Suzie

Goodbye Mr. R (Consistently Inconsistent)

For those of you not familiar with Mr. R … here is a glimpse of some things I’ve written about him …

So basically he’s my “Mr. Big”, well sort of.  I have been sitting here for almost a year and a half playing the fool waiting for him to want me for something more than what we are … what are we? Damned if I know … more than friends but less than a relationship.  It’s not like I haven’t dated anyone else (as you see from my blog) but he certainly has played a part in holding me back.  How? Well because he is my ideal man and I compare everyone to him.  He is what I’ve always wanted in every way in a person (except for the inconsistent part, his selfishness and his broken promises). So if that exists, why should I settle for anything less? Especially when he’s within my grasp? But the asshole is covered in oil and keeps slipping from my hands.  I can’t hold on to him.  Sometimes I think “is something wrong with me”? Or is something wrong with him?  I know my friends will jump to say “it’s him!” … but still I can’t help but feel perhaps he didn’t feel I was  good enough for him.  OK, cue the chorus “no you’re TOO good for him”.  OK, you said it, now let’s continue.

It’s not every day you find what you want.  Also, add to that an amazing connection with that person both physically and emotionally.  It’s not my imagination.  Those who know me well know what a realist I am.  I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t feel it strongly. Those who read my blog also know that I am the first to kick them to the curb if need be.  I’m not shy.  If I could kick my ex-husband to the curb I could kick anyone to the curb.  Except this guy.  Never in my whole life have I felt what I feel for him.  It’s not love either, I don’t do the infatuation thing.  The connection is unreal.  He gets me, I get him.  We are very much alike, kind of “yin and yang” (he’s the darker half of course 😉 ).  I didn’t even feel this connection with my ex-husband (obviously) or even those I’ve deeply loved before.  Soulmates? Maybe.  Heard it all before, right?  Well, it’s true.  So how do you disconnect from something that’s become such an integrated part of you? Damned if I know! I guess it’s just one step at a time.  Like everything else.  But I’ve been slowly disconnecting for a while now.

I had a dream recently that all my deepest fears and insecurities about him were true.  I woke up in a cold sweat.  That sealed the deal for me.  It just makes me very sad.  Like losing a vital organ in your body.  But that organ is infected, it’s poisoning my whole body and it has to go.  The stress in my life is making me very ill and affecting the quality of my life.  What do they say? It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.  Well, I’m hurt.

Who am I kidding … you think I’m going to be able to do it? Well, I’m going to have to.  You know, I wrote this over a month ago … but I’m finally ready to make the commitment … it’s over.  I’ve reached my limit.  Time to move on.

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva

8 comments

  1. i know how you feel. i have one of those. if you know how to kick them out of yoru system, share a little advice. i’ve been stuck on mine for much. much. longer than i would care to admit. ever. he’s moved on quite nicely- (ha with someone waaay less intelligent, but whatever;) ) . I’ve continued living my life, dating, relationships, but he’s still that echo of a ghost that reappears everywhere. I’m convinced they only leave us when we find someone that gives us better company. thats the only thing i can think of.

    either way- you’re doing the right thing. cut him off. if there’s ever any chance in the universe he might pursue you, you have to draw your boundaries and push back, and kick him out. he needs to grow up on his own time. and, much as i hate to admit- when a dude really wants something he chases like crazy. if he’s not full out chasing, its because he’s undecided or not intersted enough.
    i hate that truth. i’ll let you know when i’ve accepted my own advice, k? 🙂
    xox

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    • thanks for sharing … sometimes we just have to take care of ourselves and stop investing so much energy in a lost cause. Here’s hoping we both end up with a happily ever after … whatever that looks like!

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  2. NOT to sound too new-agey, but sometimes I think in situations like that (where you have an amazing connection, but you think/know it’s not meant to be) you have to wonder if you knew each other in a past life or something. Of course, it could always just be pure lust… because lust and love are two very separate entities! 😛

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    • I totally agree … how frustrating! We all spend our lives seeking that special someone who we totally connect with and then I meet him and it’s such a messed up situation. Perhaps we’ll meet again in the next life and it will work? Thanks so much for your comment!

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  3. I know that feeling! When seing him, your legs shake, your knees knock against one another, your heart is pounding, cold sweat and so on. Even if you closed your door (phone, email, etc.) to him, life brings you a curve and next thing you know, you see him in a public place.

    But one day, for whatever reason, you get enough strength to say and act, it’s enough. I deserve better than all of this. I’a a better person and he does not deserve me at all. Not even in thoughts. I kept repeating myself out loud in the morning shower: You “guy’s name”, get out of my life for ever! It works, believe me.

    Now, when we cross path, I don’t see him. Hard to explain. He’s just another dude. As if I never met him before.

    Don’t loose faith in your girl power. You will find a way, I certain.

    Been there, done that! Lol!

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    • I totally feel you. It’s soooo hard! But you’re right, I have to stay strong. Sometimes it has to be ALL ABOUT ME! I need something he isn’t giving, so I have to find it elsewhere. It’s really simple when you think about it … it just isn’t easy. Thanks so much for your comment 🙂

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  5. I totally feel you. I was involved with a guy who said he was unsure of whether to enter into a relationship with me. He even had the guts to told me he MAY date other girls and apologized after I ignored him for days and agreed to exclusive dating. Now fast forward 2 weeks, I have told him to contact me only if he is sure about us. And he asked me if I wanna try out. What does he mean by try out?!?!?

    Anyway I have deleted him from social media and my phone. He needs to work his way back if he really wants it. Seriously all these men need to be kicked out of our life

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