This morning I woke to the news that yet another woman who went to a man’s house she met online dating was sexually assaulted. Reading the comments on all the media articles was quite disheartening. Why? Because people were divided in their blame game. Some blamed the woman for going to the guy’s house to begin with while others blamed the guy for his abhorrent and unacceptable behavior. I think we ALL agree that sexual assault is NEVER OK, so instead of playing the “blame game”, I wanted to send a friendly reminder to all my readers that going to someone’s house is NOT a first date and that you need to date safe, especially when you’re meeting people online.
Stranger Danger is REAL
We live in a world that is predominantly online, whether it’s our telephones, our tablets or our computers, we’re living online. What this does is make the virtual seem real. What this does, especially when interacting with others, gives us a false sense of security, especially when dating online. We feel like we really know the person when in reality we only know what they show us which might not even be real.
I’ve written about this before and will keep repeating it:
People need to realize that what someone shows you online is not necessarily who they really are in real life. You can be whoever and whatever you want to be online. That is why there is so much online fraud, especially when it comes to online dating. Scammers and people with ill will know exactly what to say and do to make you feel at ease with them, throw in a bit of loneliness and neediness and you’ve got a recipe for dating disaster.
I’m not trying to scare you in any way, this isn’t fear mongering, but, I am trying to help you date smarter and be more aware of your actions. Just because you talk to someone all day every day doesn’t mean you really truly know them. You need to take everything people (both women and men) tell you online with a grain of salt. Words are just that, words, it’s actions that really mean the most. You need to also pick up on some verbal cues when you’re chatting … for example, are they “just perfect”? Do they always know exactly what to say? Do they somehow influence you to be naughty in ways you wouldn’t before? Do they express intense emotion for you without meeting you in person? Does your gut tell you something is off? Be vigilant and aware.
Someone’s House IS NOT a First Date … Date Safe!
Taking dating “offline” as soon as possible is also a safe dating practice. Why? Because face to face will give you a better idea of their personality and you will be able to assess chemistry better. How many times have you had a great “textationship” with someone only to get your balloon deflated when you meet them online? I know it’s happened to me and countless others and I’m sure you as well. Meet in a coffee shop and go for a walk or have a drink, do an activity, whatever, just do it in public. When you’ve spent more time with them and feel at ease with them in person then make the decision to spend time at their place or yours.
Sexual assault is NEVER OK and men should never assume that just because a girl goes to their house that she is going to have sex with them. However, the unfortunate reality is that men do think that on the most part (even if they don’t admit it). They really do make that assumption (just ask your male friends), even if you tell them “it’s not going to happen”. It’s not right, but it’s reality. I’m also going to let you in on a little secret, someone who really wants to get to know you and has innocent intentions won’t invite you over for the first date. Just keep that in mind the next time you make the choice to go to someone’s house that you just met online.
All I’m concerned with is your safety. That’s it, that’s all. There really are assholes and deviants out there who have a complete disregard for respect and decency. Just keep your radar up and don’t let loneliness cloud your judgement when dating.
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
The first date with my now, long-term, girlfriend Waco was in public. We had actually talked for 10 weeks at that point, but it was long-distance so I hadn’t made the trek. Our second date was in her town the next weekend and we did go back to her place, but before I was allowed to even know her address, she made me send her a pic of my driver’s license. I actually thought it was a good idea. It proved my identity (and age/address/etc) while also putting me on notice people knew I was out with her.
That’s not enough by itself, one still needs to get to know the person, maybe have several public dates where you meet there, but the license seemed a good idea to me.
I can’t remember if I mentioned this here but I had an online friend who I agreed to meet at her house. My story turned out great, she was a woman and we are still friends but I didn’t realize she could have been a man When I did online I would only agree to meet men who lived about 20 minutes from me and not in the small town where I live. Why? because this town is so small that it’s easy to find out all my info including my house and phone. So I’d meet guys at the mall 20 minutes away. Luckily last round I actually did meet good men I could have met in town but you never know. When I did online I met several guys who did suggest I come over for dinner and I declined. Maybe a later date when we are getting serious but not early on.
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