All this talk of tornadoes and hurricanes got me thinking about whirlwind romances … you know the ones, they end as quickly as they start. They are the most amazing things, but they are also very destructive, as whirlwinds, tornadoes and hurricanes typically are. I had one of these “whirlwind romances” recently. It just ended. Hence my broken heart. I am quite sad about it. I didn’t think it would be like this … I really didn’t … but I think I could categorize both me and him as “once bitten twice shy”. It seems the trend with previously divorced and hurt people. Me included. We’re quick to not trust in the other person’s sincerity in an effort to protect ourselves from another devastating end to a relationship. We think we are protecting ourselves. In reality we’re not. We’re not creating, we’re destroying the chances of anything good. What did I like about him? He was funny, ambitious, alpha, supportive, nurturing and intelligent. He was someone you could just lie there with and relax knowing everything was ok, that you didn’t have to worry about anything. I actually told him about the blog and that I have my online account still open because I like to do research for my blogs about online dating, I don’t actually meet people anymore, I like to look at the profiles for commentary. I also chat casually with some people. After this, I cancelled my account. I’ve had enough.
Mr. S. Well it’s an interesting story. Last winter, my friend and I were sitting over a glass of wine and I asked her if she knew anyone I would like. She told me about this guy. He seemed totally my type. So I told her to set it up. She tried, he didn’t want to be set up. So time went on. I answered an online ad of a guy who seemed totally my type. We ended up talking for a while, but meeting never worked out. He always wanted to do spontaneous things and I always have my weeks planned out. I wasn’t going to cancel friends and family time for a first date. So time went on and we stopped speaking. When talking to my friend again I put two and two together and figured it was the same guy. Coincidence? Who knows! Maybe it was destiny. A match made in … heaven? Then one day, we reconnected and it was pretty casual. Finally, he called me on my birthday and invited me to go for a ride on his boat. So I went. Why not. I really enjoyed myself. We both did. This is where the whirlwind started. He called me the next day telling me how much he missed me and wanted to see me again … so I said why not. We went out on the boat again and went swimming in the river. Those who know me know I am a little jittery in deep water, but he was so supportive and helpful. Rest of the night was great, again we truly enjoyed each other’s company. I was thinking quite positively about this.
Next night we decided to go for dinner. But it didn’t work out because something came up with his family, and kids, oh yes, I didn’t mention he has kids. You might be thinking, but Single Dating Diva, kids? You have a no kids rule. Well I made an exception because he’s a great guy and has a good balance and lots of help with the kids. So we ended up meeting on the boat later that night. We had a bit of a discussion about being exclusive but didn’t come to a conclusion. He talked about keeping his eyes open for warning signs … like he was going to test me. It raised some warning bells for me, but I figured I would see where it would lead me. So we had another nice evening. The next couple days we spoke but didn’t see each other. We had planned to fly to Miami for the next weekend. He flies his own plane. So I thought it would be fun. He came over to my place and we planned what we were going to do in Miami, where we were going to stay, what to pack. Then he got a phone call from someone and it seemed urgent and he seemed a little frazzled about it. I didn’t think much of it. We said our goodbyes, little did I know it would be the last time I would see him.
That night I received a text message after midnight saying he needed to go out of the country for an emergency. Next day we spoke and he left. I was very sad about this … not because Miami wasn’t going to happen … but I knew I would miss him. I seriously didn’t know what sort of impact he had on my life until he left. He called me a couple of days later, but I missed the call because I was in a meeting. He left me a sweet message. I had no way of reaching him. I sent him an email telling him how much I missed him. I heard nothing back. I waited and waited, weeks went by and nothing. I sent him text messages. I sent him a Facebook message. All in hopes he was checking something. No response. After two weeks of this, I figured, because of my history and experience with others who disappeared, that he wasn’t interested anymore. Wouldn’t you feel the same way? Was I wrong?
So I decided to re-activate my online account again, just to test the waters and see what’s out there. Since he didn’t want to be with me, I figured, why not. I waited for him for two weeks. If he wanted me and missed me he would call. I mean before he left I heard from him ALL day and night. So to go from that to NOTHING was hard. Wouldn’t you think that he’s not interested? Really, honestly? So I get a message from someone today from a guy that seemed just what I like. We had some innocent conversation. Then the conversation got weird. Finally he asked me if I was seeing a guy named “Mr. S”. I knew right away. It was him. It was a set up. I immediately sent him a text message asking if he was back. He said he came back Wednesday and wanted to test my sincerity but he now knows I am a big player and to never talk to him again and to forget he exists. WTF???!!! I flipped. Who is playing games here? Who tricked someone? Not me … I was always sincere. He even mentioned he read my email … and he didn’t answer. Why not? Was he testing me? What are we? Children? So we had a very intense interchange and it was bad and mean and dirty. He said some horrible things, I said more horrible things … I was so upset that I was crying … those who know me know I don’t cry. So you could imagine how upset I was. I pleaded for him to at least talk to me and he refused. I even apologized for the horrible things I said. Nothing. It was over.
So who’s in the wrong here? Perhaps both. I think being burned so many times made me automatically assume he wasn’t interested anymore. I was insecure about the relationship. Should I have waited longer before going back into the dating world? I don’t know. No contact for two weeks? We hadn’t confirmed our relationship status. I think he was burned too and insecure about me. He wanted to make sure not to get burned again either. He had a series of tests for me, if I passed them then we could proceed. No one can live like that. No one is perfect and no one will fit exactly what you want. There has to be open communication. Perhaps he didn’t want a girl who guys looked at. He wanted someone he could control. Imagine that kind of life. Not knowing if you’re being watched and scared to say or do the wrong thing in case it will make him leave. Forget it. I don’t want that life. Who wants a guy who doesn’t call you and tell you he’s back in town after being MIA for two weeks? Not me. What am I? Stupid? Nope. Who’s the one playing games? Not me. He can take his money and shove it up his ass. I never saw a penny of it and didn’t care to see it either, he never took me out to dinner or even bought me a coffee. He always had a good reason and excuse. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. So let’s re-cap he was Cheap. Insecure. Not thoughtful. Controlling. Unforgiving. Judgemental. Match made in heaven? Ya right. Match made in hell. Well all I can say, what goes around comes around. He will see the error of his ways one day. Hopefully it will be before he meets someone else.
So that’s why I was so sad this evening. That’s why my heart was broken. I don’t like when things end like that. I am a positive person and react badly to negative energy. Today was definitely full of negative energy. I also had some bad news about one of my close relatives who is like my sister having a serious illness that is worse than we thought. So instead of being supportive, he did this to me. I don’t need, or deserve that. Guess who has been very supportive? Mr. Consistently Inconsistent. I will be ok. I know that. I always am. I am a tough cookie. What do I always say ladies and gents? NEXT!!!!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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