Bad date after bad date … raised hopes that are later crushed … disappointment after disappointment … sound familiar? Dating isn’t always easy. We meet someone we really like and after throwing caution to the wind we fall for them only to be ghosted or rejected outright. After this happens a few times you start getting skittish … once bitten, twice shy anyone? You start being skeptical about everyone you meet, expecting the worst, ESPECIALLY if things are going really well.
Dating in the age of instant gratification has created this reality and the world is full of emotionally unavailable people looking for the greener grass on the other side leaving a trail of emotionally battered and abused people behind them. Unfortunate huh? Well, that’s the sad reality most of us in the dating world are facing. We’re haunted by our past dating experiences and are afraid of hoping that this time it will work out. As a result, our paranoia and lack of confidence leads to self-sabotage. Ever ruined something before it even got of the ground by your sheer anxiety? We’ve all been there. So I ask, have your dating experiences given you post traumatic dating disorder? Read on …
Have Your Dating Experiences Given You Post Traumatic Dating Disorder?
How do you know if you have post traumatic dating disorder? Easy.
- You keep thinking back to your past dating traumas and experiences with dread.
- Something your dating partner does or says gives you flashbacks of a previous bad dating experience.
- Feeling an intense dread in the pit of your stomach when thinking of being intimate with someone.
- Avoiding dating or intimacy altogether because you don’t want to feel rejected again.
- Having an abnormal level of anxiety for normal dating activities such waiting for a call / text back or even meeting someone new that you really like.
- Feel shame or guilt that perhaps you did something wrong and therefore aren’t lovable by others.
Sound a bit much, you are thinking? No, it’s actually not. This is more common than you think. The longer someone is single, the more at risk they are for being traumatized by their dating experiences. Even the strongest people I know have suffered as a result of their various dating fails and disappointments. Some keep on keeping on in their fractured state, while others give up on dating altogether. So, is there a solution? Can you help it? Sure you can. There IS hope!
Post traumatic dating disorder? The Solution.
The solution sounds counter-productive but it’s actually not, because it’s two-fold. Firstly, you need to make better dating choices. If you think back to all your traumatic dating experiences, was there a trend? Were they the same “type” of person? When you keep choosing emotionally unavailable people or those who clearly are looking for “fun” then you’re guaranteed some sort of disappointment or dating trauma as a result. We all have a type that makes us melt like butter on a hot day but more often than not that type also hurts us one way or another. Maybe it’s time to discover a new type? One that actually is caring and wants to be with you? Imagine that!
Empowered by this knowledge, you need to get out there and date some more. Yes, date more people, put yourself out there and take risks, enjoy life and stop being so scared. You know why? Because heartbreak is part of life and so are scummy people who use and abuse others. That, my friends, is no reason to choose loneliness over companionship. Believe it or not there are great people out there! Don’t let those who hurt you take your power and don’t judge someone new by what someone else did to you. Challenge yourself to find love despite all the risks of heartache because you are stronger than that!!
You know what else you can do? Be happily single!! Being happily single means being confident, happy and fulfilled on your own. It means building yourself up physically, mentally and emotionally so that anything any jerk throws at you slides off you like Teflon. You need to unpack that baggage and move on and be happy. It’s the only way. I’m a huge advocate of the happy fulfilled single life because single is NOT a bad word. Only by being happily single can you have fun dating again, you know why? It’s because you will enjoy the dating process regardless of the outcome.
So there you have it, post traumatic dating disorder is a real thing but good news, there is something you can do about it!!
READERS: Have you had post traumatic dating disorder? How did it affect your dating life? Have you dated someone who had post traumatic dating disorder? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
Empowerment Coach Suzie 
great post
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I agree. Sounds like my dating to a t. Since I started dating around 15 I have seen this pattern; The guys I like either never like me or they do for a short time but the guys who like me I never like. I’m not sure why this happens because none of these guys are usually that terrific. I end up dating guys I don’t like and the irony is these guys end up being the worst boyfriends. You’d think they would be great but are horrible (I usually don’t like them because they are mean and ugly and/or fat). I asked a male relative why this happens and he said he believes I intimidate a lot of guys. I was a model when I was younger ( but look the same but older) and have a master’s degree and my own business. Plus, I’m not one of those women who will cater to them. Too many guys I know want a wife who will cook and clean for them and that’s not me. I’m not saying I will expect him to do all and nothing in return, just that I believe in shared duties, especially since we’d probably share financial responsibilities.
I thought online would be better but it’s worse. I attract men (as I do offline)but rarely the type I want. For some reason I attract the two groups I actively don’t want: single dads and much older men. I gave up on dating sites, at least for now.
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