Ask Single Dating Diva: Intellectual vs Physical Attraction

I got this question recently from a friend of mine who was discussing the topic with a friend of his … I thought it was a great question and discussed it with some of my friends … would love to know your thoughts in the comments!!

intellectual vs physical attraction

Dear Single Dating Diva,

What are the implications of dating someone who you like very much, but who does not necessarily stimulate you intellectually?  Can it last?


Physical Philanderer

Intellectual vs Physical Attraction

Dear Physical Philanderer,

Thank you for your question, it’s a great one and gave me something to think about.  After some reflection and asking around, I think I have an answer for you … well, sort of.  My answer? Well, it depends what it is you’re looking for.  Different people like different things.  Not really an answer? Hear me out though …

Some people really don’t want a partner who stimulates them intellectually, their work or their life fulfills that need for them sufficiently.  For them it is more important to have that physical “vava voom” from their partner.  They want the arm candy, they don’t care about the intellectual stimulation … they want plenty of the other kind of stimulation, and that’s great if that’s what they want and their partner fulfills that.  On the other hand, there are some people who really need that partner who will debate with them, or contribute to intellectual conversations about whatever they are interested in, they want someone educated and well read.  For that person, the intellectual attraction plays a major role in being physically attracted to their partner.  Their sexy mind makes for some great sexy time.  This, too, is totally great if that’s what they want.  Like I said, each person is different.

Ask-Single-Dating-DivaWhen polling the people I know, most said they would prefer a more well rounded person.  Someone they were both intellectually and physically attracted to.  They also said that it depended on what type of relationship they were seeking at the time too.  For example, if they were looking for some fun and not a relationship, they didn’t really care about the intellectual part because it was going to be a short term fling anyway.  However, when looking for a partner with long term potential then they needed both the intellectual and physical attraction.  If you’re not fulfilled, then, you are more likely to get bored, or, even, cheat. Personally, I feel the same, I like to think I’m well rounded which is what I wrote in my post “Top 5 Reason You Should Date Me” and I want the same in a partner.

To be completely honest, I think the fact that you’re even asking the question means you are having second thoughts about your dating relationship.  It seems that you are enjoying your partner physically, but intellectually? Not so much. I always encourage people to not settle for anything but the package they are looking for, the one that will fulfill them.  This package is quite different for different people, so you need to ask yourself, does this person meet all my needs? Do they stimulate me physically, intellectually and emotionally as much as I need?  You know the answer, you just need to ask yourself if it’s worth it.  Best of luck!!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva

One comment

  1. Couldn’t agree more, Diva! Pursuing a meaningful relationship with someone that does not inspire or attract you intellectually is futile. The physical fire will fade and when that occurs, you may find yourself looking across the table at someone who leaves you feeling unfulfilled and utterly bored. Best advice is enjoy the moment but realize it’s just a moment; however, be honest with yourself and your partner to avoid hard feelings.


Comments are closed.