Too Much Sugar and Not Enough Spice? A Recipe for a Dating Disaster!

sugar-spice-dating-quoteToo much sugar, not enough spice? Right there, my friends, is a recipe for dating disaster. Why? Doesn’t everyone want a partner who’s good to them and treats them nicely? Of course! No one is questioning that BUT when there isn’t any balance, the cracks starts emerging and get bigger and bigger. Just like with anything in life, balance is important, it’s what keeps life interesting. Imagine how boring life would be if everything flowed smoothly all the time? What would you learn? How would you be challenged? How would you grow as a person?

Looking back on your life, haven’t your challenges contributed to the person you are today? Of course they have, for good or for bad, they have. It brings to mind a quote from Madeleine L’Engle “you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light”. How much sense does THAT make? LOTS!! It comes back to having balance … throwing in some spice in your sugar makes it sooo much tastier!!

Dating in the Age of Instant Gratification and Our Need For Spice

sugar-spice-datingI’ve often said that we’re dating in the age of instant gratification. What does that mean? It means that people want everything and they want it now. It’s about making impulsive choices that satisfy a current need without considering tomorrow and any consequences. What does that mean for the dating world? Well it means a lot of casual relationships, casual sex and people getting bored with the same person because, there is ALWAYS something spicier and more interesting out there. Technology has given people instant access to anything they want at any time they want and lots of spice, so, naturally that translates into their relationships. Show of hands how many of you can’t stay away from your smartphone? Need to constantly check your social media? Emails? Texts? Don’t worry you’re not alone. It’s all part of the culture of instant gratification.

Those looking for a commitment want it right away, those just looking for sex expect it quickly without considering the effect it will have on them and the other person and those who date casually are always looking for the next best thing to satisfy their egos. Forget waiting and enjoying the process of dating, learning about someone and growing together. Don’t get me wrong, I’m often guilty of this too. I get bored pretty quickly and that’s why I have such a busy life. In a relationship, I do need constant stimulation. I need the spice … too much sugar just doesn’t work for me and I’m not the only one. Right or wrong, it’s just how most people are these days. It’s about being present in each other’s lives, giving each other attention, having healthy intimacy, lots of passion, respect for each other and true fulfillment in every way. These have always been human needs but are amplified by the current culture.

Too Much Sugar and Not Enough Spice? 

If too much sugar and not enough spice is the recipe for dating disaster, what’s the recipe for dating success? The recipe for dating success is having a healthy balance of sugar and spice. What that means is that having things rosy and peaceful all the time doesn’t mean you have a great relationship. There has to be that challenge, something to strive for, helping your relationship grow in a healthy way.

Here are the ingredients needed in the recipe for dating success:

Sugar: kindness, respect, affection, generosity, compliments, encouragement, communication, support, positivity, making them feel special, making them feel wanted, intentions clear, making them feel safe, making them feel needed, consistency, stability, honesty

Spice: passion, challenge, intimacy, satisfying sex, novelty, bringing your “A” game, putting your best foot forward, enticement, constructive disagreements, impulsiveness (when appropriate), keeping things interesting, demonstrating ambition, a little bit of mystery

Some like it spicier (I do!), some like it sweeter and some like to change it up a bit, but what’s important is having a balance. We all know that you can have too much of a good thing … so too much sugar and not enough spice (or vice versa) is definitely a recipe for dating disaster!! Only you know what’s best for you but don’t settle for less because you’ll inevitably end up unfulfilled and unhappy. Some food for thought as you go forth in your dating adventures!! 

READERS: What do you think? Do you need a balance of sugar and spice to keep a relationship moving forward in a positive direction? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva


  1. I totally agree with this,but the funny thing is that when you get married I feel that it replaces spice with bitters and sugar with Splenda.
    I’ve been married twice and it seems that married people stop trying as much. your around each other almost all the time, so you have the same stories and experiences. If you have kids it’s even worse because now it’s all about the kids, and the you that made you you has been replaced with a watered down PG version.
    I think marriage licences should expire after about 7 years, that way you gotten stay sharp or your contract might not get picked up for a second season.


    • Haha I like that … replacing spice with bitters and sugar with splenda! It really is about the couple making sure the sugar and spice stays alive, if not then all you’re left with is broken pieces and a recipe for disaster. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!


  2. L. Jones, Why hate on marriage? There’s no reason for it not to be spicy and x rated. The Diva’s advice in here applies to marriages as well.


  3. Spot on Diva, spot on! It does take balance and some of us…eh hem, me…. like it spicier than others. I absolutely admit to constantly checking my phone and always being on the go. I need constant stimulation in dating and in the rest of my life and when I don’t have it, I move on. Great post! Oh and to L.Jones– sweetie, marriage is what you both make of it. If you (either of you) get lazy and stop doing what you did in order to get your mate, then you sure as hell aren’t going to keep your mate! It takes two! XOXO


  4. I know I need spice to keep things interesting and although I wouldn’t class myself as a serial dater I’ve been dating for six years and can’t seem to settle on one person, always with a ‘good reason’ – so I don’t know what’s needed to make a long term relationship work because I’m not in one – maybe the need for spice is why?


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