Are You Dating Competitively?


In the wake of the recent Olympic games, I was thinking – all the athletes competing, whether they won a medal or not, are world class. They worked so hard to be the best and put out their very best effort to be better than their competitors – to get on that podium. They pushed themselves further and further and didn’t let any of their shortcomings or previous losses stop them from still going out there and doing their very best. It’s those who worked the hardest and put their very best foot forward that reached their goals. They were competitive and used this competitiveness to win. The dating world, whether you like it or not, is really the same. If you’re not dating competitively then you’re being left behind. You need to stand out from the crowd in order to succeed. It’s the reality of the current dating climate. How do you date competitively? It’s about ensuring you’re putting out your best. Read on to find out more.

Are You Dating Competitively?

Competing is a normal part of life. We compete for jobs, we compete in our activities, we compete in school, we even compete with ourselves sometimes. It’s just important to be compete in a positive way. Healthy competition is not negative and doesn’t include stepping on other people or hurting others, it just means you’re being your best self and standing out from the crowd. Let’s face it, online dating and social media have provided people all over the world so many options to connect with people they wouldn’t have otherwise met. This reality is both a positive and a negative. The problem is that instead of having a limited amount of competition you have countless people competing for the same things (and people). This means singles who don’t adequately market themselves are left behind, even if they are great people who could make someone very happy. What’s the solution? Dating competitively.

10 Best Practices For Dating Competitively

  1. Identify your goals
    When you envision what you want exactly and identify your dealmakers and dealbreakers clearly, you are better able to narrow down the most compatible individuals and spend your energy on them. (see my workbook for more information on how to do this correctly)
  2. Know yourself and what makes you unique and stand out from the crowd
    The important thing here is not to be generic, you have to be special in some way to capture attention. Think about your accomplishments, experiences and adventures – knowing what makes you different and special will in turn make you more confident and proud (not cocky or arrogant). This attitude will make you a magnet to others.
  3. Be aware of the needs of others
    When you’re alert and sensitive to your date / potential date’s needs, listen actively and be pro-active with appropriate questions, prepare interesting discussion topics and plan dates related to interests they’ve mentioned then it will definitely make you stand out from the crowd … essentially don’t take them for granted and make them feel important and special by showing you’ve paid attention to them.
  4. Stay positive and grateful
    Always see each date or potential date as a learning opportunity rather than putting too much weight on it or overthinking it. Enjoy the process. Also, be very grateful for everything and show gratitude to those you interact with (even for the little things), not only is it polite, it will give you a competitive edge because they’ll feel special and appreciated. Putting out positive grateful energy attracts the same in others, people want to be around positive grateful people, not negative complaining people.
  5. Challenge yourself
    Always aim to do better and keep trying and trying until you succeed, learn from your mistakes and don’t repeat them, never play the victim or feel sorry for yourself. Remember that you don’t have bad luck in love, you just make bad dating choices and aren’t being your best self on dates and you know it.
  6. Be your best self (physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally)
    Everyone says “I want them to want me for me” or “I should be able to be myself with someone” … sure you do BUT you need to be your BEST self when you’re putting yourself out there and initially dating someone, this doesn’t mean pretending to be someone you’re not but it does mean showing them what great things you have to offer – kind of like when you were small and your parents made you be on your best behavior, same thing here.
  7. Drop the baggage
    If you’ve got baggage unpack it and deal with it BEFORE dating, it will only get in your way and paint you in a negative light.
  8. Drop the sense of entitlement
    Don’t kid yourself, just because YOU think you’re a catch doesn’t mean you are to others, if you think this way then you need a serious attitude adjustment.
  9. Be patient
    Good things really do take time, if you date competitively and date smart then you will achieve your goals, once you’ve adjusted your perspective you’ll begin to see what works for you and you can continue on that path.
  10. Be realistic
    Set realistic goals, for example, someone non-athletic but who likes to swim occasionally can’t compete in the Olympics, it’s just not possible, in the same way if you want to date quality, you have to be quality.

These are just some ways of dating competitively. It’s all about state of mind. You can’t deny that it is becoming increasingly important to market yourself effectively in the dating world – online AND offline. So ask yourself, what can you do differently to be more competitive?

READERS: Do you date competitively? Are you noticing the dating world is more difficult and competitive? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Need some help dating competitively? I’ve released my new workbook to help you attract the love you desire AND IT’S FREE… if you’re interested in receiving a free copy then click HERE and register your name, tell your friends too because this is a VERY VALUABLE resource! You CAN increase your datability and chances at your very own happily ever after (just like my clients AND me!), you just have to choose to get out of your comfort zone and start thinking strategically. I’ll show you how!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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  1. Interesting article. I do think though that two of them contradict. For instance knowing your goals and staying positive might be contradicting. What I mean by this is if someone has a deal breaker they should stay with it and not just date someone not fitting it. On a message board I used to frequent someone told me I should date a dad one time. This isn’t fair because I’m not changing on this and going one time gives them encouragement.


    • Thanks Dawn. But how does knowing your goals and staying positive contradict? You need to know what you want in a partner and don’t sway from that but you also need to remain a positive person and have a positive attitude, it doesn’t mean dating someone that’s your dealbreaker.


      • I think I was thinking more of the comment I mentioned where they told me I should date all kinds of people, including people not fitting my dealbreaker. I think because they told me not to look at every date as a relationship but rather a learning experience. I’m sure you didn’t mean that, it just reminded me of that. Having said that, I am pretty open to going on dates with guys I’m sure won’t be more because you never know. Not to mention they might be a great friend.


  2. The article is a very interesting read. I haven’t thought that we can be competitive in dating. These tips are quite helpful as well. 🙂 I will look forward on to your next post.


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