OK there’s a lot of dating advice out there, we all know that. Everyone and their grandmother has a dating blog now. Some of us have been around for a long time while others are just appearing on the scene with their eureka solutions to how to get a man or a woman or a date or get laid … the list goes on and on. Some advice is good, some advice is bad … most is pretty much the same story over and over again. But how do you know which advice is good or bad? Well, it’s relative. It’s all good or bad depending on how you look at it and what you’re looking for – there are vices to dating advice so be wary because you can pretty much find every perspective you can imagine, which is good if you’re looking for someone to enable your bad behavior or support a bad decision (you know who you are!).
No “One Size Fits All” Dating Advice
The way to weed through it is to find someone who’s had similar experiences as you and gotten through it successfully. Ask yourself if they’re being objective, if you can relate to them and if they’re not giving you definitive solutions. There is no one way of doing things, it all depends on the situation, the people involved and their baggage. What works for one may not work for someone else. So what do you do? Well, take everything with a grain of salt and go with your gut. When I get a question I look at it objectively, reflect on it and answer from what I know are best practices, but it’s up to them what they do with it. I rely a lot on my academic background of interpersonal communication and dialogue as well as my experience. Something I hear often is that if you’re single you shouldn’t be giving dating advice … but let me ask you something, who knows more about dating, the person who dated a couple people, fell in love and got married and lived “happily ever after” OR the one who’s gone into the trenches and tried it all and seen it all and knows what works and what doesn’t? Ya, that’s what I thought. I don’t know about you but when I want a service done I prefer the experienced professional rather than the newbie or the know-it-all.
The Worst Dating Advice I Ever Heard
So, I’ve been around for a while and seen the good, the bad and the ugly of dating advice. The ever so lovely Dirty in Public wrote something no so long ago about the worst dating advice she has ever seen (she had some great ones in there … you should check it out). I was inspired. These are a couple of the worst ones I’ve seen floating around the internet, especially on FaceBook or all those “yay women are awesome” sites.
Find Someone Who Will Help You Unpack Your Baggage
What? Really? NO THANKS!! Deal with your own baggage BEFORE getting into a relationship with anyone. Your issues are not THEIR problem! Everyone has some relationship residue but it shouldn’t be something so heavy that needs unpacking. That isn’t a burden for your significant other to deal with. Need help? Get a therapist. No one needs to carry your load. A partner should be expected only to make your life better, to walk forward together. If you keep looking in the rear view mirror how are you going to move ahead? You’re going to keep tripping! Plain. Simple.
You Are Special and ONLY Deserve The Best
I saw this book recently that was called You Know Who’s Awesome? Not You! and after I resisted the urge to move a few of them to the “self help” aisle, I thought BRILLIANT! This seriously had to be said. Many of you have this sense of entitlement that you only deserve the one who makes the most money, who’s the most attractive, the best body, the right height, the most successful, the most virginal, the most intelligent, the most fun, the most athletic, blah, blah, blah … you know what I’m getting at. Well, let me tell you something, you’re not perfect and you’re not better than anyone (yes I know shocker!) so don’t expect someone you meet to be perfect either. If there’s something that got you interested in them in the first place give them a chance!
Sex is a Free For All
Don’t get me wrong, sex is GREAT, but, it’s also lost its significance and depth. I have been criticized before about my stance on casual sex being all fun and games until someone gets a broken heart. People also have a sense of entitlement when it comes to sex. It’s almost expected or else you’re dismissed OR if you do give in, some don’t take you seriously anymore. Many people would have you believe that sex is a free for all and you should do it when and if you please. While sex is far from a bad thing, it also can complicate things. This is where your OWN personal judgment plays a big role. You know your own boundaries and limits of what you can handle or not. Only you know if you could handle unemotional sex or if sex is something more special to you. You know when it feels right to do it with a new partner, don’t do it because you think that you will be judged if you don’t or just so that someone will like you. Be true to yourself and just remember what I always say: “safe sex is being safe physically, being safe emotionally and being safe mentally”.
Use Professional Pictures in Your Online Dating Profile
Really? C’mon!! The number one thing everyone has a problem with when meeting someone online is that they hardly ever look like their pictures! You know how many dates I’ve been on where the first thing the guy said was that he was surprised I looked like my picture!? A professional picture is not a true representation of yourself and makes you look high maintenance. I always tell my dating consultant clients to have three recent pictures, one good head shot that clearly shows their face, a full body shot in a natural setting and a photo of them doing something they love (travel, sport, hobby, etc). That always seems to work well for them, and yes, your head shot can be a selfie (just make sure it’s a nice one!).
There you have it lovelies … you might or might not agree with me and my advice but I do give it from the heart and speak from experience (and boy do I have a lot!). What’s important is that you are true to yourself and be the best person you can be. Listen to your gut and make mistakes, it’s OK because that’s how you learn. Take a risk in your love life, you never know, you might be pleasantly surprised!
READERS: What is the worst dating advice you’ve ever heard? Do you agree with my list? I would love to hear about it in the comments!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
I’m glad I’m not the only who is getting tired of these sense of entitlement people. And it seems to be getting worse. More and more women(and I suspect men) are putting it in their profiles. Things like they won’t settle for anything short of amazing. And the not so funny thing is these aren’t particularly attractive or interesting women. Makes me kind of sad. They’re going to die alone and they will blame everyone and everything for their loneliness accept for the real culprit, which is sense of entitlement.
I strongly disagree with not getting a pro for photography. I think the problem is too many people are using photographers who THINK they are pro. A good balance of relaxed/informal and formal photographs give a good representation. When I see a photo that’s been Photoshopped to death, I suspect an amateur with a professional ego is behind it. And for gawd sake stop it with the selfies. Unless you’re 18 years old that is.
Personally the worst dating advice out there is advice that relies on rules. You know, the don’t call until x number of days. Don’t do this, don’t do that. People need to do what is natural to them. This is the best way to find a compatible mate.
Everyone seems to be an expert on dating these days. Thanks for clearing the air on this topic — not everything you read on the internet is true! Talking to a dating/relationship coach is really the best way to get sound dating advice.
Great advice! With respects to dating profiles and ‘selfies’ – they can come out looking really cheesy and ridiculous if not done right. It isn’t difficult to do a selfie that doesn’t look so obvious – you can always crop it closer if your arm is showing, or even use a camera with a timer and a tripod – no one will ever know. But those lips-caught-in-the-mousetrap, pouty ‘Zoolander’ faces and bathroom mirror selfies are a joke. I’d be saying,”NEXT!”
Even worse was when I lived abroad several guys had only taken photos of their torsos, used disguises ie. wearing a helmet, or used pics of celebs instead of their own. Seriously. No clue. Duh, I know you’re not Brad Pitt, Bono, or Gerard Butler…
Like your direct style of writing. Being a dating coach myself I couldn’t agree more with what you write. tx 🙂
Wow. This is a list of real whoppers. Do people really believe this B.S.? My favorite one is: ‘Find someone to help you unpack your baggage’. Thank you for dispelling these. You are wise as a Jedi.
My favorite is “you’re special and deserve the best” – used to hear from my grandma. 🙂
I completely agree, there is no one size fits all dating advice. Some people are shy, some are outgoing, some are funny, some are level-headed. There are so many characters out there that it is virtually impossible to say that one size fits all!
Comments are closed.