Secrets Revealed: Men Need To Feel Needed

In this era of the independent woman and the feminist movement, men have been left emasculated.  Let’s face reality here, women don’t really NEED a man to survive anymore, they can do it all on their own.  Women have the opportunity to be educated, get awesome careers, make good money, own property and nice cars.  Girls are no longer raised to be wives and mothers.  From an early age they are encouraged to be successful and independent.  So, where does that leave them when it comes to relationships?  It doesn’t leave them anywhere good, particularly the older and more financially secure they get.  This new trend has significantly changed the dating dynamic.

Men Need To Feel Needed

Traditionally, men have been the providers and head of their households.  This has definitely changed in recent years, not only because women have become more career oriented, but, because women have become more independent.  Unfortunately, this isn’t working when it comes to dating.  Why? Well, men need to feel like they are men.  Men need to feel needed.  They need to feel that their role as men in relationships is secure.  They want to feel like their partners appreciate their presence and what they do for them.  They want to be the king of their castle.  They want to feel valued and that their woman couldn’t even dream of life with anyone else but him.  Chauvinist? Selfish? Narcissistic? Well, not so much.  Just natural instincts I think.  It’s who they are and what they are meant to be.

Women Don’t Need Men Anymore

men need to feel neededAs earlier mentioned, women are able to be financially stable on their own.  They are established without a man.  This makes it tricky when it comes to meeting men.  The older women get the more independent they become.  They are financially savvy, they know how to fix things around the house, they can take care of their car, they can go on vacations alone, they can protect themselves, they have fulfilling social lives and they can have a fulfilling sex life without a man.  For a woman who’s independent, men are a nice to have but not necessary.  What did Cher say? Oh yes, “men aren’t necessities, they’re luxuries”. Well there you go!

Men Want To Be Needed … But They Don’t Want To Be Used

Not only do men want to be needed, they want to be the desired partner of the woman they pursue.  However, they don’t want gold-diggers or women who poach them for everything they’ve worked hard for.  There’s nothing more unattractive than a desperate woman or one who’s not appreciative.  You know a person by their actions and their requests.  Does she still want you if you haven’t spent loads of money on her? That’s a good question to ask yourself.  The best kind of woman wants what you have to offer as a gift but she doesn’t NEED it.  I have a lot of friends and men I’ve dated that have a lot of money, but never ever did I ever ask them for anything.  I’m not greedy.  If they offer then that’s different, but I wouldn’t ever use anyone.  OK, this is getting confusing isn’t it?  Essentially, men need to feel needed, but unless they are extremely possessive, they want their partners to also have their own independence, life and friends.  Sounds healthy, doesn’t it? But there has to be a balance and clear roles defined.

What Can Women Do?

There is a definite balance between being NEEDY and making a man feel NEEDED.  How so?  Well, I’m not saying that women have to go back a few centuries, but, they do need to take the blatant advertising of their independence down a notch.  It’s so fabulously awesome that you have a great career, a gorgeous condo and a nice car.  It’s wonderful that you’ve got your life in order.  But, ladies, don’t make it obvious, don’t flaunt or make it “what you have to offer” to a man.  I have seen it time and again.  Women who think they are great catches because they are financially and physically independent, but the only thing it does is scare men off or, even worse, attract the bums who want to mooch off them.  Sound familiar?  It’s reality.

Ladies, keep your financial and physical independence on the down low.  A man isn’t stupid, he can see you’ve got your shit together.  You don’t need to tell him.  You aren’t doing yourself any favors by flaunting your independence.  Trust me, if it’s a quality guy, it will only scare him away.  But what you CAN do is this:

  • Mention how although you CAN do things like cut the grass or take out the garbage on your own, you would love to have a man around to do it.
  • Reward him for doing things for you and around the house (it makes him feel valued and important and he will continue to do it) and don’t criticize him if he does it wrong.
  • Let him open doors for you, let him pay for dates, let him treat you to a shopping trip, let him buy groceries, let him fix something around the house even if it’s something you can do with your eyes closed.
  • Keep telling him how lucky you feel to have him in your life and how he makes you feel special.
  • Ask a man for his advice for any personal or professional dilemmas you have.  You don’t have to take his suggestions, but it will make him feel needed and useful … like his opinion matters.
  • Don’t talk about salaries and who makes more or contributes more financially to the relationship.

These are just some suggestions, but you get the idea.  Besides, we all know women WANT A REAL MAN! The way to attract them is to take a step back and LET him be a real man.  Men and women are different.  It’s a fact.  Get over it.  We have different roles and we do need each other.  Let a woman be a woman and man be a man …

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva


  1. Another great post, but I would disagree with the wording. I think a better word than “needed” would be “respected”. Men need to be respected. Whether it’s from a woman they are with or from a co-worker or boss.
    It’s why one of the worse things a woman could do is put down their man in front of his friends.
    How does a woman show respect? It’s not about bowing to a man’s awesomeness. It’s about simply acknowledging their value (as you said) and their achievements. A man and woman can do the exact same duty. The woman simply moved on to the next job. The man needs to be honoured for what he has done.

    So, if “respect” is the one word that would be at the top of the list of what a man needs, what would be the one word to describe what a woman needs? Well, I’m assuming that would be food for another post, and yes, I have my opinion 🙂


  2. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I am scared off by successful women. I personally seek them out as I do not want to date an air-head. No need to pretend you don’t have a car and a cool condo. I have them too and know you do. I have seen the hot girl at the condo complex washing her bright pink Jeep! I have also seen her boyfriend (dammit).

    Don’t worry, you are not one of the “leftover women of china” because you are successful.

