Those who follow my blog regularly know that I talk a lot about sex and about discerning when the best time is to have sex. My recent post called Sex Is What’s Wrong With Dating explored the prevalence of sex in the dating world and how sex has become more important than getting to know someone. You may agree with me, or, you may not, but, I think that sex and dating really is a big issue that needs to be discussed. For me, discussion on the sex and dating topic needs to be front and center. OK people … we need to talk.
What People Are Saying About Sex and Dating
Essentially, there are two schools of thought. Some people think that it doesn’t matter when you have sex because sex doesn’t really matter anymore. Others think that waiting will ensure that you will get to know the person better before you decide that you want to be with them, then, and only then, should you have sex. Both schools of thought have merit and it really comes down to personal choice and comfort level. I always say, and this is true of EVERY encounter and every person you meet (whether or not you have sex with them), that if someone wants to be with you they will be regardless of if you have sex with them the first date or the tenth date. It’s very simple really.
What do I think? Well, as most of you know I am in the “wait a bit” school of thought. Even if they will be with you anyway if you have sex or not, you will save yourself the emotional turmoil if they decide NOT to be with you. Besides (as I spoke about previously on my blog) countless studies have concluded that those couples who wait have stronger and more stable relationships because they got to know each other first and avoided the blinding lust which in turn allowed them to see the person for who they really are. That’s good enough reason for me!!
How Casual Sex and Booty Calls Play a Role in Sex and Dating
bookstore150Another reason I’m a big fan of waiting to have sex is all the many many questions I get from my readers about how to turn a booty call or friends with benefits into a relationship. Can your booty call turn into a relationship? Short answer no. Long answer, well, no. Actually, it has been known to happen in rare occasions but what on earth makes you think that YOU are going to be the exception to the rule. Unemotional sex isn’t for everyone. One person usually develops feelings. I already said, and will say again, if someone REALLY wants to be with you they will be. If you have been having sex with someone casually for an extended period of time and they haven’t made the move to make it something more serious then it’s not going to happen. I’m sorry to tell you but you know I’m right. So don’t waste your time.
Casual sex is not something to be taken lightly. I think that it’s reducing sex to just a thing without meaning. That’s not good in my opinion. Sex is something to be shared by two people who feel something strongly for each other. It’s a partnership. It’s making each other happy and fulfilled in every way. Now why would you want to reduce that to something unemotional and random?
Why Sex and Dating Really Does Matter
It really does. It really really does. When meeting someone new just get to know them for who they really are. Get to know how they think, how they act in different situations, how they are socially, their likes, their dislikes … the good, the bad and the ugly. Get to know them first. Then decide if this is someone you want to have a relationship with. They should be doing the same. If you are on the same page and have decided to be exclusive then go ahead, have sex, have LOTS of sex, enjoy it. If you decide this is not someone you want to be with then you’ve not connected at the most intimate level with them which is a GOOD thing. Sex and dating really does matter. There is no hard and fast rule about number of dates or timing, do it when you’re ready, but, do yourself a favor and get to know them first. And remember, safe sex is being safe physically, emotionally AND mentally. You will be glad you did.
READERS: What do you think? Is sex what’s wrong with dating these days?
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
Originally published on Singles Warehouse as Sex and Dating: Why It Really DOES Matter