Men and women do it differently. But when you like what you see … there’s no stopping you, right? Women you tend to be more subtle, batting your eyelashes, playing with your hair. Men you are more likely to make bold gestures (or so we hope).
Yes, I’m talking about flirting. What do you do when you see someone you’re interested in? Some of us sit back shyly and wait for them to make the move if they are interested (passive approach). Some of us sit back, wait until he’s looking, flash them an encouraging smile, and wait for them to come over if they are interested (cautious approach). Then there are others who won’t wait for them, they just go up and strike up a conversation and say hello (active approach).
Me, I toggle between cautious and active, depends on the situation and person and how interested I am (and how many drinks I’ve had!). Unfortunately, as most of you will already know, Ottawa guys are impossible. They don’t approach girls even if they are interested … most are the passive types who prefer the girl to make the first move. When did we come to this. It’s nice when a guy who is interested in you comes up and flirts. I prefer men who are real men … who aren’t afraid to approach a girl, even if you shoot them down you have to give them props for having the balls to do it! I always say the bigger the balls the better! Remember, the Alpha male is what floats my boat.
The Art of Flirting
So this got me thinking about flirting. What is flirting? I think it manifests itself as different things to different people. Essentially, flirting is showing interest in another but not actually coming out and saying it. Sometimes it’s just for fun, sometimes it’s because there is a goal in mind – pure or impure ;). The most important aspect about flirting, really, is the intention behind it. When you see someone you like, what is it you want to accomplish by speaking with them? A date? A phone number? Some fun?
So how do you flirt? How do you know someone is flirting with you? Some indications could be that they use your name a lot, compliment you, ask about you and what you like to do, perhaps touching you lightly, standing closer than normal and of course smiling. Some flirt by challenging and teasing the other person (you know like in elementary school). I use all of these.
The type of flirting does vary across cultures, especially when it comes to eye contact and personal space. It is important to understand these boundaries before travelling for sure. Like when I travelled in Italy, there were no boundaries. My ass was free territory for pinching, winks and smiles everywhere, compliments overflowing from the beautiful piazza fountains.
My favorite story was during one of my many trips to Roma. I was walking down the street and this guy stops me … “bella, parla italiano?” I was like “a little bit” he said “I just want to tell you something” I’m like “what would you like to tell me” and he said “your eyes bella, they are so beautiful … are they yours?” … I was like “huh? um yes?” … he said “you are so beautiful, can we go sit and have a glass of wine together” I said “no thank you I have to go somewhere” and we went our separate ways his head hanging low. He was not bad-looking, but had nasty teeth. Too bad.
So that was Italy, most Mediterranean and Latin American countries are pretty much the same. If you go to Asia, it’s much different, personal space has to be respected. North Americans as well as some Europeans need more personal space. So know your stuff before because nothing is worse than insulting someone when you’re trying to flirt!
When it comes down to it, flirting is about testing the waters. Here are some tips to keep in mind:
- know what you want to accomplish by flirting and know your limits … you don’t want to get into the hot tub when you forgot your bikini (unless that was your intention!)
- look good, I know this seems like a no brainer, but make an attempt at looking your best when you go out because you never know when you need to flash that million dollar smile
- smile at someone you’re interested in, encourage them to come over by looking approachable … this means sending positive non-verbal signals … batting your eyelashes, make a lot of eye contact, play with your hair, don’t cross your arms, show a little leg … if you want to take it one step further after you’ve given him these signals, walk to the bar, or outside, alone while looking at him and if he’s interested he should follow
- don’t travel in packs … guys are intimidated by large groups of girls … usually going out in threes is best, this way if one needs to stray the others have company
- if you speak to a guy/girl you like, make him/her feel like he’s the only man/woman in the room, like he’s special!
- if someone you don’t like approaches you, then let them off easy, don’t be mean … it probably took a lot of courage for them to do that … and besides other guys/girls are watching you too … if they see a bad reaction or attitude with the other person they certainly won’t want to try in case they get shot down!
Those are some of the things I do that work for me …
Happy Flirting and don’t forget to wink 😉 and smile 🙂 if you’re interested!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
LOVE IT – don’t forget to smile and wink – simple actions – great results
Hahaha! ‘Are they yours?’ That really cracked me up! Great post, Suzie!
Thanks John! It was funny at the time that’s for sure LOL
I can imagine.. He probably didn’t mean it like that, but it would be a great pickup line. Very funny. I’m gonna try and will see how it works out. If only to make a girl laugh. 😉 I’ll let you know.
Hahah yes please!
LOOOL. I love how you write, Suzie. Reminds me of my best friend. She’s just amazing! My trouble though is with this particular guy at work (a contractor to be precise, thank heavens for that ’cause I don’t date people at work). I am not sure what’s going on but I think he’s interested in me. We’ve hardly talked really. He’ll make sure to greet me everyday, most times he’ll come to my desk for a few minutes to find out how I’m doing and if I had lots to do that day. This has been going on for a little over 2 weeks. I don’t know his name. Lol. Not sure he knows mine although colleagues would say it with him nearby. He never refers to me by name. Today after a few times of walking by not catching my eye he came into the office to make copies and as usual I felt his gaze upon me and looked in that direction. He said hi and winked. I kinda winked too in a subtle way and then looked down immediately. What he said after winking and looking me in the eye got lost to me ’cause I began blushing like a school girl and quickly carried on with my work. We do this greeting and smiling everyday and how’s work and that’s about it. A week ago I kinda let him hold my hand for a few seconds while he asked why I never work week ends. I’m kinda stuck and unsure what is happening between us. And we’re not kids. Lol. I’ve never been in a very tight relationship with a white guy so this is all so confusing to me. Help!
Thanks Zee 🙂 I always say keep love life and work life separate. Some harmless flirting can turn inappropriate very quickly. It seems like this guy likes flirting with you, but not sure his other intentions. It seems you like him or you just like the attention, either way, if you want him flirt back, if you don’t then just keep your distance. Good luck!!
I do like him. And he’s now really getting brave. And my nerves are shot! Lol. Yesterday as I was on my way to clock out as my shift was done for the day he was working with some of his guys at the corridor. And the minute he saw me he said goodbye and touched my fore-arm. I’m a shy person when it comes to PDA so I responded but am pretty sure I blushed crimson. Of ‘course I had to go past him again after all that clocking out. But a distance before that I raised my eyes and he was looking straight at me with a smile on his face. I immediately looked down and played with my phone. Today was the usual ”hi” each time he went past my desk and he did stop by at some point for a few seconds to ask me a question and we kinda laughed a little when I replied. just as I was about to knock off there he was again at the corridor looking at his wrist watch and asking if it was home time. On my way out he was there still and he took my headphones off asking what it was that I am always listening to. Told him it’s music. I flew out of the building as there were lots of people around yet again. Lol. My colleagues have caught on with this and that bugs me in a way because they think he’s a funny sort of person because he never greets them. Maybe I ought to chill, that would be easy if he at least greeted everybody but he doesn’t and now all eyes are on us. I just don’t know how to handle any of this.
I have a question for you regarding a lady I see from time to time at my church. Each time I come up to where she is she always backs up a couple of steps and then when she passes me in a hallway she does her best not to look at me or make eye contact. The last time I saw her she was looking my way and as soon as she saw me she flipped her head around in a different direction. We have spoke once and she made kind of a Jokingly snarky comment. So would you say she is shy or that she just detests my presence? I was thinking of writting her a piece of poetry to break the ice between us and I would like your thoughts on this. Thanks
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