    With university enrollment fairly heavily slanted towards women (outside a couple areas like Engineering), and university grads generally making more than other educational levels, it is certainly logical that women are going to be the bigger income earners in households of the future as all these ladies work their way up to higher levels of employment food chain over the coming decades.

    I have never met a guy who complained the women in his life was too successful, or made too much, or was too smart. They complain she is bitch, an air head, or just plain crazy.

    I think the better question to ask (for either gender) is how you see the relationship working. What is each persons role in the household? If one wants a partner, then what do they want said partner for?


    • Thanks for the comment John and your insights. It’s not about men not wanting successful women, but they don’t want a women who flaunts her success and makes them feel less of a man. Men and women are different and there’s nothing wrong with functioning in our traditional roles when it comes to every day situations.


      • No one wants anyone to be with someone who flaunts their success. That’s just bad form. That doesn’t mean that I, as a woman, should hide it or downplay it. If he feels bad because I was able to provide for myself materially, then we are not compatible. I personally would not want to be in a relationship with a man who bases his entire identity, or uses their success as a way to one-up the other person. Again, that’s just bad form and should not be held exclusively as requirement for a woman. For me, it always makes me uncomfortable when I read things like “But, ladies, don’t make it obvious, don’t flaunt or make it “what you have to offer” to a man.” It means, for me, to hide an important part of who I am. Personally, if I am spending a majority of my time working in a science lab trying to answer a research question, it’s going to come up in conversation. If I just recently closed on a house, it’s going to come up in the conversation. I am proud of my accomplishments. Now with that said, those things should not dominate the conversation. Because I have many other qualities that I bring that are valuable in a relationship. In a long winded way, I don’t think the answer for women is to downplay their accomplishments or their “independence”, it’s to make sure that they show other parts of themselves (their passion, caring and nurturing side), respect the men that they are with (as another male poster stateed), and show that she actually does want a relationship (by her willingness to trust what he does or says unless proven otherwise).


  3. This is interesting, I’ve been having this conversation a lot as of late. I don’t feel like I flaunt my independence but I’ve still had men say that I seem too independent. I once had my mechanic say to me:

    “Men can get “scared” because you’re self-sufficient. You worked your way up in your job. You own your own car. You have your own place. How’d you do all that- you did it on your own merit. Now what can he offer you other than his penis- something every other man out there has? Men, people, hate to feel like they can be easily replaced.” He also followed up with: “You shouldn’t take any BS from any man. It’s not that men should feel intimidated it’s that you have to find someone who’s on your level, someone who brings something to the table.”

    I get that men need to feel needed but, I do think it’s kind of a Catch-22 for women. I don’t think it’s that women today don’t need men it’s that we need them in a way that is different from how our grandmothers’ needed their men and, I think a lot of men aren’t catching on to that. And in the meantime what are women supposed to do while we wait??? Are we not supposed to travel, get educated, drive, or pay our own bills in order to seem needier?


  4. i certainly very much agree with that, but with so many lesbians nowadays that very much makes it very difficult for us straight guys looking to meet a good woman now to share our life with.


      • Well if women didn’t have such a Very Serious Attitude Problem nowadays And Play Very Hard To Get, just maybe many of us men would be able to meet a Decent One Today. After ALL, women years ago were certainly Much More Better Educated than today.


        • Sorry you’ve had such a bad experience. Perhaps it’s best not to generalize and change your methods? Sometimes we just need to be aware of the message we’re sending out. Best of luck!


  5. Men are needed – not in the way they think – a woman doesn’t need a knight in shining armor – she does need his company – his ability to make her feel safe and loved.

    It’s just that simple men – be faithful to her – compliment her.


  6. Great article! I think as we progress we’re seeing how overreaching women’s lib has been over the past 3-4 decades. While it may have had some positive attributes it has blurred the roles and purposes of men and women. I think the word emasculated sums it up for men these days. Some men like those on the Askmen website might disagree with feeling emasculated but most of them are merely players looking to score ASAP. I hope ladies pay attention to this article. Like you said we’re created differently with inherent needs and roles.


  7. And women wonder where are the good men are. They are checking out and don’t care anymore. You keep telling them they aren’t needed and they say ok then F you and enjoy being alone with your strong independent self.


  8. Someone once said to me that men need to feel like the ‘King of their Castle’ both sexually and romantically – that’s probably the reason why it works when you go out of your way to make the guy feel great!


  9. I made the mistake of letting my guard down and saying “I need you” but I will NEVER make that mistake again. Women are the most challenging creatures on this planet. The minute you feel you understand a woman’s needs and cater to her wants, needs and expectations, BOOM…she hits you with “you are clingy honey”. A woman will say “you are not sensitive enough..ur too macho” and the fist time you cry in front of her, She tells her friends “he’s not strong enough”. I give up!
    I am KC and I approve this message


  10. The average man wants one thing to make them feel whole. if they don’t get it on their terms they are bitter. They will show you in some way. They like control over that part and if they don’t get it…all hell to pay. I could tell this was written by a man lol. Being needed is one thing, but the terms reach more into the machismo male persona. Not what you want to hear my friend. Downplaying our worth only shows that the man is insecure. Won’t do it! It’s tuff being a strong independent female these days, but love it and wouldn’t trade my independence for a man that needs to be validated for his penis or man skills. I can do it all and feel I will be one of those women that is truly authentic and support that by being the person that loves myself first. And don’t have to model myself after the stepford wives of the past. Pair bonding is a mutually respectful path in finding common ground between two ppl is not that hard. True love wins; not because the government approved it. Gay or non.


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