We all look for that person who will love us completely, with all our flaws, throughout all our bad moods and especially when we’re not so lovable. Someone who will selflessly love us … we’re looking for unconditional love, but, is that realistic? An article I read recently called The Fallacy of Unconditional Love made some great points about why expecting “unconditional love”, is, well, unrealistic. Can we really expect someone to love us at our worst? Especially when we’re being unreasonable, a little crazy and lashing out? Do we really expect them to love us when we’re being unfair or, even worse, do we expect them to love us on our own terms? Everyone has a different love language, ways that they show love, like doing things for others, being compassionate or even quality time. Everyone demonstrates love differently and that doesn’t make it less valid, it just makes it different. So you need to ask yourself, in your search for love, are you ruining your chances with unrealistic expectations of unconditional love when dating? It’s possible …
Unrealistic Expectations of Unconditional Love When Dating
The article that I mentioned earlier said it best, “mature love requires mutuality. Just as our garden needs ample sunshine and water, we need to be sustained by respect, understanding, and nurturing“. So love goes both ways, we can’t expect to get if we don’t give. The author goes on to say that instead of always expecting unconditional love, we can contribute to the growth of the relationship by communicating and working together, but also “we can practice giving ourselves the love and acceptance that we want from others … showing who we really are is more likely to elicit the love and acceptance we’re longing for. We can practice giving ourselves the love and acceptance that we want from others.” Those, I think, are very powerful words, and very important advice, for people who are single and dating. Unconditional love should begin with self-love, not selfish love, but self-love which includes acceptance of who you are and what you have to offer AND being confidently single. How can we expect someone to love us if we don’t love ourselves? Why should they? You know yourself better than anyone else and if you don’t like yourself then there must be something wrong with you.
REALISTIC Expectations of Love When Dating
So if “unconditional love” is unrealistic, then what is realistic? Well, realistic love is one that is mutually beneficial. You need to build a relationship on solid ground. That is what realistic love is all about. Building a relationship on solid ground means pacing yourself, establishing a good foundation of what was earlier mentioned: RESPECT, UNDERSTANDING and NURTURING. Those are what makes a relationship healthy. Love SHOULD be conditional. No one should have put up with any negative behavior, abuse or neglect from a partner. You know that, so why are you looking for unconditional love? Instead, work on being the best partner, healthy mentally and physically with your baggage “checked”. Then, find someone else who is the same. Together, build a happy, healthy relationship. I know, I know, sounds easier than it is, but really, is it that hard? Problem is that it takes patience and going through countless bad experiences in dating to get to this space, but, it’s worth it. Dating isn’t easy, I get that, trust me I get that, but if you mark your target and keep practicing until you hit it you will be so much happier in the end. Give it some thought …
READERS: What do you think, is unconditional love an unrealistic expectation? Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
No such thing. I do think that when love develops so should unconditional but within reason. Meaning I’m not going to accept cheating or abuse because I’m supposed to.
It all starts from you!! You should become the person you want to attract.
But what about illness, unemployment, or other event beyond an individual’s control?
“Sorry, my love for you is conditional upon your health or employment status. Good luck with the rest of your life, I’m going to find someone better.”
Knowing that love is conditional is hardly a ringing endorsement for a committed relationship.
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