Most people who are dating are looking for the ideal partner, but why are so many of them having such a hard time? That’s easy to answer. It’s because finding the ideal partner requires selective dating. What is selective dating? Selective dating is being choosy about who you date. It doesn’t mean being picky, it means not compromising on the things that are important to you, it means not compromising on your values and it especially means not compromising on your self-worth. Sounds easy enough, right? Not so much. Especially when loneliness clouds your judgement when dating. You let a lot of important things slide and you settle because you don’t want to be alone anymore. We’ve ALL been there, we’ve ALL done that. But, I’m here to tell you that finding the ideal partner requires selective dating … here’s why.
Finding the Ideal Partner Requires Selective Dating
So what ARE the best traits to look for in a partner? Well, luckily someone has done the thinking for us. I was reading an article from Samantha Joel that stressed the importance of responsiveness in a relationship. What does that mean? Well, the author defined it as “someone who makes you feel understood, validated, and cared for ” because “it’s easier to work out relationship issues, big and small, with a partner who’s more responsive rather than less“.
She goes on to characterize a responsive partner with three important traits: Understanding, Validating, and Caring. Understanding partners are partners that actively listen to you and try to see things from your perspective. They also Validate your point of view making you feel respected and important to them (even when they don’t agree with you). Lastly, a responsive partner is Caring – they are concerned for your well-being, communicate with you and express affection. These traits make you feel like you truly are partners and that you can count on that person to be there when you need them. They also ensure that you will always resolve disagreements with ease.
What does that have to do with dating? Well, happily ever after and forever has everything to do with your choice in partner. When you choose right, you typically end up in a better place. That’s true for everything in your life. It’s all about quality. Problem is that we’re too anxious to please other people and lose sight of the true end goal. We compromise our ideals and what we are looking for. We tend to forget what really makes us happy. What’s the solution? You need to practice selective dating which means:
- being happily single
- enjoying the process and forgetting the outcome
- being aware of red flags
- listening to your gut instincts about someone
- being true to you
So there you have it. Finding the ideal partner requires selective dating, no really, it does. It also requires discernment.
Selective Dating Through Discernment
Discernment is the ability to judge things in your life. It’s done through experience and most certainly using your gut instincts. You know that feeling you have that something just isn’t right? That’s your discernment kicking in. It usually takes some reflection and paying attention. It’s not merely perception, it’s more, something deeper. It’s an awareness of what is authentic and what isn’t. You know what I’m talking about. You’ve been there, done that. Selective dating through discernment is using this judgment to weed out the losers from the winners. Trust it and if someone doesn’t add up then show them the door. You deserve someone who is understanding, validating and caring. Someone who feels right, respects you and someone you can trust. Imagine that! Sound too good to be true? Well, it’s not, it should be the bare minimum that you accept. Everyone deserves an ideal partner. Plain. Simple.
READERS: Do you date selectively? What discernment do you undertake when meeting someone new? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva