How many times have you had a mini anxiety attack when someone didn’t call you back when you thought they should, or when you’ve felt like you’re playing the dating waiting game, or when someone didn’t text you back in a timely manner, how about when things are going slower than you would like with someone new you’re dating, perhaps you had sex with someone and you haven’t heard from them again, or maybe your casual relationship doesn’t want to define things just yet … well, you get the picture.
There are so many situations out there in the dating world that cause you much grief. Trust me I know. I used to worry about everything. Every single crazy scenario would go through my head over and over again, some were even just plain silly. But, panicking didn’t serve me well, neither will it serve you well, especially in the current dating climate. I’m here to tell you that taking a dating chill pill is the only way. You need to learn how to step back and relax a bit because seriously stressing out won’t get you any further, actually, it will probably hold you back. Here’s why.
Take a Dating Chill Pill
You should take a dating chill pill because you can’t control others or your situation BUT you can control how you react. Think about it, what good is it to stress about your situation and wait by the phone. So he didn’t call you back after you had an awesome night together, perhaps you even had sex, but shit happens. It sucks, I totally get it, trust me I TOTALLY get it. I’ve been there, done that, but you know what I learned? I learned that things don’t always go our way. Things don’t always fall into place where were want them to, regardless of how bad we want it to happen. Dating is about the process and not the outcome. It’s taking it one day at a time. You will always end up where you need to be, whether you stress about it or not. You can’t make someone want you or encourage them. You need to be who you are and they will naturally either want to be with you or not. The trick is not to react. Take a chill pill and have your own life and your own activities. A person should fit comfortably like a puzzle piece, if you have to force it, then perhaps it’s not right for you. Stressing about things? Then perhaps they’re not a good fit for your life and what you need.
5 Tips on How NOT to React
We naturally react when we feel that things aren’t going the way we want to and sometimes that releases negative behavior, so what can you do instead? Here are 5 tips on how not to react in dating situation that isn’t going your way …
1. Take a Step Back, Take a Breath: when you’re stressed by a dating situation, you need to just relax and take a deep breath and take a step back. This will help you see things much more clearly rather than reacting out of pure emotion. When acting out of emotion, more often than not you will do and say the wrong things. One of my tricks is the following breathing exercise: 1 – close my eyes, 2 – take a deep breath for the count of 5 through my nose, 3 – hold for count of 5, 4 – breath out of my mouth for a count of 5 and repeat everything 5 times. It works every time because my focus is restored and my emotions are calmed down. Try it, it really works.
2. Understand Why You’re Acting This Way: Self-Awareness is an essential piece of the puzzle. Ask yourself why you’re stressing out? What is it you’re afraid of? Is it coming from a place of insecurity or perhaps wanting to control the situation? Only you can answer that. But be honest with yourself, it’s the only way to approach things maturely and effectively. Your ego and the way you THINK things should be isn’t necessarily the way things will play out. Trust in the process.
3. Understand Where They Are Coming From: Sometimes someone doesn’t call you back because they just don’t want to, sometimes they’re just an ass or even other times you might have seen something that they didn’t, perhaps they’re just selfish or they like to control the situation. Sometimes men don’t contact you. Plain and simple. You just have to cut your losses and move on. On the other hand perhaps they’re busy or can’t get to the phone. Just wait and if you don’t hear from them then nothing you can do about it – move on to the next! But whatever it is remember that different people have different communication styles, so before you jump to any conclusions just take a chill pill and let things happen naturally. Don’t let your ego run the show.
4. Consider the Consequences of Reacting: So let’s take a scenario. You’re dating someone and you’re not feeling 100% secure about where you stand. Sound familiar? OK. So you send them a text and they don’t respond. An hour goes by. Two hours. Perhaps even it’s the next day. How do you react when they finally respond? Do you freak out on them, or perhaps you’ve already blown up their phone with messages. Now, what are the consequences of your reaction? Probably not too positive huh?
Even if they do continue to speak with you, you’ve just turned into crazy lady in their eyes. Listen, I know it’s hard not to, but you need not freak out. What you SHOULD do in this situation is gently let them know that you didn’t appreciate not hearing from them until the next day or whenever they returned your text and how it made you feel. Remember, attacking someone is never the right answer and will get you nowhere fast. We’re not children and men don’t need their woman to be another mother. If you can’t trust that they’re not doing anything bad, then maybe you’re with the wrong person. Trust me, I hate waiting for those messages and call backs as much as anyone else, but I’ve learned to trust that they will get back to me when they can and if they don’t well screw them, there are many others who will treat me with respect.
5. Live Your Life: When you have a full, happy life on your own then things like this don’t bother you as much. You are more confident in yourself and you know that you are a prize. If they want to be part of your awesomeness then they will be, if not, well then why do you want them? Seriously. I can’t be bothered with someone who doesn’t respect me and treat me like I know I deserve to be treated. If I feel that a person isn’t on the same page as me, even if I like them, I need to send them packing. I’m not putting my life or goals on hold for “potential”. Live your life and be happily single, only then can you be happy with a +1 (or 2 or 3 ;)).
When you try and force things or enter in to situations that stress you out then you’re not doing yourself any favors. Taking a dating chill pill will help you see things more clearly and assess each situation for what it is and not what you think it is. Use your judgment and your instincts to pick your battles. Not everything is worth freaking out over. Taking a breath and re-focusing will help you do that more effectively. Listen, I know it’s hard, but you’re only going to make yourself smarter and stronger by doing this and not to mention demonstrate that you’re stable. Remember you can only control yourself and your actions and before you react think about the consequences. If you want to be a valuable partner to someone, then taking a dating chill pill and going with the flow is the only way.
READERS: What do you think? Have there been situations where you’ve freaked out on someone or have you sat there full of anxiety because someone hasn’t called you back? You can share your story and thoughts in the comments below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
THANK YOU. I’ve been saying this for some time now. First, you have to GET a life (spend some time cultivating some cool things you know how to do, and do them on your own, regardless of significant other or not). THEN, once you have a life, LIVE IT! As Maurice Sendak – author of Where the Wild Things Are says “Live your life, live your life, live your life.”… Just DO IT.
Love it! If you’re waiting around for someone to call you back, that’s exactly why they’re not calling you back! You need a life first. Then they’ll be attracted to you and call you back.. And the double bonus is that if they don’t call you back, you have other things to do and you won’t think much of it. Brilliant solution.
Basically, all of our pain comes from our reactions to things. I mean, other people say and do things that hurt us, but it’s how we choose to react that can either help us or hurt us. So right on. It is a hard thing to admit and to actually do, but we need to do as you said – take a step back, a deep breath, and go on with our lives. A stranger – even a hot one – isn’t worth that kind of anxiety!
I freaked out at a guy who I really really liked about not letting me know when he was busy and ignoring me instead.
and it backfired and it really hurts. I lost him because of my anxiety and I would do anything to get him back but he’s already made up his mind because I lost my temper a few times in a text message instead of taking a step back and thinking before I reacted.
There are so many times where I have said something I regretted and immediately wished I could take it back. And texting makes it way worse.
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