Is It You or Is It Him? 5 Reasons He May Not Be Calling For a Second Date: Guest Post

Second-DateTo say that online dating can be frustrating for women would be the understatement of the century. Between the fake profiles, the manipulators, the serial daters, and let’s face it, the borderline psychopaths trolling the Internet, finding those quality men can be a tough task.

But then there are those magical nights where the man is everything you ever dreamed of. Handsome. Funny. Charming. You eagerly await his text messages and phone calls, ecstatic about the possibility of a second date. Except for one little problem. That ring never comes. Days go by. Nothing. You are left confusing and wondering, “Is it me, or is it him?”

Ah, the million dollar question. Well don’t worry ladies. As someone who has worked with thousands of men over the years, I can help you to pinpoint some indicators of whether you were dealing with a flaky serial dater, or if in fact, you are the actual reason he never returned. But first and foremost, you need to be honest with yourself. Its time for some tough love!

5 Reasons He May Not Be Calling For a Second Date

1. Was the conversation great for both of you?

When you are telling all your friends how the two of you had amazing conversation for three hours, did you take into consideration if the conversation was great for both of you? Many daters make the mistake of dominating the conversation and talking too much about themselves.

Sometimes this comes out of nervousness, other times it is just unintentional excitement. He may have seemed to be into the conversation, but was he an active part of the conversation, or just a passive bystander, politely listening to you most of the time because he couldn’t get a word in?

The Solution:

Talking time should be fairly even, and probably even lean a bit more in the other person’s direction if you really want him to be interested. As awful as this may sound, a persons favorite subject is usually him or herself. So before you run home excited about how you both talked for hours and hours, think about how engaged he actually was.

2. Were you a never-ending storyteller?

Telling stories on a first date is definitely a good thing. Stories are fun, revealing, and a great way to get to know somebody. But telling stories for the duration of nearly an entire date is not. Don’t become the person who eagerly waits for the other person to stop talking so that you could jump in with yet another “amazing” story of your own. Your date is there to have fun and get to know you, not to relive every exciting thing you’ve ever done. As great as these experiences were for you, he wasn’t a part of them.

The Solution:

Focus on creating new memories instead. Make playful bets. Go to unique places. Start up fresh conversations that are not all that common. Try to get your date to laugh. The more you create memories in the present, and stop living completely in the past, the better off you will be.

3. Are you laying all your cards on the table?

Meeting a quality guy online is about as rare as a black unicorn sighting. I get it. It’s exciting. The problem is that sometimes this excitement causes a bit too much excitement.

You start acting overly eager. Suggesting future dates when you are still on the first date. Complimenting him and telling him what a great guy he is. Asking him why he’s still single as you completely gush over him. This is all behavior that may just send a good guy running.

The Solution:

Keep it cool and don’t be an open book with your emotions. Show a little interest, but not an overwhelming amount. At the end of the day, men instinctively love the thrill of a chase. Its in our hunter DNA. So let him feel that thrill of the hunt.

4. Was your sex appeal on point?

Men are extremely visual creatures. We care about looks much more than women do. Coming to a date buttoned up from head to toe may impress your fashion-oriented friends, but it won’t impress a man. On the other hand, letting it all hang out will shift a guy into, this girl is easy, I’m just going to try to get laid mode, or, I’m never going to call her again mode.

The Solution:

Show some femininity, but keep it classy! Show a little skin, highlight your assets in ways that leave room for the imagination, and go all out when it comes to pre-date grooming, which includes hair, makeup, perfume, and nails. A sexy look will go a long way towards landing a man.

5. Did you unintentionally portray a life of boredom?

As men, one of our biggest fears is settling down into a life of boredom and monotony. When women are close-minded, extremely opinionated, constantly saying they would never do this, or never do that, men see these women as people that will grow real boring, real fast. Nobody wants to be stuck with someone who is set in his or her ways.

The Solution:

Show that you are open to a lifetime of new and amazing experiences. Talk about all the places you want to travel one day. Discuss your unique hobbies, as well as the ones you’d like to take on one day. Be open-minded with his suggestions. Have a little optimism. The more you show that a lifetime with you will be one that never grows stale, the more he will be excited at the prospect of dating you.

jpompey-logoJoshua Pompey has been featured on some of the biggest outlets in the world for his online dating advice, including Good Morning America and The Huffington Post. For more advice, visit jpompey.com, or click here to learn how Joshua’s staff can create your very own custom profile.

 

Thanks for stopping by Single Dating Diva Joshua and for your great advice!!

READERS: Do you ever wonder why you didn’t get that second date or not given a second date? I’d love to hear your stories in the comments below! 

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva

5 thoughts on “Is It You or Is It Him? 5 Reasons He May Not Be Calling For a Second Date: Guest Post

  1. Good read. I agree completely that you shouldn’t put all your cards on the table, but I was a bit surprised to read “Suggesting future dates when you are still on the first date.” listed as one of the bad behaviors. I would think expressing interest in seeing him again and even making it easier for him to decide on what to do (since you’ve suggested it) would help the process along.

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    • In reply to halfpastthirty: would “halfway” disagree with your post…agree with letting him know you are definitely interested in seeing him again, BUT recommending a specific place, even if talked about in your initial meeting, puts a little bit of restriction/pressure on his response…we think indicated interest, along with a wide open options, is better.

      halfpastthirty July 31, 2014 at 2:54 PM
      Good read. I agree completely that you shouldn’t put all your cards on the table, but I was a bit surprised to read “Suggesting future dates when you are still on the first date.” listed as one of the bad behaviors. I would think expressing interest in seeing him again and even making it easier for him to decide on what to do (since you’ve suggested it) would help the process along.

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  2. The number one reason this man doesn’t call back. The person I’m meeting doesn’t look like the person in the picture. That covers 80%. The other 20% is I just don’t think we would be a good match.

    Numbers 1 and 2 are just good people skills you should use when meeting anyone.

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  3. I would refrain from suggesting future dates, because you might come off needy and chasing, and many men don’t really like that. I just let him know at the the end of the date that it was awesome and I really liked it.

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  4. All good reasons and comments…we would add an external consideration, as well….location, location, location. Am assuming you have a vague idea at minimum of your shared interest, an initial location selection might be an arboretum for nature lovers, the local park, if that’s where you know you both jog, etc. The idea would be to set the external surrounding in such a way that you both are drawn together in a shared vibe, but of course no loud, disruptive places that get in the way of one-on-one focus and conversation.

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