The Loneliest Number … Or Is It?

Is one the loneliest number? So I was listening to the song “One” by Three Dog Night from the 1970’s (yes you know me and the 70’s). If you aren’t familiar with it, the lyrics go like this:

One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do
Two can be as bad as one
It’s the loneliest number since the number one
No is the saddest experience you’ll ever know
Yes, it’s the saddest experience you’ll ever know
`Cause one is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do
One is the loneliest number, worse than two

Something struck me. Yes, one is the loneliest number, it’s pretty obvious. However, next line: two can be as bad as one and the loneliest number since the number one. Ok, no I’m not smoking anything. But it did get me thinking. One is lonely, but how bad is it to be lonely even when you’re two? That’s how it was in my marriage and how it is in many people’s relationships. Imagine being with someone but feeling so alone and so trapped. Imagine feeling guilty for leaving them behind to go spend time with others in order to not be lonely. That was one of the main problems in our marriage. I am extremely extroverted, he is extremely introverted. Not a good match. Why did I marry him? If I knew then, what I know now, I wouldn’t have. Well, you live and you learn, right? So that was my dilemma, I had to adapt my life to his needs while slowly dying inside. So one is lonely, but two can be much much worse.

The song goes on: one is the loneliest number, worse than two. So is it worse to be alone without anyone or with someone and alone? At least you have a body there to keep you warm. Or do you? What’s the point of having a less than ideal partner for the sole purpose of not being alone? You have needs – physical, social, emotional, mental … are they being met? If your partner isn’t meeting them then it’s better to be alone. Even at my most lonely I never regretted ending my marriage. Sometimes I am very lonely and wish I had someone in my life. Especially at night, sleeping alone … but then I remember the not so good times and appreciate the alone time. It’s hard. I won’t pretend it’s not. But as hard as it gets, it was still worth it. Besides, I have a very large group of loving family and friends who are there at the drop of a hat if I really need them. That is worth more than anything to me.

Maybe I’m over thinking it. But I think that it’s worse to be alone and lonely while in a relationship than just being alone and lonely on your own. I am alone, sometimes lonely, but it’s by choice. I can always just pick up the telephone and meet up with a friend or family member. I am never truly alone. When I was in my marriage, I did feel alone. I felt trapped. I felt I wasn’t free to just reach out to anyone. So is one the loneliest number? No, it’s not. I plan on enjoying my alone time … you never know, I might not get this chance again!

Stirring the Dating Sauce,

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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