? It’s because they know they need to make it work so they do. Plain. Simple. So if people actually made an effort and let go of their unrealistic expectations perhaps there would be more successful relationship out there. Just a thought.
I think that if you have attraction and a general interest in the person then I think you should give it a shot. Build the chemistry. Those WOW moments will come. Instant chemistry is overrated. Stop looking for it and expecting it. It certainly isn’t a guarantee of relationship success. Don’t fool yourself and don’t give up those potentially great people just because they didn’t blow you away the first date. Now some people you’ll go out with and they’re a definite NO and that’s OK. What I’m talking about is those “maybe” people. You didn’t want to jump their bones but they were an interesting date. You enjoyed it and you enjoyed their company. You find them attractive. No chemistry? No problem. Try it anyway. There is such thing as do it yourself chemistry that has resulted in relationship success. Instant chemistry? Not so much.
Readers I’d love to know your thoughts and experience around instant chemistry. Do you think it’s necessary for relationship success? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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