Have you ever dated someone, or had a relationship, and looked back after it was all over and thought “what the hell was I thinking?”. Perhaps you settled for something less than you really wanted, or deserved. But why? Well, there are many reasons … perhaps they were charming …. perhaps they were intriguing … perhaps they were a project you felt like taking on … but, chances are the real reason you ended up with them was because you were lonely. You were at that point where desperation was on the menu. Maybe you found out that your ex was madly in love with someone new or all your friends are with their significant others and you have nothing to do. There could be a kazillion reasons why you feel lonely … but loneliness can be dangerous. Don’t let loneliness cloud your judgement in dating.
Don’t Let Loneliness Cloud Your Judgement in Dating
So let’s talk more about loneliness, in my quest to understand more about it, I came across this article about Coping with Loneliness. It talks about how we should embrace solitude and make the best of it. But what do you do if you’re feeling lonely, and maybe desperate? The author says that “Loneliness can be so agonizing that it often presses us to seek a quick remedy, something to numb the pain.” We’ve all been there, right? The author continues that “if loneliness is driving our decisions, we might jump impulsively into a high-risk sexual encounter or a soon-to-be-regretted relationship. An urgent need to connect might also push us to reopen a friendship or romantic bond that really wasn’t that great for either of us.” Sound familiar? Yup, it does to me, you too I’ll bet! We run towards the wrong situation, the wrong person, to satisfy that need for companionship and feel less lonely.
Single is NOT a Bad Word
I know I sound like a broken record, but I will keep saying it: Single is NOT a Bad Word!! You CAN be Happily Single!!! OK there I said it … so, then, why so so blue? Ask yourself if you are AFRAID to be alone and why. Fill your life with so much great stuff and people you don’t have time to be lonely. Enrich yourself. Use this as an opportunity for growth. Being single sucks sometimes, I get it, boy do I get it, but being lonely in the wrong relationship is even worse. So what do you do if you’re having a bad day? Well, the author previously mentioned suggested “that we can often take the edge off in simple, cost-free ways: a call to a family member, some light small talk with a stranger, or a heart-to-heart with a trusted friend.” Those are great ideas and ones that have worked for me. Perhaps it isn’t a perfect substitute for a partner or companion, but it sure helps take the edge off without getting you into trouble. So next time you’re feeling lonely, remember you’re not actually alone, stop feeling sorry for yourself, decline the invitation to the dating pity party and get out and do something fun.
READERS: Has loneliness ever clouded your judgement in dating? Share your experience in the comments below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
Agreed. I shudder now thinking of his I settled because I wanted to be like everyone else. One of the winners was a 35 year old alcoholic when I was 22. Another was a con artist/pimp who was obese and stole from me. A third isn’t a bad guy but was still in high school at 20 and noe has a series of exwives and children. I still talk to this one but even nie begs me to date him some 25 years after we broke up. Now I prefer single hood to settling.
Agree! I love that you said it: single is not a bad a word. Awesome post!
Apart from all the great ideas from Suzie!! one should also practice mindfulness through meditation. This way you will have better control over your emotions which ultimately will result in better decision making. Don’t make short term decision for which you have to regret later.
Love your posts Suzy. I agree, being in a relationship can be wonderful but only if it’s the right relationship. You should never stay in one just because you think you might be lonely when you are single. I find that being in a unhappy relationship is more lonely than being single.
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