Is Physical Attraction Important When Dating?


This week one of my clients asked me if I thought they were being unreasonable with their dealmakers and dealbreakers. They had completed my eWorkBook (click here for your free copy) and it got them thinking. They were wondering how important physical attraction really was when dating. Is anything really that unreasonable? Well, I think when it comes to attraction, you can’t really help who floats your boat. However, there are different levels of attraction and everyone’s different. There are some people that are just next level attractive and most people will be attracted to them. But, these people are usually unattainable for most. Some people suddenly become attractive after you spend more time with them. The thing is, you can’t help who you’re attracted to. You’re either attracted to someone or you’re not. It’s really that simple. But is physical attraction important when dating? I say yes.

Is Physical Attraction Important When Dating?

Yes, yes it is. I’ll tell you why. Physical attraction is important when dating because you NEED to be attracted to your partner. If you’re not attracted to your partner you will have major problems later on in the relationship. DO NOT settle because you’re lonely or feel pressured by others. I recently read a really interesting article titled “The Consequences of No Physical Attraction” in which the author discussed how important physical attraction is in a relationship from his experience as a therapist. He lists several repercussions of settling for someone you’re really not attracted to, so, essentially being with someone for all the wrong reasons.

These are… decreased sexual desire / sex life with their partner (they have to turn you on!), cheating (it’s harder to resist someone you’re finally attracted to or who makes you feel desired), nitpicking (the unhappy partner gets naggy and picks on the most insignificant things), pulling away (both physical and emotional distance from partner), lack of respect (insulting a partner in public or private, constantly comparing them to others), and lack of affection (no physical contact or human touch, no proximity). This is a sad state. This isn’t the relationship you’ve always wanted. Physical attraction at some level IS important. It is what it is, don’t make excuses. This also works both ways so make sure when you’re dating you ALWAYS market yourself in the best way possible so that you don’t get looked over. Look matter. Don’t kid yourselves and say “they should like me for me”, sure but you have to attract them first! Be yourself but be your BEST self when dating and putting yourself out there.

Attraction Means Different Things To Different People

Attraction really does mean different things to different people. What this means is that what I find attractive isn’t necessarily what you find attractive and there’s absolutely nothing the matter with that. That’s the beauty of humanity, no two people are the same. We all might have a type but some people gain esteem in our eyes over time sometimes as well. That’s why I encourage people to give people a chance if you’re sort of attracted to them but you’re not sure. If you’re totally unattracted to someone then don’t waste your time or theirs. A study out of the University of Texas found that attraction can grow over time, especially for people you’re more “familiar” with.

They found that “the longer the couples had known each other before they started dating, the less likely they were to “match” in their level of attractiveness. Couples who were friends before they became romantically involved were also less likely to be matched on attractiveness than couples who started dating within a month of meeting.” We’re conditioned to make snap judgments about people based on attractiveness, that’s what online dating and social media is all about, those with the best pictures have the most success, but, maybe, just maybe, there’s something to being friends first. This is not to say that physical attraction isn’t important, it still is, but manifests itself differently for different people and in different situations.

People typically choose those who have similar physical, behavioral and psychological characteristics according to research, so can you choose someone out of your league? Well, you can try but be realistic in your choices, you are who you are and they also have to be attracted to you, remember that. In this age of instant gratification and “hot or not” dating apps, you have to stand out from the crowd. Image is EVERYTHING! Attracted to models and really want to date them? Then you’re going to have to bring the hotness factor up a notch. Really want that guy with a hot bod? Then you’re going to need to hit the gym and look your best. Manage your expectations and put out your best you and you will eventually reach your desired destination. Perhaps even look around you, there may be someone you’re incredibly compatible with that you’ve overlooked – they may be JUST what you were looking for. Food for thought.

Think you’re going to be forever alone? I’ve released my new workbook to help you attract the love you desire AND IT’S FREE… if you’re interested in receiving a free copy then click HERE and register your name, tell your friends too because this is a VERY VALUABLE resource! You CAN increase your datability and chances at your very own happily ever after (just like my clients AND me!), you just have to choose to get out of your comfort zone and start thinking strategically. I’ll show you how!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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  1. This is so true and glad to see an article about this that isn’t “date someone you aren’t attracted to”. For some unexplained reason I mostly got guys I wasn’t attracted to. I’m talking ugliest of the ugly. I later found out that many guys liked me but assumed because I was pretty (I was a model)that I wouldn’t have dated them. Anyway, since I didn’t know about these guys I felt desperate and dated many guys I wasn’t even remotely attracted to. I’m talking one guy who was so fat he wobbled and turned out to be a con artist. Another guy as a person is fine (I still talk to him 25+ years after dating)but found him so repulsive I would close my eyes when kissing. I dated them and a few others I felt grossed out by because I had low self esteem and even though I was beautiful, I didn’t realize it at the time. I got so much flack for it, but when I did online dating I had a lot of extremely ugly and obese men contact me and I immediately said no. I had comments like I’ll be alone but I don’t want to go through that again where I date someone I don’t like just to have a boyfriend. Sure, maybe these guys would be nice (though experience tells me ugly and fat guys aren’t nice), but I don’t want to know them for years in the hope something happens. Having said that, I do have a friend I am attracted to who many would call ugly (short, for example)but I am attracted to him.


  2. This a great article to read. Yes Physical Attraction is definitely important in Dating. Come on, why would you date a guy or girl if you’re not physically attracted to him/her? I have been single for a long time and meet a few good looking guys back in college. Yes I admit they’re cute and handsome but I don’t feel the attraction or sparks, it would be bad to date them just to have a boyfriend. So I am enjoying the single life for now 😀


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