If you’re single, you’ve probably experienced dating experts, family, friends, and the Internet all inundating you with different information about what red flags to look out for when you’re meeting a new potential love interest.
Doesn’t divulge much information about themself? Red flag. Has baby-mama (or baby-daddy) drama? Red flag. Isn’t nice to the waiter at the restaurant you’re at? Red flag. I could go on and on and on.
The Biggest, Reddest Dating Flag Of Them All
While all these aforementioned dating red flags have merit, there is something so simple, so underrated, that it’s almost forgotten about in the flurry of excitement that comes with meeting a new person for the first time:
Beware if your date doesn’t ask you any questions about yourself.
From personal experience, I’ve come to the firm conclusion that not asking questions about the other person is the single biggest, reddest dating flag of them all. The reason we tend to ignore this fact is because when we date, we get caught up in the moment. We are so concentrated on charming this new individual and making it all about them – making sure they’re having a good time, ensuring that they like you – that we forget about ourselves and we put ourselves second (this goes for both men and women).
It’s important to remember though that a first-time conversation is very indicative of what the future relationship between two people will hold. This is because a conversation, like a relationship, is meant to be a two-way street. And if the dialogue is completely one-sided within the first 1.5 hours of meeting someone, then you can bet that any relationship you enter into with that person will continue to be one-sided.
Asking questions about the other person shows a genuine interest (or at the very least, a show of politeness) in who you are, what you care about, your life story etc. A good rule to live by is this: if a person is interested in you, then they will ask you questions. If they are not interested: they won’t ask you questions.
You can attempt to rationalize an individual’s reasons for talking only about themselves on the first date, but the fact of the matter is that if they don’t show an interest in you from the get-go, you won’t be getting the TLC that you so want from a relationship from them anytime soon. Anyone who is worth your time and energy will counter any questions you ask with questions of their own.
It’s a huge dating red flag if you ask multiple questions only to be met either by silence, or long, one-sided monologues. If you feel like you’re adopting the role of interviewer, and your date the role of interviewee, then abandon ship!
Women are especially prone to not noticing this red flag because they are naturally more nurturing and alert to the other person’s needs and wants. In a dating situation, this translates into women making sure their man is “taken care of” in an emotional sense. Is your date’s ego being stroked enough? Are you showing enough interest in him to satisfy his “masculinity?” Are you being “feminine” enough and letting him “take charge?”
Oftentimes, a woman’s nature will result in them taking a backseat and making it all about the guy. Either they will let him talk all about himself, or they will stimulate this monologue by asking lots of questions about him. Of course, this can also work in the reverse, and I know plenty of guys who have discussed this dating red flag with me, saying that the women they’ve dated have been very self-absorbed and didn’t ask them any questions. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter whether you’re a man or woman; you deserve someone who reciprocates interest when you show interest in them.
So keep this in mind! And be sure to look out for this dating red flag next time you go out with a lucky individual!
READERS: Have you ever been on a date with someone who didn’t seem that interested in you or what you had to say? Share your experiences of your dating red flags in the comments below!
This article was written by Tinderella. A 20-something sex and relationship blogger based in the UK. She loves to make people laugh with her terrible sex and dating stories, but occasionally she does also have some sound advice to offer about the realm of dating, sex and relationships. Check out her blog called Great Sexpectations at www.tinderellablogs.com and follow her on Twitter at @TinderellaBlogs.
I agree it’s a red flag and I have experienced it many times.
My only caveat would be that sometimes over talking is a sign of nervousness… So if I think someone isn’t just self absorbed, I will sometimes give them a chance to relax (either on the first date or a second) before I draw the conclusion you have.
You’re absolutely right about there being tons of things we can take as red flags.
A guy talking too much about himself is definitely a turn off but like the reader above said, it could be a sign of nervousness.
Some men act like our meet up or date (especially the first) needs to be an elevator speech or job interview.
If the time progresses and he’s still blabbing about “I, me, myself”, I’ll interject.
The funny thing about dating is that you never know. I could have a guy seem totally interested in me, asking plenty of good questions and never hear from him again.
It’s a coin toss.
I agree. I’ve dated men like this and they either just wanted anyone or were self centered. Either way, no thanks.
These are usually the dates that end by having the guy say something like this: I really enjoyed my time iwth you. You’re a great conversationalist!
I have actually went on a few dates where the other person had no interest in me. It got so depressing that the next date I went on I did that. I had no interest in my date. It’s nastier when you do it when it is done to you.
Either way it’s nasty but I get it. That’s why I hate online dating, you don’t know offhand how you will click.
I came across this when chatting with women on dating sites that state they are “interested” but they have no conversation. I’ll indulge the conversation until I get consistant one word answers followed by no questions about me.
If I get this type of women I don’t waste time on a face to face meeting.
Also if we advance to a phone conversation and have nothing to talk about I don’t pursue it.
I did that a lot and yeah it meant I wasn’t interested. Usually I was way out of the man’s league (looks, education whatever)but didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I replied to messages. Guys I really liked got longer messages.
So why bother replying if you were not really interested?
It’s just wasting both your time.
Because I didn’t want to be mean but also because they were often mean if I just rejected.
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