I’ve been doing this dating thing for a while, sometimes successfully, sometimes quite unsuccessfully. We’ve all got some crazy dating stories but what’s it all for if not to learn about yourself and other people. I would be lying if I didn’t say that I learned some valuable lessons along the way.
Yes, I’ve been hurt, I’ve made some stupid mistakes and taken some crazy risks, but I’m still standing (and writing!). Recent discussions with people have brought to mind the dating truths my experiences have taught me. I thought I would share them with you because I really do think they might be of use to you as well. You are also welcome to share your own.
Top 5 Dating Truths My Experience Has Taught Me
Dating Truth 1: If Someone Wants To Be With You They Will Be
I don’t know how many times I’ve told people this but it’s worth saying again because I continuously get frantic emails from people wondering if someone likes them and if the person wants to be with them. Each and every time I respond that if someone wants to be with you they will be and you won’t have to wonder or wait. If their actions are causing you anxiety then chances are that they aren’t really interested.
They didn’t respond to your message? They aren’t asking you out again? They don’t want to spend time with you? They aren’t making an effort to get to know you in a real way or be part of your life? Then they just aren’t as in to you as you are into them. It sucks, I know, trust me I know, but that’s just how it is. As Dita Von Teese said “you can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches“, sorry to say not everyone is going to be enchanted by you, ya I know it sucks but what can you do. We’re dating in the age of instant gratification and it’s hard to lock someone down in any real way. So just be yourself and when and if someone appreciates that and wants more you will know because things will just flow naturally and you will be too busy enjoying each other to be stressed about it.
Dating Truth 2: Insecurity Is Your Enemy
Insecurity has led to the demise of many relationships. Why? Well, when someone is insecure they sabotage what they’ve got with someone by seeing problems where none exist. In an article I read recently, they had some valuable tips on how to overcome insecurity in relationships. What they said was that you need to be able to stop tormenting yourself by confusing your imagination with reality, you need to let go of control and be OK with uncertainty because nothing in life is certain, you need to give each other space in order to give the relationship room to breath, you need to stop mind reading and assuming what the other person is thinking and feeling, you also need to stop comparing this person / experience with your other partners or people you’ve dated because in all reality no two people are the same. What should you do? Well the author states that you need to seek self-assurance and not rely on the other person to make you feel secure, focus on what’s good and have fun with each other. Insecurity when you’re dating really is your enemy. Check your baggage at the door and experience all the good things of meeting someone new.
Dating Truth 3: There Are No Rules, Just Best Practices
We hear so many people talk about dating rules, like don’t sleep with someone until this or this happens, or do this to get them to want you more or do that to get the girl of your dreams. I call bullshit. There are no rules when it comes to dating. Rules may have worked in the past but not anymore. People do what they want, when they want and with who they want. What is more important than rules is being true to yourself. For example, I tell people that safe sex should be physically safe, emotionally safe and mentally safe. If sleeping with someone too soon is going to make you insecure then don’t do it because if they wanted to be with you and love hanging out with you sex will not sway them in either direction. If it does then they really didn’t want you in any real way to begin with so be grateful you got to see their true colors so soon. Same goes for when to contact someone, if you want to contact them contact them. If they are interested they will respond, if they aren’t then they won’t. Waiting three days won’t make them want you more. Remember, don’t play hard to get but be hard to forget. Just be true to you and everything will always fall into place where it belongs.
Dating Truth 4: Be Discreet
A mistake many people make is sharing everything with everyone. When they meet someone new they tell all the details their friends, their family, their neighbors, their co-workers and their dog. It’s on Social Media, it’s everywhere. There are countless dating blogs out there that focus on just that. I started that way, but, I always wrote about it after the fact and stopped doing it a long time ago because you know what I learned? Blabbing to the world only serves to sabotage your chances at love. It really isn’t anyone’s business what your doing and with who.
My best practice is telling certain select people when I met someone I am interested in and some basic information about why I like them and enjoy their company. That’s it. The rest is between me and the person I’m dating. Rihanna said it best, “ain’t nobody’s business but mine and my baby“. No need to shout it from the rooftops, even if you’re happy. Be discreet, you’ll be happy you did. Besides, no one needs to know your dating highs and lows, no really, they don’t.
Dating Truth 5: Listen to Your Gut
I saved the best for last. I can’t stress enough how important it is to listen to your gut when dating. I’ve learned that your gut instincts are the most important tools that you’ve got in your arsenal. You know when something is right or wrong for you, you know when something feels off, you know when to question someone’s intentions … you just know. Before making any big decisions about whether or not someone is right for you, just focus and the answer will come to you. No one knows better than you what is best for you, and I’m not talking about wishful thinking. True gut instincts is a feeling that you just KNOW, a feeling you can’t ignore, not based on emotion and often times illogical. With instincts, practice makes perfect, so trust it.
Dating Is A Risk Worth Taking
There are so many emotionally unavailable and damaged people out there in the dating world, particularly the older you get. These are people who have been hurt over and over again, people who have been used, people who are divorced, people who have intimacy issues, people who think that committing means losing their freedom or people who just haven’t grown up. This is what most of us are dealing with when we meet someone new, but still, dating is a risk worth taking. I am a big believer in “no risk, no reward” when it comes to dating because you really don’t know if something is going to work unless you try.
It’s scary, yes. You’re putting your heart on the line again, yes. You’re risking a life altering experience, yes. But you know what, you might also be gaining something much more valuable, a great partner to share your life with. You really don’t know unless you try. You should date someone who isn’t your type, you should go out of your comfort zone, you should think outside the dating box. Dating is a risk worth taking because the reward of being with the right person outweighs all the potential negatives.
So there you have it, the top 5 dating truths my experience has taught me. With each experience I learn more and more. It isn’t always pleasant, but each lesson is valuable. In the end, it’s about finding the missing puzzle piece and sharing your life with the right partner. That’s my end goal and I’m willing to take risks in order to reach it. Thing is, you really do have to take a chance, problem is that many people are afraid to risk losing their freedom or chancing a broken heart yet again. Love is worth the gamble. Just take your time, enjoy dating someone, focusing on the process and not the dating outcomes. You’ll be glad you did!
READERS: What are some dating truths that your experience has taught you? Share them in the comments below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
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