Seeking Validation [Lessons Learned]

These posts are meant to lead you be your most empowered self and help you overcome those things that are holding you back from reaching your goals. Some of this might resonate with you, or not, and I’m not here to judge anyone or their actions, only to give you something to think about.

Many times, we define ourselves by the opinions of others and seek validation from them. Whether it is in our personal or professional lives, this can lead to very toxic relationships and a declining of self-esteem. Your people pleasing will undoubtedly steer you off course and lead you on the wrong path for you. Think of seeking validation as a cage, when you are focused on other people’s opinions of you, you can be stuck in that cage forever, waiting for the next person to nourish you. Instead, be free and nourish yourself, fill your own cup.

Stop giving others your power. Restrain yourself from being obsessed with how many likes your post had and how many people called you gorgeous, rather focus on what you can do to make yourself feel good without the validation of others. I love the quote “before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself” by Greg Behrendt because it really inspires me, and I hope you as well, to find validation inside myself.

Seeking approval

When you seek validation from others, you are asking them (consciously or subconsciously) to validate things like your choices, values, beliefs, feelings, thoughts and your actions. You want their approval for whatever you are doing. You end up doing and saying things to get this approval, even if it contradicts with your own ethics or values. The approval means more than any red flag or gut instinct that you have.

Need for acceptance

Seeking validation is based in the need to be liked and accepted or even give you a sense of belonging. People pleasers usually fit into this category. They will go with the crowd just to fit in, even if it does not reflect their inner beliefs or values. Again, the approval others means more than expressing who they truly are. These “yes” people would rather do things that make them feel accepted.

Self-worth

Having self-worth know they are worthy of all good things, especially the love and acceptance of others. Those with a lower self-worth usually have a lower confidence and a negative sense of self. Our self-worth is affected in a large way by the level of validation we seek from others. The more validation we seek, the lower our self-worth. We end up prioritizing other people’s opinions and as a result we neglect our own. Because of this, we can lose our identity as well as our confidence.

Fill your own cup

Finding confidence within yourself, believing in your abilities and your value is completely undermined by caring what others think of you. Fill your own cup and stop looking to others to fill it for you because no one will ever fill it with what will make you most happy and fulfilled. Doing this will make you much more satisfied in life. Finding validation within yourself will also lead you to making better decisions for yourself and, as a result, live a more fruitful life.

Social Media

Social media gives us a plethora of examples of people seeking validation. Every “like” or “comment” or compliment you receive online is everything for some people. This is fuelled by the need to accepted by others, even if they are strangers. Ask yourself, have you ever had a sense of rejection or felt bad that you did not get a lot of likes on something you posted? If yes, then you were seeking validation from others and not getting it affected your mental health. Influencers or internet “models” spend a lot of money, time and energy on getting that perfect shot. They base their EVERYTHING on this. While it has become a lucrative business for some, it has led others to severe mental health issues and some to even taking their own life. Think about that for a moment.

Your Takeaway

When you seek validation from others, you are asking them (consciously or subconsciously) to validate or approve things like your choices, values, beliefs, feelings, thoughts and your actions.
Seeking validation is based in the need to be liked and accepted or even give you a sense of belonging.
Seeking validation has a direct correlation to our self-worth. The more validation we seek, the more we prioritize others and the lower our self-worth.
When you learn to fill your own cup, you start diminishing the importance of others’ opinion of you. Stop undermining your mental health and well-being by allowing others to put their trash in your cup.
Social media is a cesspool of people seeking validation. Whether it is the influencer or internet “model” selling their soul for the perfect shot or the voyeurs watching them, seeking validation affects people’s mental health.