Have you ever been encouraged to “give someone a chance” or perhaps “try them on for size”? Maybe everyone told you you’re too picky and you want to prove them wrong. I think most people can say yes they have. Perhaps you didn’t “feel it” with someone who’s perfectly fine but it just wasn’t what you were looking for, or perhaps you’re just unsure about them because there’s something interesting but they aren’t quite what you were looking for. Whatever the case may be, sometimes you’re compelled to perhaps rethink your choices, and, try again. But when is it giving someone a chance and when is it leading them on when dating? Well it all starts with intentions, expectations and above all motivation. I’ll explain.
Dating and Giving Someone a Chance
When you’re giving someone a chance, perhaps you weren’t “wow’d” right away or not attracted physically to them but there was something about them that intrigued you, something you wanted to learn more about. Sometimes too, you might have a list of things that are important to you in a partner but this person doesn’t meet them, but for some reason you liked them anyway. There could be a lot of reasons you don’t consider them as having dating potential right away, but, you don’t rule them out completely either. This is when giving it a few more dates might help you make the decision to stay or to go. But at some point you either have to “shit or get off the pot“, or else it could be leading them on…
Leading Them On When Dating
You’re leading them on when you really have no attraction to them and no interest in really pursuing anything. You’re just in it for the attention or the company or to pass the time, or, even worse, until something better comes along. I don’t have to tell you how wrong this is. Leading someone on when you have absolutely no intention of anything with them is hurtful, disrespectful and bad karma. When you’re leading them on you’re wasting your time and wasting their time and that isn’t fair to either of you. If you know you’re not as interested as they are and they want much more than you’re willing to give, then it’s time to cut the cord.
So there you have it, is it giving someone a chance or is it leading them on. You decide. Just make sure whatever decisions you make you always take the other person’s feelings into account. You don’t want to be THAT person now do you? I didn’t think so.
READERS: Have you ever been put in the situation where you’re not sure whether you’re giving someone a chance or leading them on when dating? What did you do? Have ever been led on by someone who’s trying YOU on for size? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
One scenario that immediately comes to mind is the guy who says he wants a full-blown relationship, but he’s actually just talking a girl into bed.
As you say, that’s bad karma, and often there’s no need for it.
If you’re honest about not looking for anything serious, most girls will respect that and many will go along for the ride. Also, none of them can hate you once it eventually comes to end.
Always leave your date better than when you found them.
That’s a great example! Many men do lead women on just to get them into bed. I do agree, if you’re honest you can typically get what you’re after without the games.
I think this is a lot more common for women than men. Women continue going places and doing things with guys even though they really don’t like them just because they have nothing better to do. They need to realize that this is just leading them on. #Justsayin
Thanks Aaron, I think it goes both ways … some men do it and some women do it unfortunately. It’s not fair. That’s why it’s always important to be clear about intentions and expectations.
To me there was a difference. There were a few guys I was mixed on and feelings grew. Others I was dating only until (I hoped)someone better came along. The first makes sense but the second both should be on the same page.
Thanks Dawn. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of that’s for sure, what important is to ensure that we treat others with respect and that means not leading them on for any reason!
Thanks for sharing. More awareness is necessary these days. All too common, people deciding “this isn’t the relationship for me” when the partner is already “all in.” I think there are many people (male and female) “leading someone on” that don’t even realize it. My ex was so oblivious to this he didn’t know that’s what he was doing. He claimed he wanted a relationship when I wanted it casual. Once I gave in to commitment four months in, I fell in love after he told me he loved me. So did he, I thought. Meeting my family after nine months together, saying he wanted a future together, and then breaking up three weeks later is the definition of this. Since then I’ve seen him do this in shorter periods like 6 weeks or 3 months, but the story is the same. I feel for the ladies who are susceptible to his charms.
The theory my therapist and I came up with was that he was so busy trying to woo me into a commitment that his feelings were way behind mine. And when I was in love he was still in lust (infatuation, sexual addiction, etc.) and in love with the idea of being in love. Still theory; when he realized the relationship wasn’t right for him , he waited until after the holidays to break up. I was completely blind-sided and it took a lot out of me for 6 months. It threw off my career and other ambitions and was depressed for a while.
Guys (girls, too I’m sure) don’t always realize good intentions don’t make up for bad decisions. You have an idea 3 months in, if it has potential, usually. Don’t make someone fall for you to only let them go. Break up before they fall in love or you are potentially damaging that persons future relationships with new fears and insecurities. Breaking up is hard sometimes, but do it sooner than later. 🙂 Paul Simon, “50 ways to leave your lover.”
I’ve definitely been led on, but I’m not sure if I’ve done the leading before or not. I’m sure someone would say that I have. I try to be a nice guy, so even if it’s someone I have no interest in my actions may throw them for a loop. Being chivalrous, respectful, and making eye contact will make someone wonder what you really feel even if your mouth says “thanks, but I’m good.” 🙂
It’s definitely a personal decision as to the leading them on/giving them a chance. I think it’s a thin line for sure because these are feelings and for some there just throwin around without any discretion. I have seen what was thought to be a casual relationship blow up because the other one gets to involved. Communication and being on the same page is always the best policy.
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