Everyone wants their “forever”, their “soul mate”, their “other half”, but is that even possible? Is it a realistic goal? In my experience and from what I’ve seen, we do things to either help or hinder our love lives, we sabotage our forevers often times with the choices we make. I know that I have in the past, and, I know that a lot of the people I speak to and work with do as well. So why do we do that? Well, many reasons, perhaps we’re not ready for a relationship, or we are hung up on someone else, or we have some unresolved baggage we need to deal with. Whatever the case may be, we need to own it and pursue a better path. Why? Because your ultimate goal of forever has everything to do with your choice of partners.
Why Forever Has Everything To Do With Your Choice of Partner
If you’re looking for forever, be happy alone and be true to you. Confused? You shouldn’t be. By being completely satisfied in your single life you will be more open and better able to make an informed decision about the partner you choose. Choosing the right partner is all about the wise decisions you make. How? Well, if you always choose emotionally unavailable people to date and then end up broken hearted then you can’t be surprised that you don’t have your forever. How about those “special projects” you date, the ones you want to save, you know, because you want to be the hero? You shouldn’t be disappointed when you are left alone at the end. Now what if you chose someone who is on the same page as you, someone emotionally available, someone who is balanced. What happens then? Well, chances are that you will have a stable relationship. Personally, my choice in a husband wasn’t a good one and that’s why my forever was cut short. That’s when I learned that I made the wrong choice and got married for all the wrong reasons. That’s when I learned that forever has everything to do with your choice of partner.
How to Choose the Right Partner
It really isn’t that difficult, you just have to know what’s what especially about yourself! It’s something you learn by experience. It’s something you learn by, you guessed it, DATING. You can’t expect to know what you like or don’t like unless you try!
Know What You Want
You have to know what you’re looking for in a partner, and be realistic. Saying you want a beauty queen or a GQ model is nice, but not realistic. Saying you want an attractive, intelligent partner that makes you laugh IS realistic. Just think about what you enjoy in others, not necessarily only in a partner. Think of the qualities you appreciate in others. You need to know what you want in order to get it.
Know What You Don’t Want
Equally, you have to know what you don’t want. You need to know what your deal breakers are. That doesn’t mean being picky it means not settling for anything less than you deserve. We’ve all dated those who we KNOW are bad for us but they are oh so irresistible. That’s OK, we need to sow our wild oats once in a while, but when it comes to finding a real partner these people just don’t cut it. Knowing what you DON’T want will help you get what you DO want.
Keep these points in mind when thinking of what you want and don’t want:
- Good family values – respects their family and yours, family is a priority in their life
- Long term goals for their life – they are ambitious and work hard for what they want
- Employed – can pay the bills, isn’t in major debt and financially stable
- No excess baggage from previous relationships – they need to come to you in the right frame of mind and you don’t need ex’s lurking around!
- Attractive – this also includes personal hygiene and dressing neat and tidy
- Social – likes to be around people and attend events, is polite to others
- Faithful – this doesn’t only refer to cheating, this is also about being a trustworthy person, remember that “One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.” (Luke 16:10)
- Most importantly, can you imagine your world without them in it? Can you live without them without skipping a beat? That’s an important question to ask yourself.
So before you complain about your “bad luck” in dating, think about what you’re doing to attract the right partner. Remember if EVERYONE you date is an ass who’s the common denominator? You! I’m not trying to be mean or insensitive, I certainly know first hand what it’s like to have a string of bad luck in dating, until I realized that I was the problem. My choice in partner was the reason for my bad luck. These days I make better choices that make me much happier than before. You know, because I DESERVE my own happiness and it’s all in my hands. You too.
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
Hey sister, are you calling me an Ass 🙂 Ha Ha. Great article again. But as in many times in our lives, we do know our wants and needs to get and keep that special someone in our lives. But just like buying that flashy, sexy and powerful car…. You fall in love and not see the many underlying negatives stuff that will come ups later to make you think, why did I buy this expensive car, with so many mechanical problems and high insurance costs. So, as with many items on your want and don’t want list, things can get obscured by someone having that fancy car, big house or as one lady was looking for on her dating profile and wrote… “It sure would be nice if you have blue eyes”
Thanks Dan! No you’re not an ass, far from it LOL … a person needs to look for what’s best for them. If the material things are important to them then you can’t change that and they need to find someone appropriate for them. Not everyone is down to earth and not everyone is shallow. Just need to find the right fit for you.
Ha ha.. How sweet you are Suzie… Yes, and after you find that right fitting person, then the real work begins – working on keeping that spark going over the long run. It’s sort of like when you buy a new car……In the beginning you are attentive to taking care of it, polishing it, watching that it does not get damaged or abused. But after 10 years, or most times less, that attention and caring has gone… and you are looking for another ride….relationship.
Amen, Diva! We all get sucked into bad relationships when we get lonely. But do we learn from our experiences? Are we open to trying new ways to meet other singles? Is our heart really open to a new relationship or are we still ruminating over what should have or could have been?
Thanks Lisa! That’s right, what are we doing to make our dating experience a good one? I know I am very guilty of self-sabotage.
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