Secret love affairs are the stuff of fairy tales aren’t they? Well, perhaps. They are exciting. You and this person have your own little secret. Hiding from others. Adrenaline pumping. The two of you are in your own world. No one else is allowed. No one else can know. It’s dating on the down low.

Wait A Minute, Why Are You Dating on the Down Low Anyway?

These relationships typically start off as wild love affairs that turn to something more. You aren’t sure how to break it to the world or how they would react. Usually, obviously, you engage in dating on the down low because you don’t want people to know you are with this person. The real question is why are you hiding? Is it because other people knowing would cause at worst a scandal or at least some funny looks? Would people judge or disapprove? Or, is it because you just aren’t ready to share your bliss with others? Is this liaison an affair with one or both of you cheating on another partner? “Why” is definitely the first question you need to ask yourself.

Dating on the down low is hard work! You have to keep up appearances, lie, remember those lies and hide. You always have to be on guard. You most likely can’t share your good and bad times with friends or family. While the thrill of maybe getting caught is fun at first, it could seriously weigh on you and things won’t be coming up roses forever. These types of relationships contribute to a lot of added stress. So is it worth it? Sometimes, yes. But, you have to ask yourself where is this relationship going?

Clarifying a Direction

Well, you know all good things must come to an end … or evolve to something different. So we come back to the “Why”. So once you’ve determined why you’re dating on the down low then you can clarify where you’re going with this liaison. Here are some thoughts …

• Dating on the Down Low because of cheating? Then you know that regardless of what you want or they say then the chances of them leaving their partner for you is slim and even if they do then you know they have done it before so they will more than likely do it to you.
• Dating on the Down Low because your friends/family will disapprove? Well, perhaps you need to re-assess your priorities. Is this person worth fighting for? Do your friends/family have a different, clearer insight? It’s always good to hear them out and make a decision of your own.
• Dating on the Down Low because you’re just having fun? Then keep doing it until it’s not fun anymore and then move on. It’s important there be no expectations, especially for Friends with Benefits and Booty Calls.
• Dating on the Down Low because you’re both testing the waters before going public? Sure that’s totally OK but have a time limit when you both, together, will decide it’s time to go public.

So dating on the down low can be totally fun and exciting, but, it has an expiry date. If you know where you’re going and the path where you’re headed then it can be a much more enjoyable affair. R-Kelly played it wrong … don’t make the same mistake!

Your Sister in Dating Bliss,

Single Dating Diva

Copyright Single Dating Diva

Originally Published on Singles Warehouse and Your Tango