Shouldn’t your ideal partner also be your best friend? So then why do some people end up in the “friend zone” instead of in the “love zone”? Is it just bad luck or bad chemistry? Could they be doing something wrong or sending the wrong signals? I’ve been asked these questions quite often actually by frustrated men and women who can’t seem to get people to “seal the deal” with them on a romantic level but are more than happy to “be friends”. But you have enough friends, thanks, what you need is a romantic partner. So what gives? Why are you always friend zoned and how do you NOT end up in the friend zone? Let’s discuss.

If you are always ending up in the friend zone, then there’s something about the vibe you’re giving out that puts you there. It’s as simple as that. You don’t inspire or bring out the butterflies in someone else, but, they really do love hanging out with you. They do like you, just not THAT way. Perhaps it’s something you say or something you do, but there is something you can do about it.

5 Ways You Can Avoid Getting Friend-Zoned:

1. Be Clear About Intentions and Expectations

Always make it clear that you like them more than a friend and want to pursue something more than a friendship with them. Being clear about your intentions and expectations ensures that everything is out in the open and that you are on the same page as each other. If you’re not, then move on and don’t waste your time trying to change their mind. If someone wants to be with you they will be.

2. Play It Cool

Desperation and neediness are NOT attractive. Don’t be too clingy with someone you’re dating. Give them their space and make sure you have yours. They shouldn’t be your everything from the first day nor should you expect it. While you need to be attentive and responsive, do your own thing with your own people and let things grow naturally.

3. Set Clear Boundaries

Make sure that you set clear boundaries of what a friend is and isn’t to you. If they start talking about dating other people then put the brakes on immediately! You’re not their best friend, you’re someone they’re dating. If they talk to you like they do their friend then they don’t see you romantically, especially if they tell you about other people they’re dating or complain about other dates. Someone who wants to be with you won’t have those conversations with you. Plain. Simple. Move on.

4. Don’t Be Their Friend

While you want to have a friendship with your partner, you need to be careful to not be their friend rather than their partner. If you see that things are moving in the friendship direction where you talk and hang out but not really progressing romantically don’t let it continue. Don’t expect it to grow into something more if you’re patient. Also, don’t be the nice person thinking it will change them, whether intentionally or not, they will take advantage of your kindness and it won’t get you any further with them.

5. Be Aware of Chemistry

You need to be aware of what sort of romantic chemistry you have together. Do you both have butterflies and are excited to spend time with each other? Are you physically attracted to each other? Have you kissed? Have you been intimate? Do you even want to? Do they? That’s what distinguishes a romantic partner from a friend. If they don’t want to kiss you or eventually be intimate then that’s definitely a sign that they don’t see you THAT way. In that case, it’s time to re-evaluate.

So there you have it, 5 ways you can avoid getting friend-zoned. You teach people how to treat you so don’t settle for anything less than what you want. If they don’t want the same thing then move on because someone else will. Don’t waste your time with someone thinking they will “come around”. Don’t let loneliness cloud your judgement when dating. You deserve your happily ever after, believe it and work for it. Your confidence will take you a long way in this situation as well, know your worth and so will they.

Have a dating dilemma? You can always Ask Single Dating Diva a confidential dating question on http://singledatingdiva.com.

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Originally appeared on eHarmony Canada.