Love potions, spells and sex oh my! I recently came across an article titled How to Make Someone Fall In Love With You. I was instantly intrigued. I mean really, what sort of statement was THAT? How many people over time have tried to get someone to fall in love with them. They’ve tried everything from love potions to having sex with them to manipulating them and everything else under the sun. Did it work? Chances are that it didn’t. It only made things worse. Time and again I’ve reminded people that if someone wants to be with you, to love you, they will do it. No need to stress about it, just move on. But, of course, our pride gets in the way doesn’t it? You can, however, do something that will make you more loveable. That’s what the above mentioned article REALLY was about. They listed factors that will more than likely get you to love’s door such as proximity, similar values, satisfying our basic needs, social approval, attraction (physical and mental), “something” about them that intrigues you, a familiarity about them, spending time together and the one most important (in my opinion) is their readiness to be in a romantic relationship. Did you notice a trend here? These are all external factors more or less out of your control. It’s not anything that you can do that can influence someone’s affection. OK so we’ve established that you can’t make someone love you, but what can you do?
You Can’t Make Someone Love You BUT You CAN Do This
I’m going to share with you all the great things that you can do to find love. I promise that although they might seem counterintuitive, they DO work. Call me crazy, I don’t know about you but I’d want someone to love me because they love me, not because I somehow influenced it or coerced it in any way. That’s certainly more of a WIN than using manipulation to get what you want. So what can you do?
- Be happily single. What this means is that you need to make sure you’re happy and fulfilled on your own BEFORE seeking a partner. If you don’t love yourself and your own company why would you expect someone else to? It’s no one’s responsibility to fulfil you and make you whole.
- Date A LOT. Yes, you heard right. Date a lot. Go out with lots of different people, even ones you wouldn’t necessarily consider. This will give you a better idea of what’s out there and what you really want.
- Take Care of Yourself. Be happy, be healthy, be emotionally stable, be well put together. No one wants a dramatic stinky slob for a partner.
- Check Your Baggage. If you’ve got emotional baggage from previous experiences take care of it and move on. It’s no one’s job to help you carry your baggage. It’s also not their fault someone did you wrong. This also includes trying to make them feel sorry for you and being the victim. Put your big girl or boy underwear on and deal with whatever issues you have BEFORE looking for love.
- Have Self Respect. Don’t ever let yourself be compromised by another person. Never do anything (like having sex) unless it’s something you want to do, not just because you think it will get them to love you and be with you. Stand up for your core values and beliefs. DON’T be a clinger and when someone’s not interested, MOVE ON!
- Manage Your Expectations. Not every person you date or speak to is going to commit to you. Not everyone is even going to like you. Same for you, you reject people too. Be smart about the choices you make and let their actions show you how they feel, not what you’ve imagined in dreamy dreamy land.
- Be Realistic. Everyone wants the “cream of the crop” partner but ask yourself, are YOU “cream of the crop”? What makes you so special? What do YOU have to offer? What do YOU bring to the table? What’s in it for THEM? Remember, you’re not a “catch” if you keep getting thrown back into the water. Harsh? Perhaps, but it’s REALISTIC!
- Don’t Believe Everything You Hear. Some people will tell you anything you want to hear in order to get what they want from you. Sound familiar? Unless they follow their words with concrete actions and consistency then they’re not sincere. They have to demonstrate their affection for you, just as you have to show your affection for them, or else it’s not real.
- Recognize Your Weaknesses. We all have things we need to work on in ourselves. It could be our appearance, it could be our financial status, it could be our lifestyle, or, it could be our personality. Whatever it is, we need to know what we bring to the table and what sort of liability we are to others. It’s no one’s responsibility to take care of us if we can’t do it ourselves. Remember, be realistic with your expectations.
- Stay Positive. Dating is a process and you need to enjoy it while being happily single. You will find what you’re looking for but it can’t happen if you’re negative. Saying that “all men” or “all women” are the same ensures that you keep attracting the same. You get what you put out there, so put out positive energy and see all the great things that will result.
What does this all amount to? It amounts to you being an IDEAL PARTNER. When you are an ideal partner, then people will be attracted to you like a magnet. The RIGHT people for you. It also amounts to you being the best version of yourself you can be. Single IS NOT a bad word and until you find the right fit for you and your life be happily single. It’s simple actually, you can’t make someone fall in love with you but you CAN be someone people want to fall in love with and being happily single helps enormously with that. It’s up to you. Challenge accepted? I hope so!
READERS: What makes YOU an ideal partner to others? Have you tried making someone fall in love with you? Share your experiences in the comments below.
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
How can I date a lot if every woman I ask turns me down? @ age 60 maybe time to give up
Thanks for sharing your experience Doug. It’s NEVER time to give up. There are many many women your age who are looking for love just like you. You need to ask yourself what you can do differently and perhaps why they are turning you down, it could be your approach or any number of things. Keep working on YOU, be realistic and the rest will fall in place.
I think these are all so true. However, one that I struggle with is the cream of the crop. Only because I don’t get if someone is a certain way why can’t they find someone like them? All I wanted was a man around my age without children (including grown). Even though I’m pretty and educated that wasn’t important to me. Yet the majority of men who contacted me were much older and/or had kids, or were obese (I’m not obese at all). This might assume that I’m not the cream of the crop but I didn’t think my standards were that high and that I didn’t bring much baggage to the relationship.
This is never popular when I say it but often it’s timing. Maybe someone doesn’t want a relationship with anyone at that time or with that person. Maybe things will click down the line. Not that anyone should hold out hope but I’ve seen this a lot, like long time friends who eventually became more.
Nice writing. You can add another point: 11. Judge Your Value: You are not as cheap as you are thinking. You’ve a weight that is your personality. Never show yourself to another one who don’t know about you much. Remember, you’ve a value which you are carrying in your body. That is not so much cheap.
Love love love! I’m sick of hearing friends and acquaintances tell me they are looking for that one person that completes them. You need to complete yourself and then share your life with a partner! Great advice here 🙂
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