I’ve said before that the relationship and dating game is like a race … we’re all in this crazy competition to hit the finish line. Some of us start off great and end with no challenges at all, while others, like me and no doubt some of you, stumble along the way. How DO we get to the finish line? In my own journey, I have learned a lot about what makes me tick, my likes, my dislikes … but more importantly I’ve learned what’s keeping me from the finish line.
Now that I have the knowledge and tools I need, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I might still be single, but definitely happily single and not settling for less than I want and what I deserve. I am very lucky (and grateful) for the life that I do have and the people around me that a partner would only add to the package. So I will share how to take responsibility for your own success, stand up on that podium and be a dating champion.
“Obstacles are challenges for winners and excuses for losers” (M.E Kerr)
How To Be A Dating Champion
There are several ways to be a dating champion. Here are some things you need to keep in mind:
- Be True To You: I know I say this all the time, but it’s true!! You need to be true to who you are and not adapt to someone else’s life. You need to find someone to date who’s life, interests, personality, etc are compatible with yours. Don’t settle when dating.
- Offload The Baggage: You know the baggage I’m talking about. Your dating baggage from previous relationships is what holds you back from giving your 100% in a new relationship. You need to let go and not blame your old problems on a new person. It’s not their problem or fault your ex mistreated you. It also means getting an attitude adjustment … and, for goodness sake, get rid of that HUGE chip on your shoulder. Thinking “all men” or “all women” are the same will get you nowhere. No one wants to experience your bitterness, so add some sugar and move on.
- Be Realistic: This means don’t set your goals too high or too low when dating. Like I mentioned earlier, you need to find someone who’s compatible with you. Although there is the rare occasion that a commoner marries royalty, it’s definitely not the norm. We can’t all have Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie. OK, OK, they say to reach for the moon and you’ll land among the stars. I get it … aim high but you know what, there are some perfectly great people, as I’ve learned, who are lounging among the stars with us. I see way too often women and men who are average looking aim for the hottest person in the bunch and get let down, then they hate all women and men as a result. I know my limitations and usually stay within them unless I am approached.
- Think Positive: Your worst enemies are negativity as well as self-deprecating thoughts. Low self-confidence will lead you to dating people who are all wrong for you because you are dating to fill an emptiness inside you (literally and figuratively). If you don’t know your own worth and you think negatively then your choices will reflect that. I’ve said several times that thinking positive will attract positive experiences. We all have negative moments when we feel down, but they should be that, moments. So c’mon, always look on the bright side of life!!!
- Be Happy Alone: Don’t expect another person to complete you. This whole “other half” business is bullshit. You need to be a whole person who is looking for another whole person to date. Again it goes back to finding that compatible person who won’t take away from your life but add to it. If you can’t truly be happy alone then no one else will be able to make you happy. It’s simple really.
- Look Good and Feel Good: I’m talking to all you people out there who complain about being fat and ugly. Don’t complain, do something about it!! You’re not happy with the way you look? Eat better, exercise, get a makeover, take a bath, brush your hair … whatever you need to do to get where you want to be. Nothing is more annoying than the person who is playing a self-deprecating broken record. Your friends are too nice to tell you so I will … get off your ass and do what you need to do to look and feel like a star. That’s what I did. After my divorce I got my shit together and released my inner goddess!! Now go out there and release your inner god or goddess … you’ll thank me later … and if I hear you complaining ONE MORE TIME … so help me God …
- Thanks But No Thanks: Know how to say no to someone you’re not interested in. I know you feel bad and don’t want to hurt their feelings, but, trust me, it’s better to be honest. Let them off easy and say thanks but no thanks. I used to feel bad about breaking up with someone I was dating or someone I got bored of. Then, with practice, it got easier. Don’t waste your time with someone who isn’t right for you when you can be working on your quest for the RIGHT person.
- Don’t Discriminate: So they aren’t your type, or you haven’t dated someone like that before? I say go out for a coffee or drink, you never know, you might be pleasantly surprised. It’s definitely happened to me before. At the very worst you will meet someone new and learn that you don’t like that type of person, at the very best you will find a surprise diamond in the rough. That’s what I did, that’s how I have a clear picture of what I am looking for, because I tried lots of different types of people on for size.
