My friend Gina Kerrigan from Cupid’s Laboratory gives us some great tips on the how to reject that unwanted pickup! Enjoy!
Some guys on dating sites make it so easy to say get lost. In fact, in my own online dating career, insulting libidinous cretins with with words too difficult for their meager understanding became something of a hobby for me. But then, there are those men who really do try to get it right. They send a polite intro, they refer to a few of your interests. Heck, they might even throw in a halfway witty joke.
Yet, you’re just not interested. The reason doesn’t much matter—he simply does not meet your criteria. What do you do next?
I have one friend who ignores introductory gestures from men she’s not interested in. She’s busy—and, she reasons, no stranger is entitled to even a crumb of her time.
At the other end of the spectrum is a dating profile client who admitted she actually encouraged men she was not interested in—sending replies to their questions and leaving the door open to further communication.
“One of the men was a widower and just looked so sad,” she told me. “Kind of reminded me of that cartoon character Droopy Dog.”
Well, I commented, he’ll probably be even droopier when you reject him AFTER being saddened by him in person.
For the busy woman who believes every nice intro merits a reply (as I do), here’s a formula to speed you through polite rejections. It applies the time-tested principle of kiss-kick-kiss.
It’s simple and oh-so-easy to remember. I’ll use Droopy Dog as an example.
Begin with a “kiss” of appreciation, inserting one actual reference to his intro or profile.
“Dear Droopy Dog,
Thank you so much for reaching out and for telling me a little bit about yourself—and congratulations on winning first prize for your planter-grown deck zucchinis. What an interesting and unusual hobby.”
Next, conveniently sandwiched between the soft Wonder bread slices of appreciation comes the meat of your message. The “kick,” if you will. Keep it brief, and try to focus more on logistical/lifestyle matters than on personal characteristics.
“As I mentioned in my profile, I have two kids in high school. Dating men with young children is not a good lifestyle fit for me.”
And then the final kiss of good wishes—preferably with a nice little reference to what he’s looking for.
“I wish you every good thing as you seek out opportunities to meet up with other Scrabble enthusiasts and planter gardeners.“
Easy, right? Good then. No more ignoring perfectly nice people. And no more pity dates with Droopy Dog, either.
Thank you Gina!! Definitely some great tips!!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
Gina Kerrigan is a relationship blogger who encourages midlife chicks to write their own cheeky dating rules. She draws from her experience as a high school and college writing instructor in teaching women how to create truly individual online dating profiles. You can download her free guide to writing a kickass profile on her blog home page: www.cupidslaboratory.com. Follow her on Twitter at @GinaKerrigan or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/cupidslaboratory
My pleasure, SDDiva! Thanks so much for including my thoughts amongst your collection of dating erudition. 🙂
You’re very welcome Gina! Thanks for a great and very insightful post!!
Hearing how to let someone down using the sandwich method is one thing…but seeing your example makes it do-able! Excellent post, Gina! You have awesome friends, Diva!
I do have some very talented friends don’t I?! It’s a great method, especially if you feel bad letting them down.
ahhh… thanks for the memories. LOL! It was quite fun!
LOL!! See I can’t see you letting anyone down easy Ms. Cheevious!!
I remember being so valiant and altruistic in the beginning of my online dating pursuits, to swear to respond to everyone. Every rule is meant to be broken, however, and it takes someone with the ability to sift through and know those you can let down quickly and easily, and those who may require they be handled more… gingerly…. LOL!!! Fun post!
Thanks Lisa Jey!! You’re right … weeding out the good, the bad and the ugly is quite the chore, that’s why this is such a great tool to use!!
I really enjoyed the post but this formulaic rejection seems to be more of a self-serving than mutually beneficial action. Sure, the person delivering the message feels better about themselves because they were kind and courteous however, what about the person receiving the message? We’ve all received bad news/criticism via the sandwich method (or something closely resembling it) how does it make you feel? I am always left with the, “tell me what you really think or don’t waste my time responding” feeling. Essentially, I would prefer to be ignored.
Worth noting: I don’t subscribe to dating sites or even FB so, my opinion may be moot.
Thanks for your comment Robbie! It’s always nice to hear back from someone you thought was going to be a good match online but the sandwich method isn’t for everyone you’re right.
[…] you can check out this great post from The Dating Diva‘s blog on sending a quick rejection . A good read in my […]
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