These posts are meant to lead you be your most empowered self and help you overcome those things that are holding you back from reaching your goals. Some of this might resonate with you, or not, and I’m not here to judge anyone or their actions, only to give you something to think about.
Trauma is everywhere and we have all suffered some sort of trauma in our lives. Some, regrettably, more than others. While some trauma survivors have pushed through the storm and come out the other side stronger, others choose to relive this trauma repeatedly. Yes, victims do legitimately exist because bad people exist.
Having a victim mentality is using the trauma they experienced as an excuse for bad behavior, as an attention grabber or even to get sympathy from others. Instead of being empowered by it, they live in it as long as they can. For these people every bad thing that happens to them is because of their trauma. It is their fallback excuse for everything. Doing this gives others your power, so you need to take your power back!
Recognizing this behavior in yourself is the first step to healing from it. Whether it is working with a therapist or working on it another way, healing from your trauma will bring you to a much better place. It does not happen overnight and will not be easy, but it will be worth it. It begins with forgiving yourself and others to make it easier to let go and live your life detached from your trauma, stepping out of the darkness and into the light. You deserve that.
Those who have a victim mentality always see life as unfair to them. They feel they have to work harder or they have less opportunities or even have bad luck because of some event from their past. In their minds, they are cursed. They are always wronged and persecuted. It is them against the world. Is it true, perhaps yes because they often create this reality that they are in. They like being the victim. It gives them a reason why things do not work out for them when really what they need is a change of perspective. Remember that “life is not unfair … life is what you make of it.” [said by Hrithik Roshan] This quote really motivates me to change my own thinking and perspective and I want you to reflect on it as well.
Lessons learned is a foreign concept to those with a victim mentality. Instead of healing and learning from the trauma they experienced, they use it to their advantage. It is serving them well. For example, someone who speaks about their trauma – whether it is childhood trauma or even a current illness – to someone they just meet to get their sympathy. There is nothing wrong with sharing your story from an empowered place to teach others but this is not what they are doing.
They are, instead, using their trauma for sympathy and as a result self-sabotaging because most people do not feel sorry for them, rather they avoid people with perceived baggage (especially when looking for love or someone to hire for a job). You can also attract the worst people into your life when you’re demonstrating your vulnerability from trauma. So be aware about what you put out there because it might not be getting you what you are looking for.
Those who have victim mentality always play the blame game. They are quick to criticize others but rarely look within themselves for any accountability or a solution. They do not take responsibility for their actions. For example, someone might deflect all the blame of a failed relationship to the other person without acknowledging the part they played in it. They make excuses for not actually taking action or being part of the solution.
“The devil made me do it” is not a valid excuse and by being accountable for your actions and choices makes you stronger and demonstrates that you are empowered and confident. No one is ever responsible for the choices you make other than you. If you were tempted by someone else to do something you would not normally do, then that is still on you because you chose to do it. Note that I am not speaking about being coerced or forced to do something against your will.
Victims are more often than not passive aggressive. Instead of having an open and direct conversation with you about a disagreement or problem, they avoid and even manipulate the situation to make the blame fall on you rather than it being about them. It is very destructive behavior because of the disconnect between their actions and words. They are never responsible for the problem, you are. This is master manipulation in action! Instead, you should always be open and honest about your thoughts and feelings, communicating openly but non-confrontationally about anything that needs to be discussed with someone else. This avoids confusion and helps forge stronger relationships or ends those relationships that have ended their course.
Those with victim mentality more often than not see themselves as morally superior to others. They essentially see others’ actions as immoral compared to themselves. Everything is “black and white” with no room for gray areas. They will judge people on continual basis. They will also turn their noses up at others. Others are never as good as them because they have a warped sense of reality or even big picture.
When someone they perceive as morally inferior to them get good things in their life they usually have an atypical response to it. They can also use this opportunity to attack others in the worst ways. At the most extreme, we see this in those people who use this sense of moral superiority to justify violent actions against those they perceive as immoral. We have seen this type of violence against women, ethnic groups, the BIPOC group, LGBTQ2S individuals as well as others.
- People with a victim mentality see life as unfair; it is them against the world. This mentality gives them an excuse for why things do not work out for them.
- Instead of healing and learning from their trauma, those with a victim mentality use it to their perceived advantage, which more often than not sabotages their efforts at connecting in a real way with people.
- Playing the blame game and not taking accountability are key traits of someone with victim mentality. They are never part of the solution because it is always the other person’s fault.
- Passive aggressiveness is the specialty of those with victim mentality. They do not confront you head on; rather, they manipulate situations and then place the blame on you for being the problem all along.
- Those with victim mentality often see themselves as morally superior to others. They are significantly judgier towards others and use this as a reason to dislike or even hate them.
TRY THIS: Think of any traumatic event in your life that you always go back to and determine how you use it in your life. Ask yourself why you have not let go or sought out help to move on from it. Seek therapy if necessary.
POST IT NOTE: I am not a victim
Click for recorded segment exclusively on BlastTheRadio.com: VICTIM [7:55 mins]
READERS: What are your thoughts on this? Please share in the comments!