Something I realized not too long ago was that I was my worst dating enemy. How so? Well, I was self sabotaging my dating life through my actions and, most importantly, through my choices in men. I realized through speaking with others and trying to help them realize their full potential that countless others do the same thing. Why do we self sabotage, and, more importantly, how can we stop? One of my readers sent in this question asking the same thing …
Dear Single Dating Diva,
Something you wrote recently got me thinking. You wrote that “forever has everything to do with your choice of partner” and it made me realize that perhaps that’s why I don’t have my own “forever”. I always choose men who excite and challenge me. It’s great at first but then I end up broken hearted and alone. How can I stop this and find the one that will make me happy?
Looking For Forever
Dear Looking For Forever,
Thank you for your question. I’m really glad that what I wrote made you realize that often times we are our own worst enemy when dating. I know it took me a while to get there but when I did I was much happier for it and I now make smarter dating choices.
You need to sit down and do an inventory of the guys you date. Are there common traits? Those men than give you excitement and challenge are also the ones that you can’t hold down, but, isn’t that what you like about them? They make it easier for you not to commit. Yes, you heard me right. Every girl wants to be the hero and save her bad boy from a life of debauchery, but really, in the end you know that the whole process is only going to leave you broken hearted and alone. But you knew that already.
I’m not trying to be mean, I totally get where you’re coming from. I’m a self confessed alpha-male-aholic. I love those A type men, you know the ones, the successful, dapper, over-achievers who make waves in the world instead of just laying on the beach. The problem with them is that they don’t have time for you and you will never be important to them, just a passing ship in the night. What I learned is that what works best for me is what I like to call an “A minus”. He’s got all those alpha traits but a soft sensitive side too … and he wants to be in a relationship, he doesn’t get threatened by my strong personality and gives me stability, imagine that. That’s what you need too.
You, my friend, are the common denominator in all this. It really IS the choices you make. You need to decide what’s really important and what you really want in a partner. Match up your values and decide what you WANT to have and what you NEED to have in a partner. You might just realize you were wrong all along. Over and over you make the same mistake and it’s this vicious cycle that has to end in order for you to be happy and find your forever. Stop being miserable and choose happiness and not drama, excitement and challenge. Plain. Simple.
Readers, what do you think? Do we make our dating lives hard or easier for ourselves or is it just “our luck” that we’re unsuccessful?
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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