Some people ruin their own happy ending even when they think the partner that they found is already “the one”. Why? Two things—either they get all too excited and rush in without considering some very important details about actually living with someone or they are too skeptical not knowing what details they must actually watch out for.
Being with someone is not only about falling in love even though we wish it is. But don’t fret—here is a run-down of some things that you may want to consider before handing someone the keys to your apartment or saying “I do”.
5 Things You Need to Consider Before Saying “I Do”
1. Prenuptial Agreement
Times are changing and gone are the days when couples would say “what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine”. A prenuptial agreement or prenup is a contract declaring an inventory of each spouse’s properties and financial assets that may be deemed useful in the event of a divorce. Some people tend to think of it as a selfish division of assets with the wealthier one wanting to protect his own but when you thoroughly consider it, it’s actually for the best of both parties to come with a declaration such as this when love and trust are still prevalent in the relationship as compared to battling it out when the couple decides to call it quits. Not everyone is well informed about the ins and outs of contracts so better consult reputable family lawyers instead of your chit-chatty coworker or a drunk friend.
2. Old Baggage
Pieces from their past that they cannot totally leave there. Do they talk about having a child with an ex-lover or spouse? What is their current situation with the estranged husband or wife? If you are dating at a late age, you are most likely to come across single parents, if not fall for one. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course. Single parents are good examples of people who have the courage to stand by themselves and assume responsibility. You just have to be ready to embrace the fact that even if you may be a priority, you are to share their attention and time. Eventually, you are to share with your spouse a bit of their responsibility as well.
3. Vices or Addictions
Any vices that your future husband or wife may have that has gone out of control at one point or another. Perhaps a drinking or a gambling problem and how have they dealt with it, or if they are still actually dealing with it. Worse, if they completely deny that they have any vices but their Facebook statuses or Twitter posts are screaming evidences of the said problem.
4. Abusive or Violent Tendencies
This does not mean having to go through their criminal records. Well, you may if you wish to but you can also take note of the way they handle stressful situations. Little disruptions in their regular routine and how they react to it is key to getting to know their temperamental side. Do they start cursing when caught in a heavy traffic? Have they threatened to physically hurt you or themselves when they thought you were cheating? Don’t miss out on the red flags that tell of how aggressive a person may be when under great anxiety.
5. Mental Health
Mental health is an issue that is brushed quite well under the rug when two people are only starting to date. Who wants to talk about how cracked they are when they’re at the stage of trying to sound impressive. It will be good to find a way to talk about past experiences that may lead them to open up and help you understand if they actually have mental health problems.
Something else to keep in mind is their bad household habits that may actually be one or two of your pet peeves. We are talking about the stuff that you don’t see when you’re out watching a movie or dining out with them. Rather, the things that they unconsciously do when they’re at home and no one is looking. Things like leaving unwashed dishes at the sink overnight, not flushing the toilet after use, complete disarray of clothes in the closet while the used ones are scattered all over the bedroom floor. Remember the saying “don’t sweat the small stuff” but if you’re the one to deal with all those tiny annoying things day after day, it won’t take long before they all pile up. Staying at their apartment for a night or two may be key. Spend at least 24 hours to get to know the one you are planning to spend the rest of your days with.
It’s not wrong to have weak spots because nobody is perfect. Getting to thoroughly know your partner, however, would be a lot of help though to keep both of you in tune with each other and your relationship stronger.
As an older single I have dealt with all of these to some extent.
Prenuptial Agreement. I have never been married but many years ago I was dating a guy who seemed great. The problem is that he wasn’t, he was a con artist. He latched on to me because I was starting a business and figured I could support him. He brainwashed me into handing over part of the business to him, including the checking account. He then drained the account and ruined my business. I had to start over and it took me years to deal with the damage he did. This loser is actually on dating sites (I didn’t meet him on one, but in person)claiming to be a business owner but I bet he’s still doing it. I am starting my new business and any new guy will not get it after what I went through.
Old Baggage. Everyone has baggage, some have trunks and some have carry ons. In the case of single parents, they are a bad idea for childless in general. They might be the greatest people ever but childless don’t realize the damage they can incur. Not only could the new spouse end up supporting the kids but it could be a problem even after death. My uncle is childfree (he even hates kids)and he never dates women with kids unless they are grown. He met and married someone wonderful who had kids but they lived with her ex in another state. When she tragically died of cancer they came out of the woodwork demanding items he bought her (or they bought as a couple). I’ve seen the opposite too with new spouses getting the kids inheritance. If the kids aren’t grown there are many issues like drama and financial aspects. There are states where the new spouse’s income often determines more child support.I know people paying child support and alimony for their spouse’s ex. Then there is time and how the new spouse may have to cater their schedule around the kid’s. I get called names because I don’t date dads and I don’t care. Sorry, but not interested in being a stepmother.
Vices or Addictions. This one hits home because I found a guy I like only he’s an alcoholic. He is going through therapy but until he recovers (or unless)he can’t be a boyfriend. Dated an alcoholic, never again. Breaks my heart because he is a good guy who needs help.
Abusive or Violent Tendencies. I dated a few guys who were emotionally abusive and I dumped them before they could be physically abusive. However, when I was doing online I came across a man who admitted hitting his girlfriends. He saw nothing wrong with this. Needless to say I never met him. One thing I saw with this behavior is often these guys think they are more important than women. Men who are misogynists tend to be abusive. Of course any guy can be abusive so I look at their temper.
Mental Health. Everyone has some sort but yep I look at this. Not cleaning up after themselves drives me nuts.
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