Normally, people will advise you to just move on and find someone else after a breakup. But sometimes, you know deep in your heart that the relationship with your ex was something special and it’s definitely worth giving another chance.
How To Get Your Ex Back After a Breakup In 3 Steps
Step 1 – Stopping Contact With Your Ex
Even though ever fiber of your body will want to call your ex and try to convince them to come back, the best course of action right now is to stop contact with your ex. I know it sounds a little counter intuitive but if you think about, it makes more sense than bombarding them with text messages and phone calls. When you don’t contact your ex, you are giving them an opportunity to miss you. You are giving them an opportunity to reflect upon the relationship. If you are constantly calling them and texting them, they will see your behavior as neediness and start pulling away. The more you push, the more they will pull away. It’s a simple law of relationships.
When you stop pushing, your ex is going to start thinking that they will lose you forever. The thought of losing you forever might be enough for your ex to want to get back together. If it’s not enough, well, we still have two more steps, don’t we?
Step 2 – A Little Soul Searching
This step might not seem very important to most people, but it’s actually the most important thing you can do right now. See, even though you might be convinced that getting your ex back is the only thing you want in your life, it could be a bad decision. It could be that you are just going through the bargaining stage of grief after breakup. Perhaps, your relationship with your ex wasn’t really as good as you are making it out to be.
When your mind is in chaos, it becomes hard to see things clearly. You must give yourself a little time calm down and think things through. Maybe you will realize that you are better off without him.
Do things that you enjoy. Make some positive changes in your life. Go out on a few dates (hint: online dating is great after breaking up) and try to become a happy person without your ex. You have to realize that you don’t need your ex to be happy. Maybe you still WANT them back, but even if you don’t get them back, you will still lead a happy and wonderful life.
Step 3 – Re-attracting Your Ex
If you’ve completed step 2 and have actually started living a happy life without your ex, then you’ve completely gotten rid of your neediness. And with this new found confidence, you are ready to re-attract your ex into your life again. The first thing you need to do is re-initiate contact with your ex. Ask them out for a simple coffee and take things slowly from there. If you have made a few positive changes in your life, then your ex will become ten times more attracted to you than they were before. Seeing you in a new light will re-ignite their feelings for you and this will probably make them want to get back together. And even if they don’t, you are still OK with it because you don’t need your ex to be happy.
K Thompson from GetYourExBackPermanently.com helps people find love again after a breakup. He believes that some relationships deserve another chance while some relationships deserve to end permanently.
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
Step 2 is soooo important. Take a little time out for yourself and figure out what you are going to do? Do you want them in your life? Can you be happy without them?
Sometimes just taking time helps…but if you do want them back consider step 3!
Thanks for your comment. Yes, step is extremely important. Just taking a little time for yourself and asking these questions can make you realize you don’t even want them.
Very true – taking time out is vital. Just gets you ready for whats next.
This all actually happened to me recently! He ended it (bc of distance, we always got along great)…I was heartbroken but didn’t make any further contact. Finally accepted it and started dating with no luck (and an occasional whine about wishing my ex would just realize what we had)… 9 months later, out of the blue, he emailed me. After a couple days of small talk texting I asked to see him for a drink and are soooo happy now!
I hope some people read this blog post and hold on that what’s meant to be, will be!
That’s an amazing story Lauren. Hope it all works out for you.
Reblogged this on RedDamsel.
I said, “I know I can get a taller guy with a bigger ___, but I want you”. That didn’t work, so I don’t recommend it…
I’ve ignored this advice once, especially step #1. I contact her all of the time. I came across as so needy and desperate that she told me to get lost. Then another time I followed this advice and it worked. In the long run though, the relationship didn’t work out. I think it has a lot to do with step #2. During the time apart, I grew a lot as a person and realized what I really wanted out of life and that didn’t mesh with what she wanted.
This article makes an assumption that the ex has not moved on. Unless a couple is young and immature odds are they will not be part of the yo-yo “on again and off again” relationship cycle. Mature people tend do some serious introspective thinking (before) deciding to breakup with someone. In other instances someone has committed a “deal breaker” in the eyes of the other person.
Secondly the article makes no mention of anyone (apologizing) to the other. Quite often breakups occur because someone was hurt or felt betrayed in some manner. If that were the case it is unlikely that suddenly the “hurt person” is going to want their ex back simply because they have not seen them in a while or they’ve improved their appearance.
Who dumped whom and (why) always matters!
If you’re in a “serious relationship” it generally means you are giving it your “best”. If for some reason it does not work out there really is nothing else (better) you can offer the “second time around”. Unless one is an immature hothead who breaks up with their mate over the slightest disagreement then the odds are the breakup probably took place because one or the other reached the conclusion they were not right for one another.
Unless by some miracle one person becomes a “new person” nothing is going to change.
I tend to subscribe to the belief that an ex is an ex for a reason and it’s usually a good reason. Your future lies ahead of you and not behind you. Personally speaking I have never broken up or divorced someone and got back together. Booty calls/friends with benefits don’t count. These people are simply hooking up with their exes because it’s “comfortable” until they find their next new love. Oftentimes people get hurt when they (believe) their ex wants to return to their exclusive relationship status only to discover that he/she wants nothing more than a “booty call” or “friends with benefits” arrangement.
As I stated earlier: Once you’ve given it your best there is nothing left to offer.
One man’s opinion! 🙂
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