False hope in dating. We’ve all been there. We want something so bad that we hold on to every little inch of whatever we’re given, hoping to give it more meaning than is there. False hope is almost always built around fantasies and wishful thinking. Why do we hold on to false hope in dating when we could be out there finding something better? I’ve asked myself the same question over and over again because goodness knows I’ve certainly “been there, done that” until I boarded the reality train and then I never looked back (well maybe just a peek).
I know I’m not alone in this, I get countless emails from readers who are looking to analyze a dating relationship to death. They are desperate to mine whatever small piece of gold they can in their bucket of waste. Harmless, right? Unrequited love is romantic, right? WRONG!! It’s dangerous!! That is why I wanted to discuss the hidden dangers of false hope in dating with you.
The Hidden Dangers of False Hope in Dating
If I can give any dating advice to my dear readers it would be that managing dating expectations is extremely important, to be realistic at all times and that logic should always prevail. Time and again we encounter time wasters when dating and end up in Neverland waiting for them to finally give us what we KNOW they want and we want too.
You KNOW you’re the best thing to ever happen to them … they NEED you … you enhance their life … you are their IDEAL match … what you two have is epic … you just KNOW that you are meant to be. Hands up, who’s guilty of saying and feeling these things? Listen, you’re not alone, like I said I’ve been there on more than one occasion.
Even when you try to let go you still can’t. It’s so difficult. But there are definitely hidden dangers of false hope in dating. What are they? Well, here are a few that I’ve encountered personally and through my readers’ experiences:
- You become obsessed with the person, their actions, their whereabouts and their life in general
- You over analyze every word they say and action you experience from them looking for hidden meanings to demonstrate what you want to hear
- You manipulate situations to turn them in your favor where they are involved
- Even though they haven’t really committed to you, you keep holding out for the day that they will
- You don’t give a chance to potentially great matches because you want to be available for when your love finally decides to make it official
- You compromise your own needs for theirs and would be willing to give up your values for them
- You develop a hero complex and want to save them
- Your pride goes out the window
- You would do anything for them … they say jump and you say how high
- You think that you can’t get better or don’t deserve better than them
But wait a minute, you say, isn’t an ideal relationship one where everything you have inside is invested into that other person? Well, sure it’s part of it, but, only if it’s reciprocated. False hope in dating occurs when it really is one sided.
They aren’t really interested in an actual official relationship with you or in being with you in any real way. They’ve told you this but you don’t believe them. You just want to believe so hard that they’ll come around. Let me save you the grief, waiting around is only hurting you and not them. If they wanted to be with you they would be.
Fall in love with someone who deserves your heart and will cherish it and take care of it, not someone who will use and abuse it and play with it like a toy. You deserve that. You deserve better. Let go of your false hope in dating and move on to better and brighter things. Move on to your very own happily ever after.
Trust me, it will be the best decision you ever made. Besides, as the great Lebanese writer Khalil Gibran said on several occasions, “if you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.” Let go. Move on. Plain. Simple.
READERS: Have you ever experienced false hope in dating? What was the outcome? Did you hold on longer than you should have with a time waster or did you get your happy ending? We would love to hear your story or insights in the comments below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva