Has someone broken your heart? Moved on without you? I know that feeling all too well, actually I’ve known it more than I’d like. Usually it’s not about wanting them in your life again, it’s about them moving on and you still being where you are. It’s not fun, I know, but, I also know that letting go can be the most freeing thing you could ever do for yourself. I’ve gotten this question (and several like it) many times, and it’s one that’s near and dear to my heart. Enjoy.
Dear Single Dating Diva,
I recently found out that my ex-fiance is now engaged to someone else. Our relationship ended on bad terms, there was no real closure and he’s not part of my life anymore but I can’t help but feel a little upset, alright, more than a little. I can’t help wonder why I got the short end of the stick while she’s got the good one? I don’t want him back, don’t get me wrong, but I also don’t want to see him happy while I’m sitting here alone and miserable. What do I do?
Bitter to the End
Dear Bitter to the End,
Thank you for your question. I completely know where you are coming from. The only thing worse than a bad breakup is a bad breakup without closure. Trust me, I know. I’ve been there. I’ve been there more than once. It definitely leaves some messiness and residue that becomes some heavy baggage. I also know that letting go of this baggage is the most freeing thing you can do for yourself. Your ex moving on is inevitable, you will too when the time is right. A good friend once told me that you just see them happy, the good stuff, but you really don’t know what’s behind it and why so it’s not worth being upset. I agree. In my post “Being Happy For “Them”“, I spoke about seeing others seemingly happy and moving on, especially friends and family and you staying where you are. Do you have to be happy for them? Well, that’s really your choice. Do you have be happy for an ex? I think no you don’t, but you don’t want it looming over your life either.
Everyone must go along their own life’s path. Yours and theirs wasn’t meant to be walked together. I completely know how difficult it is to see them moving on but you really do have to let go in order for you to move forward. It’s part of your past, you need to learn from it, let go and move on. Sounds simpler than it is, I know. However, this is something that must be done. How do you let go of a past love? Like a bandage, quick and fast. You will deal with the stinging for a short time but then you will heal and you can go on with your life. You don’t have to be happy for them, just be neutral. It’s over. They aren’t part of your present life story so why give them a place that could be reserved for more happy things? Fill your life with better, more important things and concentrate your energies on finding the RIGHT person for you. My advice? Just let go. You will be happy you did.
Best of luck!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
Moving on is always important but it still doesn’t stop you from you thinking of a past-love. In my own case, I cut ties with her because I simply found it too difficult to be friends, or as she wanted “pen-pals”.
I believe that if I had not cut ties with her, I would not have met my wife.
You’re completely right Lawrence, only by letting go and accepting of the past can we truly move forward. Thanks for the comment!
I really think distance is important at least at the start. And delete them from facebook! Constant photos of your ex being happy popping up is not helpful. After that go out and enjoy yourself as much as you can.
You are so right, completely cutting the cord will definitely help you move on much more quickly.
I have a lot of trouble with this one because my ex and I not only co-parent together, we work together. We get along very well, which makes it more difficult in some ways. I think it would be better for me to see him less (a LOT less), but job hunting in my 50’s would probably be more difficult than dating…
Thanks for your comment Sharona! That is a sticky situation you’ve got there, even though you’re on good terms it’s still hard and it being in your face makes it even more challenging. Hope something better comes your way soon!!
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