- Have A Good Support System: Just like you are there for your friends/family when they need you, they are there for you too. I am very grateful for all the good people around me who helped me through the challenging time after my separation and divorce (and through all my dating escapades). They lift me up when I trip and fall. You need to find those few people who will do that for you. You know, your Tin Man, Scarecrow and Lion … OK Dorothy?
- Be Grateful: Regardless of what we don’t have, we always have more than someone else has. Keep that in mind next time you are feeling sorry for yourself. Although I fall off the wagon sometimes, I am very grateful for what I have, and, as I’ve said many times before, I am grateful for all of you!! So stop feeling sorry for yourself!! Stop being negative!! Don’t worry, be happy!!
“You’ve got to be sure of yourself before you can ever win a prize.” (Napoleon Hill)
So these are the top 10 things I’ve learned over the past couple of years re-discovering myself and gaining my footing back after my divorce. What has it resulted in? A stronger, more resilient me. It will also lead me to find the RIGHT person for me. I might trip every once in a while, but we all do, the important thing is to get back on the wagon.
All the things I listed above are connected to being the best you and living your best single life without having to worry about anyone else. That person should just organically fit in to your current life … no fuss, no muss. And remember …
“Self belief, wise choice and karma are the three main ingredients of winners.” (Sandeep Kakkar)
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
Great list! Especially no 5. Because I’m happy on my own I like dating.
Thanks for the comment! Yes, when you are happy on your own you don’t have expectations and don’t put undue pressure on yourself or the other person.
Some great advice. Number 7 is definitely worth pointing out; although it’s hard to say ‘thanks, but no thanks’, it’s better for both of you in the long run and it’s much kinder than ignoring them.
Thanks so much! So glad you liked it! You’re right … it’s so uncomfortable to tell someone you’re not interested but in the end it’s really a win-win.
The idea of being happy alone–sounds easy and it’s really not. But so many things seem to fall into place when you get that part figured out. Honestly, it’s one of the reasons I began blogging. Writing is the solitary, creative activity I enjoy most–so why not put those solo Friday nights to some good use :-).
One other interesting thing about blogging is that once you start hearing from other people who are dating, you realize that we all feel that “singleness angst” from time to time.
Thanks for a thought-provoking post!
Thanks Gina!! We do have a great community of single bloggers!!
Very good motivating tips on how to be a dating champion, Suzie! I definitely agree with how you have to be “HAPPY ALONE.” If you can’t be happy on your own, then you will never be in a successful relationship because if the only thing you can love in life is your partner, you will be putting way too much stress in the relationship. You should always keep in mind when you first start dating someone that they are only a bonus in your life—they don’t define it and you could be okay even if they aren’t in your life for longer than one date.
Thanks Jimmy … you’re right they should be a bonus. You are complete without anyone, or you should be!
This is an excellent post! As a long term single gal I have had to learn the importance of #9. I have drifted from some and I have had others end a friendship with me because of how down I sometimes get from being single. I had to recognize who is in my corner, throughout all my ups and downs, and take time to cultivate those relationships. Through that cultivation I created a family of friends who are there for me and stand by me no matter what. Since then I’ve never, ever felt alone and have felt more loved than I ever have being in a relationship which then led me to #5.
Thanks Hope! That’s really what it’s about … the relationships we forge throughout the ebbs and flows our our life!!
Good stuff. I agree with all the things here. I’m working on number 7. still. But with regard to pursuing folks I’m luke warm about… Why do I do that? Lol.
Thanks for your comment! Yes, sometimes we stick around longer than we really should with people we’re not excited about. Could it be because we just want someone to date?
This is so great! I am definitely sharing with my friends- single, married and otherwise as this can apply to all!
So glad you enjoyed it!! Thanks for sharing!!
Nice list, SDD! I especially like #8.
Awesome post!!! Thanks for the reminders 😉
Thanks Stacia! So glad you liked it!! 🙂
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