In the Land of Far, Far Away

No, I’m not talking about Shrek … although some of my encounters have reminded me of him (see post about manners here). I am talking about long distance relationships. Have you ever been in one? I have, but it wasn’t that far, only a couple of hours. I also have friends who have been in further ones. It’s not easy. How can you get to know someone, truly get to know them, when you are miles away? The whole point of a relationship is to share your life with this person. Also, you need to see how they interact with you, with people, with your people. Can a relationship function solely on Skype, or FaceBook, MSN or email? I don’t think so. Perhaps for a short while, but you will feel the strain eventually. First, though, you need ask yourself, what is a relationship anyway? What are your needs from a relationship? For me it’s intimacy, I need touch, I need companionship. I am not a needy person who needs to see or talk to someone every day, but I do need to be close enough that they are there when I need them, at a drop of a hat if you will. I hate driving distances, so for me, long distance just wouldn’t work. If you are a person who likes only infrequent encounters with their partner, then perhaps long distance would work for you. I recently had a chance encounter with a possible long-term relationship, the problem is, he is also long distance. Here is the story.

Mr. X. He is someone acquainted with my people. He was working in the USA for a while before heading back overseas where he lived. He added me on FaceBook because he liked my picture and I added him back because he seemed to know a lot of people I know. Why not? We started chatting on FaceBook for a while. I enjoyed our interactions. He seemed like he had a good head on his shoulders. He suggested we continue our conversations on Skype … hmm … I hate web cams. I only have Skype to speak to my overseas relatives and friends, you know, those people who could care less how you look. Now when it’s someone like this, you need to look good. So I said no the first couple times he asked, then I caved, only because I was curious about him too. So we started chatting on Skype, first for a short time and then for hours. It was like we were going about our daily routines together, but not. It became a daily thing. It really felt like a relationship, but how could it be? He wanted to fly me to where he was, I said no. He said he was going to fly to where I was, I said no. Not ready for that, besides, he was showing me the side of him that he wanted me to see. Not for long! He then started showing me another side. He showed me his dominance side. Don’t get me wrong, I like a strong man, but this was out of line, especially for someone who wasn’t even my partner. He was trying to tell me how to dress, how to do my hair, where to go or not go, how to act, what to do or not do. WTF??? Um, my parents don’t even tell me what to do (well they tried! LOL!) … as if this guy was going to do it. If he seriously was like this after a couple of weeks of speaking, not even meeting, how would be in person, and even worse, in a relationship. I didn’t need this.

So what did I do? I told him to lay off and that we needed to slow it down and not speak as much and that I don’t do long distance relationships. I was honest. What did he do? He went and pulled what he pulled on me on my close friend. He did the same things to her to lure her in, he said the same sweet things to her that he said to me, it was like it was his game that he played step by step, a routine that he followed. She didn’t know I was speaking with him (I hadn’t shared it with anyone). When she told me what he did and what he said I flipped! What an ass. He was trying to make me jealous I found out later from him. The worst of it was that he wanted me back and wanted to start a clean slate. I refused. If every time we had a problem he would play these games I wanted no part of it. Life is full of game players, we all play games, but some games you just don’t want to be a part of because the rules are shady and change continuously. That was him. So was it the long distance that kept me away? That was the main reason, but his games sealed the deal.

I also have another potential long distance, I will call it a friendship because I don’t think it will get to “relationship” status, but I won’t assign him a name just yet since we haven’t gone further than trying to arrange a meeting. We chat often and enjoy each other’s text/online company but that’s as far as it goes. Every time we are in the same end of the country we try to meet, but it never seems to work out. We just want to meet and go out on a date … will it happen? Stay tuned!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva