Ask Single Dating Diva: Does Friends With Benefits Work?

Single? Dating? No good prospects? Yup, I know how that feels! Is it making one of your friends look a little more attractive?  Making you think twice about them?  In your dry spell, can you take advantage of the resources you already have without it getting messy? In other words, does “friends with benefits” work? I am here to tell you to hold the brakes for a moment before you go full speed ahead.  There are some considerations you need to make before taking that fateful step.  Here is one question I recently received from one of my readers.

Dear Single Dating Diva,

friends with benefits, booty callI got propositioned by a friend of mine to have sex.  We have been friends for a while and hang out a lot.  We’re both single and have nothing good on the horizon.  We date other people but don’t have an interest in dating each other. I have to be honest, I’m going through a dry spell so I’m tempted to accept the offer.  I’m just afraid of losing the friendship.  Does friends with benefits ever work?

Friendly Frolicker  

Friends With Benefits: Complicated But Not Impossible

Dear Friendly Frolicker,

Friends with benefits, what does that mean?  Essentially, it’s more than a booty call but less than a relationship.  It’s no strings attached casual sex with someone who is a friend.  Usually, these types of liaisons start out as friendships and move into something sexual but no further.  It can get complicated and messy because one person usually develops feeling for the other.  It really cannot work if you are not capable of separating your emotions from the physical act.  So, you need to be able to have sex for the physical and not the emotional benefits.  You need to be able to get up and walk away easily without Ask-Single-Dating-Divafeeling anything which is difficult when you already care about this person.  You need to be completely honest with yourself, are you capable of that?  Here are some other questions to ask yourself:

  • Have you ever considered this friend a potential mate? Have you ever had even remote feelings for them?
  • Would you be completely OK with them meeting and dating someone else? Can you be happy for them?
  • Can you separate the friendly activities from the bedroom activities?
  • Can you cancel on them without caring about it or decline their offer to hang out without feeling guilty or like you will miss the opportunity to see them?

It is very difficult to maintain a friendship with the extra benefits.  You will really have to think hard about it.  I personally don’t think it’s a great idea.  If the friendship really means that much to you then keep it that way. Don’t run the risk of jeopardizing it. If you really must engage in casual sex, don’t do it with a friend, and read my post Booty Call-iquette When You’re Single & Dating.

Dear Readers: What other tips would YOU offer? Leave them in the comments and I’ll be sure to share them!!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva

4 comments

  1. Those types of situations certainly can work. I’ve been there, and loved it. It worked really well. Until it stopped working. Then we just stopped. And we stayed friends through it. In fact, perhaps better friends. If you’re the type who can’t have sex without the emotional component then I would strongly recommend NOT doing it. It simply does not work. One person ultimately ends up wanting more and the results can be catastrophic to the relationship. However, if you are able to disconnect from the emotions, I say go for it. Not a lot of women can do that. But when you can, it sure does make the sex better. And the friendship too. Good luck!

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  2. They totally can work, but I wouldn’t recommend them. There is too much potential for drama and hurt feelings. However, they’re not impossible if everyone acts like a grown up. Also- make sure you reevaluate your friendship before jumping in- is this a friendship worth risking?

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  3. I also raised the same issue, in my book. There was a short-lived comedy about friends with benefits. Personally I do not think I would like benefits like that from my current group of friends.

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  4. In my personal oppinion friends with benefits can work out but people should not expect a long lasting benefit relationship.

    Facing the simple fact that both have nothing more to share then fun, going out and sex. Until the Sex becomes quiet boring after a while, there is nothing more that holds both together.

    On the other hand, its great to have such an relationship and it can be really fun for people that like to live in a uncommitted relationship. People should really make their own experience, it’s great.

    Andrew
    Founder of DatingEnlightenment

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