The Most Common (But Unknown) Online Dating Mistakes You Are Making: Guest Post

online-dating-mistakesIt’s free! Search singles profiles, flirt, read and chat with people you’d like to meet. This is what online dating is all about and the odds of finding love online has never been greater. Love CAN be found online because the internet makes it easier for other single people to meet up. But if you have been using online dating and never gone on a successful date could you be making these unknown common dating mistakes?

The Most Common But Unknown Online Dating Mistakes You Are Making

Searching for the right online dating site

When a dating site is not getting you the results you want it’s easy to point the finger and say there are no good men on this website and switch to a different site. You Google for the best website to find your ideal man which seems more productive than working to improve your profile and taking better pictures to attract better quality men.

The truth is that any website with lots of single men can be the right website because it’s not the website itself but how you use it. The biggest factor that determines whether women find love online or not is how much they persevere to do the right thing in dating, stay positive, and remain committed to finding love. It’s not about finding the right website.

You expected a completely honest online dating profile

When it comes to online dating we all want to be given a chance. We want the opportunity to meet in person and not be judged only by our online dating profile. He said he was 5’10” but in reality he’s shorter. He looked fit and athletic in his pictures but in person he’s on the heavier side. His pictures weren’t recent!

You were deceived and the excitement you anticipated meeting him just wanes. Now online dating just sucks! What else did he lie about?

Before you judge him do a check-in! Haven’t you fibbed on your profile before? Didn’t you post your most attractive pictures that were a few years old and even lowered your age by a few years to initially attract men? We can justify to ourselves why we fib on our profiles. So wouldn’t it make sense that he does the same?

He lies online because he sees himself as an insecure person but not untrustworthy. Lying happens on everyone’s profile. It’s not right but it happens on online dating. Just don’t be surprised or upset when it does.

You meet for coffee dates to save time

With online dating your mailbox is full of messages from men who are eager to meet you. To save time and energy you go on coffee dates or meet them for happy hour to screen through them quicker. You will probably know within 5 minutes if you want to see him again so why spend more time?

Your focus becomes on the QUANTITY of men not with the QUALITY of men you meet. You bypass properly screening men and getting to know them before figuring out if he is worthy of your time so you eagerly meet in person.

This leads to crappy first dates.

The way to enjoy online dating is being selective with who you go out with not with every guy who asks you out. Get to know them over the course of thoughtful messages and phone conversations which takes time and thought. You benefit by putting the time upfront because you get to go out with one great guy on a Friday night versus a handful of crappy coffee dates during the week. Dating becomes more enjoyable and you stick with online dating longer because you know love doesn’t happen overnight.

You expect to fall in love in 30 days or less

Remember you joined online dating because you were not meeting enough men in real life. Your dating experience can be frustrating and feel hopeless at times.

It takes a lot of work to find love and if finding love was quick and easy then everyone would be in love. Online dating sites and matchmakers would be out of business because love was easy to find.

In reality your tall, successful, honest man is not going to magically appear at your doorstep before your monthly gym membership renews. Dating is a long-term game until you find the one you want to be with forever so remember why you want to find love. You don’t want to be online dating forever but it’s unrealistic to expect that you’ll meet him in less than 30 days.

Apply one of these tips to make you more successful at online dating. Here’s to a happier dating life!

READERS: Are you guilty of making these online dating mistakes? Share your experience in the comments below!

 

About the Author: Candace Wong is the author of http://www.createahappylovelife.com/. She has a mission to help smart, ambitious women find love through bringing out the confidence in women to create genuine, long lasting relationships with Mr. Right who will make them feel spectacular inside and out.

11 thoughts on “The Most Common (But Unknown) Online Dating Mistakes You Are Making: Guest Post

  1. Candace – I agree with most of this except your coffee dates comment. The gist I agree with (it takes time). Assuming someone is being selective (I have a set of guidelines I adhere to, which I’ve blogged about) and you have established commonalities through texting and perhaps a phone call, I think it’s a mistake to wait to meet someone. If I’ve been chatting with someone for a week and the guy hasn’t asked to meet, that’s a red flag. Some men (and women too I understand) will string someone along for a long time. But perhaps most importantly, chemistry is critical. If you connect for too long before meeting and get emotionally invested (I see this happen to women all the time) then you meet them and there is no connection, it’s a huge letdown. I find when that happens people get even more cynical about dating.

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    • I was thinking the exact same thing. I dated online for years before meeting The One (not online) and I know that the quality of communication two people can have online, or even on the phone, does not usually translate to face-to-face interracting. I say go for coffee as soon as you’ve established that he’s cute and not psycho. Also, Ann is too right is saying that too many people just want a little thrill and are not serious about actually meeting people. You have to weed those people out and suggest a meeting pronto.
      Here’s my take on online dating.

