Looking Beyond The Mirror: Guest Post

My friend Steve has been through a challenging love life just like the rest of us and has had some great dating adventures while searching for “the one”.  He shares some of his insights and dating experiences.

I decided recently I needed to take a break from dating.  I have been on and off the dating circuit a few times since getting divorced five years ago.  I wanted to bring myself to a place where I not only feel truly comfortable and content being single but also physically and emotionally satisfied with who and what I am as a person, and, of course when my gut instincts tell me to return.

While taking some time off from dating, I had notions of what I was searching for: a redhead or dark brunette, an Aries (I’ve rarely dated them, and as Aries and Leo are supposedly my best matches, wanted to give it a go), possibly a Francophone, someone worldly, someone athletic and would challenge me to reach my potential in that area, etc, etc. In the following people who I dated over a shorter time span not too long ago, I experienced snippets of all of that, just not the whole package.  So here are some of my recent adventures …

Catalina (Aries)
Slightly older Francophone woman, currently immersed in yogic practice though a recovering alcoholic, and has what she terms, a hobo (former boyfriend) living with her that she can’t get rid of. We met a few times for coffee, her interest in me was very brief, fizzling out after a few weeks as I couldn’t go skiing with her (a major passion) due to a leg injury. She also wanted me to make an ongoing reality web-series, starring her and the Hobo. Okay. Anyways, I posted a different picture of me a few weeks later and it somehow re-ignited her passions and she wanted to be all over me. We went on a brunch date and she then decided that we would be better off as friends, introducing me to her friends. I declined as I didn’t want to be stuck in some category to clear her conscience or be one of her friend’s “sloppy seconds” so to speak.

Hayley (Aries)
Single mom, after a few weeks, up and told me she just started seeing someone and said “catch you later.” A month later, she sends me messages saying she left the guy (because he had hygiene issues) AND that she’s pregnant with his child. Oh boy. No thanks.

Yvette (Virgo)
Older single mom who was making the transition back to being a student. Had limited conversational capacity and every time she talked, her head moved back and forth like a bobblehead. Seriously.

Denise (Aries)
Another Francophone woman who accepted a dinner date at my place on Valentine’s Day (yes ladies, I can cook!). We had good chemistry, though she seemed distracted. Next day I learned that she lost interest because my house smelled very strongly of cats. I explained (or re-explained as it were with her) that as I had had a house guest up until recently who also brought four poorly maintained cats with her (who trashed my furniture), I was still struggling to clean the place, and because it was winter, I could not just open all the windows to vent the place. No reprieve, she was done. The real slap in the face was that she had pined after a Furry (Google it, it’s a fetish) for six months.

Callie (Pisces)
A masseuse who wanted to conscript me for experimental group sex. Did I take her up on her offer …?

Sadie (Leo)
Slightly older Francophone woman who got over her introvertedness by sending out nude pictures of herself. Ever see the movie “What’s Your Number?” Sometimes, you REALLY don’t want to know the answer.

Lena (Aquarius)
Older Francophone woman, transplanted from Montréal, unemployed and living with her mom. We met for coffee, got along well, though at one point, mused at just having casual sex relations, but that I was “safe” and would be an invaluable friend. Ladies: guys don’t want to hear that. Nice to know we can be friends, but apparently not sexy enough to pine after, or at least get an offer is tantamount to being labelled as “the gay best friend.”

Lessons learned:

  • Clearly define what you are and are not looking for (write it down);
  • Internet dating should comprise of a small percentage of your dating strategy;
  • The people we attract are a reflection who we are internally and externally;
  • Get to know people and allow for (contextual) oddities, but don’t compromise for less than you are worth;
  • If you are having a string of odd dates or notice some trend that is not to your liking, take a break, take inventory, re-orient yourself & your goals, and get back in the saddle.

To give you some optimism in this wild ride, I offer you this little piece of advice: each person you meet/date reflects some aspect of your future intended and puts you one step closer to meeting “the one”.

Good luck! XO

Make sure to follow Steve on Twitter here: @Stevemus_Prime

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva


  1. Internet dating was my only means of meeting guys! I thoroughly appreciate a male perspective and recommend as well to take a break from dating if there is a consistent pattern of “bad” dates. Thanks Steve! Best of luck to you!!


Comments are closed.