So you thought I would only pick on the ladies eh? Well, nope … there are some crazy men out there too! You know the ones who are not only relentless in their pursuit to the point of obsession? Well, there are a lot of them out there. They are not only pushy and borderline stalker, they also tend to be jealous and possessive. Is it also a case of insecurity? Perhaps. What ever happened to “he’s just not that into you” … well it could go either way … how about “he’s too much into you” or “she’s just not that into you” … Here is one of my good friend’s stories about someone she met who I feel totally fits into the Crazy Man Syndrome category …
After her divorce, she decided she need some time to reflect on her life, have some “me” time and of course some much deserved fun! She booked a spontaneous trip to Europe to take in the beaches and relax. She relished the thought of just being alone and distancing herself from the ugliness of the divorce. Sometimes, in order to move on, we need to detach and what better place to do that than on a Mediterranean beach? When she got there, she never imagined how beautiful the scenery would be. She also never imagined she would find some male scenery as well. After a couple of days she met someone who happened to be from the same country as herself who was in the region for work and was taking some relax time as well. They hit it off instantly, however, she wasn’t really ready for a relationship. He was out of a messy divorce as well. They agreed to enjoy each other’s company and take in the scenery together. They both enjoyed the outdoors and being active so they hiked, did some touristy stuff and ate the fabulous food.
When it came time to leave, they exchanged contact information to “keep in touch” and went their separate ways. She re-iterated that she wasn’t ready for a relationship and he totally agreed that he was fine with that. When she returned home, she planned on continuing her healing process and re-discover herself. However, the man had other plans. He kept contacting her endlessly telling her how much he missed her and was thinking of her and of their time together. At first, she thought it was nice and thanked him for the compliments but repeated she really didn’t want anything more. He didn’t heed this and kept messaging her several times a day. When he returned home, it got worse. She decided to try it, since she really liked him too and liked spending time with him. She did tell him she didn’t want anything serious, but she would like to see him again. She went to visit him where he was and they had a great time together as they always do. He was the perfect gentleman and treated her like a princess. She found it quite nice since she’s rarely encountered that before. But she felt a little like he was a little obsessed with her. She couldn’t shake the feeling that he was “too much” … it was a little claustrophobic. She decided to tell him.
She shared her feelings with him and was very open about how she felt. She really liked him and enjoyed spending time with him, but wasn’t looking for anything serious. She also told him that she felt his messages to her were excessive and although she loved hearing from him, it didn’t need to be several times a day. He acknowledged how she felt and agreed to be more aware of his actions. He was crazy about her and was willing to do anything that made her happy. So she was glad that she had this talk with him. She went back home and it continued as before. She thought, well maybe she was being unreasonable, I mean so many woman would love all this attention, why was she feeling so claustrophobic then? Perhaps, although she enjoyed his company, he wasn’t really the right one for her. Perhaps, she just wasn’t ready for a relationship yet. She didn’t know. She decided to invite him to come visit her for a weekend to test the waters.
He was happy to come and they spent a great weekend together, doing things they enjoyed like outdoor activities and going out to dinner. Actually, I joined them for dinner one night and I saw how much he adored her. The way he looked at her was like he felt that he was the luckiest man on earth. Wow, I thought. But I could see how uncomfortable it made her. Perhaps this just wasn’t a good fit. She later told me that she felt like he was totally in her space all the time and didn’t give her room to breath and she did tell him that when he was here. But it continued, he continued to do the same and it even became worse. He was relentless. She decided to end it. It wasn’t fair to her or to him to continue if they weren’t on the same page. He took it quite hard and increased his messages and emails to her. He just couldn’t accept it. He was becoming quite crazy about the whole situation. It got to a point where it scared her and she was concerned he was going to do something harmful. She kept telling him to stop contacting her but he would come back with several messages about how much he loved her and how he never loved anyone like her and how perfect they were together, etc. She ended up telling him angrily to stop and how his messages were scaring her. He still texts her daily wanting to call or saying that he wishes her a wonderful day. She doesn’t respond. He isn’t getting the hint.
So was he crazy? Was it his pride? Was he insecure? I’m not sure. I think he is afflicted with Crazy Man Syndrome. These guys who get obsessed with someone and can’t take no for an answer. Why do people do this? Why does “no” never mean “no”? Although it might have seemed like she was sending him mixed message, my friend was always honest about her intentions but he only saw and heard what he wanted and pushed her further and further to the point of suffocation. She couldn’t take it anymore. People, you need to stop doing that. No one wants to be suffocated – men OR women. Wait a minute, maybe, just maybe we should set up the “crazy ladies” with the “crazy men” … they can live happily crazy ever after … just a thought … no but then they would have crazy kids who will terrorize future generations. Yikes!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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