Why Desperation and Insecurity are NOT Attractive When Dating

Have you ever had to block someone on your online dating profile? Although I RARELY have to do it, I have had to.  In my case, it was getting senseless.  What happened you ask?  Well, desperation happened! This guy was NOT too proud to beg.  How desperate do you have to be to put all your pride and logic aside for a message from a random stranger?  I wonder sometimes.  While navigating the dating world we do encounter all types, the good, the bad, the ugly if you will. Desperation, however, seems rampant. Why? Well, people get anxious about still being single. They get anxious that their “happily ever after” will never come, so they cling to whatever seems good at the moment. They can’t take no for an answer. Now, what if it’s you who’s sliding down the slippery slope of desperation and insecurity? You know what I’m talking about. It’s that little voice inside your head telling you the other person doesn’t like you, or you’re not good enough, or perhaps that they aren’t sincere. Someone who’s insecure isn’t confident in themselves or in the dating relationship at any stage.

My situation got me thinking, have I ever done that to anyone?  Well, sometimes we get a little crazy when someone doesn’t respond to us or there is a weird situation or we don’t get closure.  I do admit, when I’ve felt insecure I might send unnecessary multiple messages to someone.  But, typically, if I send a message to someone and they don’t respond, I leave it at that.  I don’t try again.  I certainly do not consider desperate by any stretch of the imagination! But how can you tell? Well …

Signs of Desperation When Dating

How can you tell if you or someone is exhibiting desperate and insecure behavior? Here are some tell-tale signs:

  • Clinging: Someone who’s clingy will read more into your actions than you intend and will take it to that next level in their head. All attempts at getting rid of them fail. There is a constant barrage of messages, even planning on their part because they’re living in dreamy dreamy land.
  • Can’t Take No For An Answer: Regardless of how many times you told them you’re not interested they keep trying and continue as if nothing happened leaving you feeling helpless and frustrated resulting in lashing out.
  • Jealousy: They want to know where you are and with who at all times. You can’t even talk to or look at anyone without them freaking out. Even if you are just speaking online this could happen. They check when you’ve been on and wonder why you didn’t reach out to them and who you DID reach out to.
  • Freak Out When You Don’t Respond: If they message you and you take your time to respond they message over and over again. It doesn’t matter that you’re busy or have other things to do, they want the answer.
  • They Have Already Planned Their Forever: This person has already planned their whole life and just need you to stand in the place of the partner. They planned their wedding, their kids and their white picket fence. They talk about it all the time almost obsessively.

But do we get obsessive sometimes? Perhaps a little insecure and desperate?  I think we do, but you want to avoid it when you’re dating! You don’t want to be the crazy person that someone blocks.  We sometimes get caught up in the exchanges and forget we are dealing with real people.  Because we are interacting behind a computer screen, we leave behind our inhibitions and social graces.  It happens, but it’s important to remember that we are all online to meet a potential partner.  It is also important to remember that regardless how lonely and desperate you are no one wants to hear that.  It’s a huge turn-off for others.  It makes them run the other way.

My word of advice, don’t let your ominous need for companionship cloud your judgment If your needs are not being met by someone then perhaps they aren’t the right person for you. If someone doesn’t want to be with you then move on. No need for a reason, just remember what Dita Von Teese said: “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”  Just be normal and yourself, be happily single, live your life and you WILL find someone. Don’t let loneliness cloud your judgment when dating. It might take more time than you’d like, but remember, you want the RIGHT person, not just any person.

Have a dating dilemma? You can always Ask Single Dating Diva a confidential dating question on http://singledatingdiva.com.

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally appeared on eHarmony Canada.

One comment

  1. Saw this so often. I want to be part of a couple but not to the point that I’ll date anyone. However, I had many men become desperate, like assuming because we were chatting (not even had met yet)we were an item. Other men got creepy in many ways about this.


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