We are all familiar with this song. It’s the stalker’s manifesto par excellence! Whoever wrote that song, whether it was their intention or not, was speaking about stalking. What is stalking? Well it’s when someone gets so obsessed with someone that they follow them around, harass them and spy on them. We hear a lot about it happening to celebrities, but it happens to us normal folk too. Every year many people are stalked by former partners or admirers. It’s scary. Imagine not knowing if the spying will actually lead to violence. Sometimes it does, thank goodness, in my case it didn’t. Yes, I had an obsessed stalker. Not fun, as you would imagine, actually it was downright scary!
Mr. U and I had met at a party. We really got along and he was quite attractive. He was a songwriter/musician. I had left him my number with a friend because I had to leave early. He called me a couple days later. After a few telephone calls, we had our first date. We went for coffee and dessert. He was very sweet and was so passionate about his music and his dreams it made me passionate about it. I loved hearing about it. Nothing makes me happier than someone who has great dreams and works hard to achieve them. It was a very positive encounter in every sense of the word. We made plans to go music store shopping a couple days later. I found out he actually lived in another city where he could be more successful with his music, his parents were inOttawa and he was visiting. It was ok … we would make the most of our time together and see what happens.
We had several dates before he went back home. We continued to chat on the phone and via Internet while he was away. It was nice. He seemed normal. He visited every once in a while and we spent some nice times together. One day he surprised me and wrote me a song and recorded it. Talk about romantic! Wow! It was the sweetest thing any man ever did for me. I even answered a call for “what’s the most romantic thing your man ever did for you” column in Cosmopolitan magazine and they actually published it! I was on cloud nine. I absolutely didn’t see what was coming next. As time went on, he became more possessive and clingy. Perhaps it was the distance, perhaps it was his insecurities, but he was getting unbearable. I ended up breaking up with him. I couldn’t tolerate it anymore.
That’s when the scariness ensued. He started by calling me at all hours, I stopped answering. He would check what I was doing by asking others. Then he came to town and started following me around. No guys would approach me because they would see him around with a crazy look in his eyes. At first it was him trying to beg me to take him back, and then it just became him wanting to keep tabs on me. I was starting to get scared. Imagine never knowing what craziness would be sparked next. I had had enough. I contemplated calling the police, but then, I didn’t want all the legalities to deal with. So I decided to approach his family. They were really nice people. I spoke to his mother. The stalking stopped right after. He went back home and I never heard or saw him again. I heard later that he got married and has children.
In retrospect, I think he was just obsessed with me and couldn’t accept rejection. That’s a scary combination. There is no substitute for the feeling of safety and security. I learned that lesson. I also am more aware of the signs of possessiveness as well. It starts by joking around about it. Each time I have encountered it, it started with joking about it. Now when a guy jokes about it, I see it as a clear sign to move on. It’s not worth dealing with that kind of garbage and risk. As my journey continues, I am meeting every type of character you can imagine … so what’s next on my adventure? Stay tuned to find out!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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