We all want that great love story. That love story that makes everyone’s heart melt. That’s why we get swept up in those ever so enticing whirlwind romances. You know the ones – love at first sight, you’re just crazy about each other, you want to spend every moment with each other, you just can’t get enough, you think “where have you been all my life?”, you can’t imagine your life without them, you can’t believe how lucky you are, it’s like a high you never want to end, red flags? what red flags? they’re PERFECT … you’re in love, right? WRONG! It’s not love my friends, it’s infatuation. You know I’m right. What the difference? An infatuation is an intense but short-lived passion or strong feelings for someone. Key word here is “short-lived”. Did I just rain on your parade? But let’s be honest here … when you’ve had these feelings doesn’t it come crashing down just as fast? Uh huh. So how does infatuation in dating cloud your judgement? Glad you asked 😉
How Infatuation in Dating Clouds Judgment
I was reading a very interesting article in Psychology Today about The Deceptive Power of Love’s First Moments, in it the author speaks of various studies that have shown that regardless of “how good the match, the strong sexualized draw of infatuation is only a temporary phenomenon associated with newness and insecurity“. She goes on to say that “love is blind while you are in the initial infatuation stage. After that, clarity about reality tends to emerge. Continuing to love someone is likely to depend on how suitable that person is as a partner in the project of living“. Powerful words. So it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of it all but then reality inevitably rears its ugly head. Then what do you do? This is when things typically come crashing down and all of a sudden your fairy tale romance becomes a horror story with ghosting and insanity.
These are some red flags when it comes to infatuation in dating:
- The infatuation is the whole relationship. There is no depth or commonalities between you beyond the infatuation.
- You’re so caught up in the chemistry of initial attraction that you miss the red flags and their true personality.
- You’re crazy about them while knowing full well that the person is bad for you.
- You’re committed but not fully committed because you think about others and wonder about greener grass.
- You know at some level that you are wasting your time with this person that you would never otherwise have a long term relationship with.
Been there? Done that? Got the t-shirt? Yup! We ALL have. I get it, when you meet that person who blows you away you get excited, especially if you’re dating life has been boring and unfruitful until then, but you have to date smart and avoid infatuation in dating.
How To Avoid Infatuation in Dating
Good news, there IS hope! You need to snap out of it early on and use your better judgment. That is why I tell people that In Dating, Slow and Steady Wins the Race, NOT a Whirlwind Romance! When things are going too quickly you miss a lot of important qualities about the person, worst of all you ignore red flags. I know, I’ve been there more times than I’d like to admit. Then I realized that Focusing on the Process NOT the Dating Outcomes is the ONLY way to be successful at dating and partner selection. The problem is that dating seems to be more about instant gratification than forging long term connections. When these whirlwind people are done with one person they start looking for their next high and do it over and over again in one vicious cycle after another. How exhausting!
So what’s the solution? The solution is to date smart. It’s also to be selective with who you date. Take it slow, even if you’re crazy about each other. Have sex when you’re ready physically, mentally and emotionally. Dating can be fun and we all really do want that great love story, but, let’s dip our toes in reality for just a moment and realize that great love stories are those that have effort, time and lots of patience. You’ll get there, you’ll see.
READERS: Have you ever confused infatuation with love when dating? Has it clouded your judgment? Tell us more in the comments below!
Your Sister in Dating Bliss,
Single Dating Diva
Copyright Single Dating Diva
I agree. I remember a short term affair that was so sizzling. Talking wanting sex all the time. Months later I realized all that was there was sex. we didn’t really have much in common outside of sex. Now I want a friend first.
Yeah, I used to get infatuation confused all the time! It’s hard when you’re just getting to know someone and you get all the butterflies. It used to cloud my judgment but after the newness wore off I started seeing straight. That’s why I think there should be long courtships before marriage.
I have absolutely been caught up in infatuation before, thinking that I had this awesome love story with this person, but it turns out that the “fairy tale” was more of a short story than a novel, lol. The infatuation wore off and then I started to see the real person and RAN as fast as I could! Great article 🙂
This is exactly why I’m all about settlefree because if a person is okay with being in a mediocre relationship many times they won’t see past the infatuation part and allow any old thing to block them from what matters most.
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