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    • The sure-fire way to blow a first date is doing your suggested texting and calling before meeting – best way is to send some good messages back and forth on the site and then just go ahead and meet for a drink or a coffee. In the grand scheme nothing means anything until you meet, so why converse so much before hand? I’ve done it and the dates were ALWAYS massive let downs…you can read about them on my blog.

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      • I’m actually not referring to texting a lot before hand. A couple of days perhaps to get a feel for someone.

        The reason to text off the dating site? It’s a way to determine they are who they say they are.

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        • The only way to determine “they are who they say they are” is in person, texting doesn’t mean anything, it just builds expectations that will never be met, on both sides. If you need to keep screening people off the dating site, then you’re off to a really bad start. Meet for a quick coffee as soon as possible.

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          • Perhaps you haven’t been catfished then – you’re fortunate. There are many fake profiles out there and those who won’t move to text aren’t worth meeting because it means there is something wrong… I am speaking about validating they are who they say they are on a very basic level. As in, 40 year old man who lives in my city. That is all.

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  2. Hi Ann and Brenda, thanks for your comments! If you have been chatting with the guy for a week then yes I would suggest go and meet him in person but don’t meet the guys before getting on a call with them. Getting them on the phone is best way to get a feel for who they are prior to meeting. I agree that phone conversations sometimes don’t translate into face to face chemistry but going on coffee dates means that you are not vested in it and you are using it as a means to screen again so you can move on. It’s the mindset that goes into coffee dates instead of going on a date date. We can be too quick to judge. I appreciate your inputs and thanks for reading!

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  3. I agree with the one about instant attraction but disagree with the others. I get fibbing a bit but bluntly lying is another thing. Saying you’re 5’11 when you’re 5’9 is not the same as saying you are 5’11 when you are 5’1. Saying you’re 200 when you’re 210 is different than being 300 but claiming to be 200. Someone who lies will continue to lie. Second, I always preferred coffee dates because most of the guys weren’t what they claimed. I don’t want to waste time on a guy who just wants sex or lied about having kids. I do agree though about expecting instant sparks. Part of the reason I failed is because I wanted friends first. I realize things take time.

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  4. Hi ladies, I love this blog so much I may put a link to it on my dating profiles. If that’s okay.
    But I must be the odd man out, because I have profiles on multiple sites and they are all completely 100% true. I would never lie on my profile because eventually the truth will come out and I don’t want to be THAT guy.
    I disagree about the coffee dates,but I have found that I operate a lot differently than a lot of guys. I like a quick happy hours meeting because yes the connection may not be there at a face to face meeting and she may have “fudged” her profile a bit too much. On the other hand if the coffee date goes well, you could parlay that into an impromptu “date date” or it could create that sexual tension for the next time that you meet.
    I don’t like dates because if you meet and there is no connection, then the whole night is awkward and one or both of you are looking for reasons to end the date early. Fare too much pressure if you ask me.

    I also agree that some women are trying too hard to find “Mr Right” that they are forgetting that dating is suppose to be fun. I also agree with having a phone conversation with the person before meeting. I find it amazing the number of women who push for a phone conversation and then have nothing to say, Personally I like communicating via text for a while. It accomplishes the same thing without those long awkward pauses in the conversations where neither person has anything to say.

    I will admit that some of my photos are not that recent, but they are within two years old, but I also have the unique ability that if I see that a woman has a old picture, I can still tell if she is attractive, I mean a pretty face then is still a pretty face now. I’m not so shallow as to not continue with someone if she is not exactly as she appeared in her photos.

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  5. I did the internet dating thing for 4 months now. Met some amazing guys and went on a lot of dates. My problem is that I am attracted to older men. I am now 33, thus the older men would be 40 and older. I am saying this is a problem because almost all of these guys had too much baggage. And by saying this, I am not excluding the fact that I also have some baggage. My experience was that they loved all the attention from the woman (mostly younger) and quickly moved on to the next one.

    Yes, i know it is not personal but I just could not get a grip on the rejection.

    I agree with Leon, coffee dates are better. I invested too much time on these guys. The excitement to meet was so overwhelming but the disapointment even bigger.

    My tip would be to not wait too long before you meet. You might have “chemistry” on messages,but it is not guarenteed that you will have chemistry when you meet.

    FYI, I cancelled my subscription today and if/when I ever join the world of internet dating again I want to be like the river, just go with it. 🙂

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    • I’m 44 and that seemed to be the problem with men I was seeking. I have little baggage but they have so much. I’d meet someone then nothing. Frustrating.

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