The Lost Art of Dating

lost-art-of-datingRecently I’ve been noticing a trend. A trend going in the WRONG direction. What used to be courting and dating has become something much less, actually, it’s become something not dating at all. It has become one of two extremes … “all or nothing” or “free for all” dating, if you want to even call it dating. What ever happened to wooing someone? Courting them? Perhaps it’s a result of dating in the age of instant gratification, I don’t know, but it needs to stop. Call me a traditionalist, even old fashioned, but I like taking my time to get to know someone before committing to them. Lately, things have drastically changed and I’m hearing it from many others as well. People are noticing that things are moving a little too fast. First date has become a technicality … it’s the springboard to a full on commitment or to the bedroom. Many just skip the first date altogether. Who needs to date if you’re attracted to each other and click, right? WRONG!! Whatever happened to getting to know someone in a real way? I think we need to bring dating back!! The lost art of dating has everything to do with what it REALLY takes to be a true partner to someone, earning their trust and building something real on a solid foundation.

The Lost Art of Dating – What IS Out There

lost-art-of-datingSo what’s been happening? Well, as I mentioned earlier, it seems people no longer want to enjoy the process of dating. They want to rush into things, whether it be a relationship or sex. This is magnified when you’re online dating. The amount of time wasters on there is extraordinary. While some people truly want to meet someone, most actually aren’t looking for anything real, even if they DO say they are looking for a relationship. On the most part they are “shopping around” and will judge people based on a few interactions or just messages for days on end without actually locking down a date.

Those who do want to meet generally have big expectations, some want the big fireworks display when they meet someone, some want an instant relationship, while others are looking for a hookup. Forget dating and getting to know someone, they want to lock, load and shoot … then move on to the next. In this world of having everything at your fingertips in an instant, dating has taken a turn for the worse. This rushing into sex and rushing into relationships is actually hurting people rather than helping them. It leaves many with a sense of emptiness and loneliness. The dating climate is a disastrous one, just look at how many dating blogs are out there talking about their horrible dating stories, that’s how I started way back in the day (even though that’s not the focus of my site now). Everyone, men and women, have a dating story to tell, entertaining as they may be, they also talk about what the dating climate is REALLY like for singles. Is it that people don’t really know what they want? Or is it that there is a perceived notion of lots of choice or desperation? Fear of commitment? I don’t know, all I know is that it’s hard to find people who want to actually get to know someone the old fashioned way – one date at a time – and it’s leading singles nowhere fast.

The Lost Art of Dating – What SHOULD Be Out There

I agree with other experts that say that there are no absolute rules to dating. There is no timeline for when to kiss, have sex or meet the friends and family, but, I do believe in actually dating. Yes, dating. What does that mean? Well …

  • roses-are-redIf after your first date they leave you wanting to get to know them more, and you feel some chemistry, go out with them multiple times, in different venues, different activities, getting to know them and letting things progress naturally.
  • Treat the person you’re dating in a way that makes them feel special to you, buy them flowers or tickets to a sports game or treat them to something that makes them happy.
  • Be thoughtful and pay attention to what’s important to them and their priorities.
  • Be open to the things that they like and try new things with them, get to know them and what makes them happy.
  • Have sex when you’re physically, mentally and emotionally ready to accept any outcome without it bothering you.
  • Remember that the person you’re meeting is a stranger. I’m not, by any stretch of the imagination, saying be paranoid or that anyone is out to get you, but just keep that in mind, so date safely in public places at first.
  • Manage your expectations. Don’t be in such a rush to fall in love, let it happen in its own time and for the right reasons. Rushing feelings might lead to infatuation rather than love.

Go out there and date and HAVE FUN dating. Enjoy the process and meet some great people and there ARE some great people out there. Don’t rush it or expect too much too fast. Be honest with your intentions and never misrepresent yourself. Take red flags and gut feelings seriously. Treat others like you want to be treated … simple enough right? Right??!! Go forth and date my friends, and I mean actually date. If it works out great, if it doesn’t then at least you tried. So court someone, woo them … you’ll be glad you did!!

READERS: Do you agree that we need to bring back the lost art of dating? What has been your experience?

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva

7 comments

  1. I couldn’t agree more with your description of the parlous state of affairs – and I use that word deliberately. As a well-intentioned man in the dating scene, the variety of personas and sheer number of each is breath-taking. For me the most surprising things is that so few women have that crazy little thing called “love” as a priority. I am beginning to despair…

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  2. My ‘friend’ and I have been communicating for seven months and been together 10 to 12 times getting to know each other, opening up our shy selves and have a unique thing going for us. We are both older, he by 18 years over myself, and very busy individuals. We have a set day that we spend together each month, simply because spontaneity is not available to either of us. Yet, in that one day we have gone from just hanging out to getting closer and closer each time. We have not had intercourse, but simply share a bed with lots of cuddling (it makes being a busy single person more bearable). I really enjoy the slow pace he has put us on (I was impatient in the beginning). From the beginning he has always stated, “We have plenty of time and I want to enjoy and savor every moment with you.” I don’t know where we will end up, but I do know we will be friends for life.

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  3. I gave up on dating online because of this. I am a firm believer in friends first (meaning getting together without any type of sexuality)and most men aren’t like that online. They either want a serious relationship off the bat (saw this in particular on religious sites)or just sex. Unfortunately online really isn’t set up for what I am looking for, it’s instant gratification and if people don’t feel an immediate spark they move on. That’s not how traditionally dating worked. It’s why I know so many who have met and dated people for a few months and then someone gets dumped because of meeting another person online. I know many who met once, decided there was nothing and never got together. This happened to me where I met a guy, he decided there was no chemistry and we never saw each other again. I wasn’t crazy about him either but if we had gotten together another time maybe things would have happened. This guy told me he had gone on many first dates online but none were second dates.

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  4. I used to put a lot of pressure on dating. I started to dislike it and get more and more frustrated. But I eventually realized that it takes time and I should have fun instead. So I stopped putting pressure on dates and just went out to have a good time. If we clicked, then we could see each other again.

    During this process I had a ton of fun and I learned a lot about myself as well. It helped me to realize what exactly I was looking for and helped me to improve in some areas where I was lacking.

    So, I agree….go out and just date. It doesn’t have to work out to have a good time. At least you get a night out and get to meet some new people. And at the worst, you have a great story to tell!

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  5. Totally agree. I’ve been dating for just over a year now and that’s why I started my blog. The men I’ve encountered either just want sex or waste your time. It’s meet for coffee, then sex. Get to know the woman after. Admittedly I should have said no sex and dating only to start. But sometimes you want to let loose. All in all, I’m now tired of “dating”. Bring back those old fashioned values of courting!

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  6. This statement makes me curious: “Have sex when you’re physically, mentally and emotionally ready to accept any outcome without it bothering you.”

    How do you get yourself to such a state? Sex for me is always so emotional that I do not even want to have a one night stand. I will fall for that person and will be a mess for a month. So I am very curious about how to get to that state where you’d be fine with whatever the outcome.

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  7. Totally agree i was begining to wonder if it was just me being a little old fashiined and a tad jaded that was making me go “no i want to date someone and get to know them before bonking their bod”. But happily you have proved me wrong

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