We are all creatures of habit, we are also creatures of ego. We just can’t stand it when we aren’t in control of what’s going on in our lives. We are addicted to predictability. This is the age of instant gratification and we want what we want and we want it now! We do deserve it all, don’t we? At the press of a button you can get whatever you want. Patience is non existent. What I’ve learned, and observed from others is that the same goes for dating.
Instead of going with the flow and getting to know someone, we want instant relationships, we want them to want us and we want them to want us now! We expect sex like it’s no big deal. We are irresponsible with people’s emotions. We lack compassion and respect. We lack empathy. We’re selfish and self-serving. BUT, we’re also very insecure and unsure of ourselves. We protect ourselves and our emotions. We want to be with someone but we are afraid of what that means and we don’t want to get hurt. The grass seems to always be greener on the other side. Besides, why should we settle for one person (even if they’re great) when there are so many others out there (or are there really? do we really have that many options?). We are delusional. Yes, I said it. THAT is the state of dating today. That leads me to the the one biggest dating mistake people make. Can you guess what it is?
The One Biggest Dating Mistake People Make
I’m sure many thoughts have been running through your head about what this dating mistake I’m referring to is. We’ve all made many many dating mistakes, that’s how we learn. That’s what life is all about, nobody’s perfect and if you think you are then you’re more delusional than you think! When we meet someone new and go on a date, we all have something in mind, some would call it an expectation or some would call it an agenda. These preconceived notions lead to the biggest dating mistake people make … have you guessed yet? The one biggest mistake people make is having assumptions. Yup, simple as that. Assumptions are ruining your dating life and you don’t even know it. Assumptions are keeping you single. Think about it.
What are assumptions? What happens when you assume something is one way and it really isn’t? Well, you make the wrong decisions about people and things. I remember one of my communications professors would always say NEVER make assumptions because when you assume you make an ass out of you and me. It’s true, think about it. Assumptions aren’t based on truth, they are mostly based on your imagination and expectations. Often times you’ve already made up your mind about people and things before you even begin.
What are some dating assumptions we could make? Here are some you might recognize …
- expecting that your date should act a certain way and say certain things
- expecting your date to pay for the date or at least offer to pay
- expecting physical interaction such as touching, kissing or sex
- thinking that “all women” or “all men” are the same and judging your date by those standards
- assuming that just because someone is divorced that they aren’t a worthy partner
- thinking that your date has an agenda and being suspicious of their intentions
- thinking someone is on the same page as you without confirmation
- assuming that your date had a good time because you did
- expecting your date to treat you like royalty
- expecting that your date will blow you away and rejecting them if they don’t
- expecting a commitment right away
- seeing things through rose colored glasses and missing red flags
- assuming that you can or can’t be happy with someone because of the “ideal” you’ve created in your mind
- comparing your current date / person you’re seeing to partners from your past, or, your parents
- assuming that someone likes you and wants to be with you
- assuming people have nothing to do but to reply to your constant messages
- wanting people to automatically make you a central part of their life
- assuming someone will drop everything just for you, even their friends, connections with other women/men
- assuming what someone meant when they said something instead of asking or clarifying
- assuming that everyone is out to hurt you or use you or wants what you have
- assuming someone likes you or doesn’t like you
Shall I go on? I think you get the picture. Does this sound like you or have you been judged by those standards? Assumptions KILL relationships and make for unproductive human interactions. Assumptions are the one biggest dating mistake people make because you aren’t seeing someone as they are, you are seeing them as you want them to be or maybe as you are afraid they will be or maybe seeing them as YOU are. You are judging them by other people’s standards (including your own).
Each person in an individual and the beautiful thing about meeting someone new is discovering everything about this person – mentally, emotionally and physically. You create a life together, whatever that means for the two of you. No two relationships are ever the same and you shouldn’t expect them to be. Assumptions are dangerous, not only in dating but in life in general. You need to give up on that ego of yours and enjoy others for who and what they are. I guarantee you will be pleasantly surprised. Stop stressing about it! Enjoy the process of dating and if someone fits in your life and what you are looking for in a partner then great, if not then move on. Stop complicating things more than you need to by analyzing things to death. Plain. Simple.
READERS: What are some dating assumptions have you made or have been made about you? What happened? You can share your experience in the comments below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
Fabulous. I have been thinking this for months now. I was pressured to have a marriage by my parents and that constantly forced me to rush into relationships because to them I wasnt worth anything unless I was married. Even if it meant being married to a raging alcoholic. THANK GOD for therapy. 😉 Great post!
I wish I could stop analyzing everything. it drove this guy away that I really liked. Ugh, I guess there is always next time. I need to stop making so many damn assumptions!
From a serial-dating man’s point of view, I would say that it’s more about expectations. Yes, the assumptions are there, but those are quickly blown out of the water with me. Then we hit the bedrock of expectations which is when things go awry. There’s usually a mis-match between men and women’s expectations. Once I realized this, my dating experiences improved. I arrived with my own expectations that were never met. Seeing the person in front of me for who they are was a game-changer. No longer did I try to jam them into my mental mold. Going along with the woman’s expectations was a starting point because, if I fancied her, I would exceed her expectations through my actions and deeds, instead of proffering fine words. Quickly assessing my date’s expectations and then re-aligning myself led to my many adventures…seduction became easy.
I am so guilty of assuming someone does or doesn’t like me. Definitely need to stop doing that and just talk about it! Great points!
Great post, again! I am guilty as charged. I wish I could stop assuming…
I could not agree more! We sabotage ourselves by assuming too much. It’s time to step back and allow love or even just a good time to happen…
I have learned not to make assumptions and not to have expectations of other people because you can’t control anhone’s actions but your own. I do however make a different mistake and that’s over analyzing things. One event or comment, good or bad, can have my head spinning for days! That’s something I have to work on.
Boom – you are SO right! Assumptions do make an ass out of you and me! I’ve been guilty of making the assumption that we’re sexually exclusive without having a conversation about it, and boy can that bite you in the ass! I’ve learned the hard way to never assume anything, TALK about it first!
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