Wait a minute? Isn’t love supposed to feel good? Ya, that’s what I thought, everyone wants to love, right? I just recently wrote about my different perspective on love. I just think romantic love is somewhat over-rated and causes more harm then good. We want the big love story we see on TV and at the movies, but that’s not what love really is. It’s so much more than that. What is my definition of love?

Love is the complete epitome of unselfishness. There I said it, unselfish. Is that even in people’s vocabulary anymore? I think society has gone in the direction of “me, me, me” and is less giving than before. It’s all about “what’s in it for me?”. That’s what we’re doing when seeking a mate. They have to fit in to our lives. We also have to fit into theirs. But once we’re there, does the selfishness end? Hmm, good question. We think we love someone unconditionally, but when times get tough, what happens? Do we stick it out or give up? I, personally, am a fighter. If I truly love someone I don’t give up until there is absolutely no hope as I did in my ex-marriage. As our marriage therapist put it, I was “pulling the train and he was sitting in the caboose with his feet up”.

But can you love someone too much to the point of obsession? I think that’s possible too. But then, is it really love? I don’t know if it is. You would give up your life for this person just to make them happy. That is unselfishness … or so it seems. But is it healthy to love someone that much? That’s what I call loving someone until it hurts. It’s hurting you. There has to be a point where you stop and think, is it worth it? Is complete selfless love the way to go?

I think that there has to be a “happy medium”. Love should definitely be selfless and selfish at the same time. Doesn’t make sense? Sure it does. The one you love should be the centre of your world and take priority in your life. You need to focus on making them happy. But you also have to be happy. If this relationship isn’t reciprocal, then what’s the point? It goes both ways … you make them happy, they make you happy. You do things for them, they do things for you. It has to be a mutual love that is mutually beneficial.

What about me? There is no room in my life for loving someone until it hurts and there is no room for fickle love. It’s all or nothing. Love me right and I will love you back. You shouldn’t settle for anything other than … true love!

Stirring the Dating Sauce,

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

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